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“Again, I’d say you’re lucky you have your parents and not mine,” Ryan says.
“You never know. When I get my first tattoo, I think it’s going to be this quote from Virginia Euwer Wolff’s bookTrue Believer—‘We will rise to the occasion, which is life.’ Maybe your parents would have risen to the occasion.”
Ryan knows Avery wants him to agree here. And who knows? While they weren’t thrilled about him being gay, they didn’t try to stop it, either. But Ryan’s still trying to figure out what to make of what Aunt Caitlin told him. Was his parents’ silence a respect for his desire for privacy? Or were they just happy that it was the school nurse and counselor who had to deal with it, not them?
“You’re not allowed to hide within the hiding place,” Avery says, drawing Ryan back from his thoughts. “What’s on your mind?”
“I’m just very happy to be here,” Ryan replies.
Avery reaches out and pulls Ryan closer. Soon they’re kissing quietly in the hiding place, kissing like their kisses are a secret they’re sharing.
Ryan loses track of time, but Avery doesn’t. After they’ve been making out for about fifteen minutes, he pulls back and says, “I really should go to sleep.”
“I know, I know,” Ryan says, nestling into his pillow. He’s forgotten that this isn’t where he’s supposed to sleep.
Avery looks at him again in the blanket starlight.
“What?” Ryan asks.
“I just want to figure out how to help you,” Avery answers. “That’s all.”
It’s like Avery’s words are a key to a lock Ryan didn’tknow was inside him. And when it turns, emotions come out. Powerful emotions. Because Ryan realizes this: He isn’t used to a boy wanting so wholly to tell him the truth, to be on his side.
“I appreciate that,” he says, trying to control the mix of gratitude and confusion in his voice, trying not to overwhelm Avery with how overwhelmed he feels. “I appreciate you taking me in. I appreciate you inviting me to see your show. I appreciate you building me a hiding place. I appreciate all of it.”
“You deserve nothing less,” Avery tells him. Then they hug again, and kiss again, until tomorrow’s obligations once more intrude.
Avery is the first to slide out of the hiding place. Reluctantly, Ryan leaves, too. He helps Avery disassemble the fortress, turning the sofa back into a sofa and then into a bed. Avery helps him unwrap his toiletries, and they go brush their teeth together.
When they’re done, Avery says, “I probably won’t see you in the morning. I have to leave here before seven. And I don’t want to see how you’d react if I woke you up that early to say a quick goodbye.”
“You could.”
“I won’t. Nor should you ever, ever do that for me.”
“Got it.”
They share a goodnight kiss. Then they say the words they can usually only text.
“Sweet dreams.”
“Sweet dreams.”
Ryan tiptoes down the hallway, no idea if Avery’s parents are still awake or can be easily awakened. Back on the sofa, he can’t help but feel he’s still in a place that Avery’s built, a shelter offered, an enclosure with soft walls. Even though they’re not in the same room, Ryan imagines Avery breathing beside him. It feels better to be closer to him. So much better to be so much closer.
This must be what it’s like to fall in love,he thinks.
Then he corrects himself.
No.
This must be what it’s like to be in love.
River, Be My Friend
(the second date)
Ryan hasn’t experienced this since he was a Santa-believing kid on Christmas Eve. But the symptoms are clear, as is the cause.
