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As Avery takes his calculus exam, and again as he takes his history exam, he tries not to be distracted by the fact that right now Ryan is alone in his house. He feels he’s getting to know Ryan well, and he certainly knows his house well, but somehow his imagination fails when he tries to put the two of them together.
Ryan was still asleep when he left, and Avery didn’t have the heart to wake him just to say goodbye. Instead he did what any young lover would do—he stood beside the door for a very short time and watched the object of his affections softly dreaming. Even asleep, Ryan had an expression of mild surprise, his eyes closed but his mouth looking to be on the verge of speech. His arms curled one way (gathering) while his legs curled the other way (a leap). His blue hair pointed in what felt like an infinite number of directions.
When we speak of tenderness, sometimes it’s caused by the raw vulnerability of the person being seen, andsometimes the source is the raw vulnerability of the person who is seeing. Ideally it is a match between the two, where the open weakness in one inspires an open weakness in the other. That’s what Avery felt, seeing Ryan asleep on his couch, the uninvited guest he wanted to make perfectly at home.
But was that possible? As Avery goes through calculus and history, he knows that Ryan’s reprieve is only temporary. At the end of the weekend, he’ll have to go home. And now Avery feels the exasperation that lines the pockets of love, frustration that even if he gives Ryan all the affection he has to offer, he cannot control how much affection anyone else provides. He can give Ryan a home for a weekend, but when it comes to Ryan’s real home, Avery is powerless. And that gets to him.
His friends see that he’s distracted, and they assume it’s because of the play. At lunch, Avery texts Ryan and finds he’s been getting assignments from his friends, starting homework now so he doesn’t have to do it the rest of the weekend. Ryan asks Avery if he’s getting preperformance jitters, and Avery is surprised to realize the answer is no. Possibly this is because of denial—it seems unbelievable to him that in a few short hours he will be on a stage with an actual audience. But also, he feels ready. Ready to be up there. Ready for Ryan in particular to see him, to take this further step into his ridiculous world.
“When will Romeo Ryan be here?” Pope asks.
“Tonight,” Avery answers. “He’ll be in the audience tonight.”
—
Ryan texts Aliciathroughout the day. Besides conveying what happened in his classes, she is full of advice.
Whatever you do, don’t seek out his diary. That never ends well.
and
Even if they say to help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge, don’t take too much and don’t zero in on anything that’s expensive, because odds are they’re saving that for themselves.
and
Even if you’re sleeping there again tonight, make sure you take the sheets off the couch before they come home, so if they look in, it will look like their living room and not like your campout site.
He has no idea how she knows these things, but the advice feels sound, so he follows it.
There are also texts from his mother. He doesn’t read those.
When Avery’s parents come home, Ryan knows he has to put his phone away. They tell him they’ll be leaving for dinner at five-thirty, since the show starts at seven-thirty.
Ryan is comforted by the fact that when it’s just the three of them in the car, they don’t seem any more acclimated to the situation than he does. Years of carpooling have put Avery’s mom more at ease, or at least more able to project ease from behind the wheel. Avery’s dad, though, can’t help but study Ryan every time he turns to ask an innocuous question.
Ryan is glad he bought a new shirt to wear, because therestaurant they go to is a pretty nice Italian place, much nicer than anywhere his own parents would take him and his friends. It’s a table for ten, and soon they’re joined by Avery’s aunt and uncle and two young cousins, as well as three family friends. When Avery’s mom introduces him by saying, “This is Avery’s boyfriend, Ryan,” Ryan has to try hard to keep it together. It’s not only that her saying it makes it more real (which it does), but he also can’t imagine a universe in which his mother introduces Avery in the same way. It’s a lot. And maybe Avery’s mom sees this, because after hands have been shaken and the introductions are over, she reiterates, “It’s really wonderful to have you here, Ryan.”
He knows that this is Avery’s stage debut, but seeing everyone else’s reaction to that fact really brings it home. Avery’s mom, so calm in the car, is more nervous now. The cousins, ages seven and nine, are bouncing with excitement. The other adults are saying everything’s going to be fine, that Avery conquers any challenge he sets himself. They don’t ask Ryan for his opinion, and he doesn’t volunteer it; he agrees, but that agreement is based on guesswork, not history.
Ryan notices that the younger cousin is wearing Pokémon sneakers, so that opens up one conversational path, and by the time his main course arrives, Ryan feels secure that he’s won over at least two members of Avery’s family.
One of the family friends asks Ryan if he’s an actor as well, and Ryan laughs in response, then quickly explains that performing in front of other people is the last thing he’d ever want to do.
“I can barely get out the words when they’re my own words,” he tells the table. “As you can see.”
One of the family friends says, “I used to think that, but,” and then launches into an account of her “blossoming” during a community theater production ofThe Miracle Worker. Ryan listens politely, but he enjoys the way Avery’s mom rolls her eyes, having clearly heard this story many, many times before.
Avery’s dad asks if anyone has seenDon’t Forget Your Shoes!before.
“I think our great-great-great-great-great-grandmother was in a production when she was a girl,” Avery’s uncle jokes.
“Wasn’t there a movie?” one of the family friends asks. “With what’s-his-face. You know. The one who isn’t Clark Gable.”
“I’m sure it’s going to be wonderful,” Avery’s aunt says.
“I’mClark Gable,” Avery’s younger cousin proclaims.
Ryan settles into his food, happy to overhear for the rest of the meal.
