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I say nothing but instead follow him to the same bench we’ve sat on what feels like hundreds of times. Déjà vu swarms inside of me like a thousand little bees buzzing in my body. I don’t want to be here. I want to be back on Isla and Bordeaux’s couch or back in my empty fucking mansion of a home with only the sound of silence to comfort me. Anything would be better than this.
We sit down and he keeps his distance, allowing a few inches of space between us on the old wooden park bench. The wood is weathered, much rougher and uninviting than it used to be. I grip the side of the bench to steady myself as my head starts to feel less fuzzy from the wine. It would probably be better to stay drunk for this conversation. I should have brought a glass with me.
Kade shifts on the bench, bending at the waist, his elbows resting on his knees. The Chicago air nips at my skin because, of course, I didn’t bring my jacket, thinking I’d just be inside at Isla’s.
He must sense it because he shrugs his bomber jacket off and puts it around my shoulders. I don’t have the energy to take it off.
“I’m only keeping this on because I’m cold.” I glance at him before rolling my eyes and looking out over the park. The scent—his scent—surrounds me. The same one I’ve always known, one I would know anywhere. It’s a complete contrast to Spence’s sandalwood-and-amber signature smell. But Kade has always been darker. He’s darker in every single way. His aura is black; his mood is broody and damning. The jacket envelops me along with his earthy aroma—the same one I used to love before he ruined it all.
“Declan,” Kade finally says, breaking the silence. I want to act like a child and cover my ears. It’s my initial reaction, and I’m not exactly proud of it, but I refrain. He turns to me on the bench, but I keep my eyes forward. Suddenly his arm is outstretched, and he grasps my chin, his fingers soft against my warm skin. I give into his attempt to turn my face toward his. “Declan, I fucked up, and I know that. And I think it’s safe to say—very, very safe to say—that karma has done its job. It’s come back around, trust me.”
“How?” I finally meet his gaze. Those damn intoxicating emerald eyes pull me in, but I shake my head. “Tell me how karma has done its job, Kade. Why are you back here? What happened to you? Because I know you wouldn’t be back if it was your choice. You were set to live your life in Minnesota, away from your family—away from me—until now. You don’t get to just come back and shake everything up because karma has done its job. What the hell does that even mean?”
He scratches at his head before letting it fall backward, looking up at the sky that’s dark and ominous. I feel like I’m going to be sick. My stomach roils and I double over, trying to tame the feeling skyrocketing through me. Taking in a deep breath, I let my head fall into my hands.
“Tell me what you want to talk about or take me home. I’m not going to play this game. Speak up or I’m going back to the car, and you’re going to take me to my house,” I say, although I know my voice is muffled from the barrier of my palms.
Kade shift again and realize he’s getting off the bench. I look up and once again, he’s bending down in front of me, this time sitting on his knees, leaning back on his heels.
“When I left, I had no intention of even dating, let alone marrying someone who wasn’t you, because believe it or not, Declan, I loved you. Those two years we spent together, hell, it might not seem like a lot of time to some people, but to me, those were two fucking incredible years. I left and I met Melanie, my now-estranged wife, and I just allowed myself to fall for her because I knew I was never coming back to this city. I let it happen, and it did. We got together, got married. I spent the better part of five years building a life with her that I was meant to build with you.”
I shake my head because I don’t want to hear things like that. I cannot hear things like that. “Just don’t. I don’t care. I don’t want to hear about Melanie or your life together.”
“Just let me finish,” he says. “Look at me, DJ.”
My eyes find his, and I want to look away, but I don’t.
“Melanie had a secret gambling problem I didn’t know about. She couldn’t hold down a job, and she was draining our accounts before I even knew what was going on. She always wrote out the bills. She was the one who took care of that because. I didn’t pay attention because I didn’t think anything of it. By the time I found out, she had opened multiple credit cards and maxed them all out, and then she had taken out a second mortgage on our home without telling me. She had me sign paperwork that I thought was for our new roof due to the storm damage. Turns out, I should have fucking paid attention to that paperwork because I’m an idiot and it was for a loan, not our roof claim.”
My heartstrings tug at my conscious, but I bat them away. This is the man who left me. I don’t need to feel bad for him. He did this to himself.
“Anyway, last year I came home to talk to Mom and Dad about loaning us money until I could put in more hours at work and figure things out. Being back in this city for the first time in years, and the only thing I could think about was you. And I’m not proud of that. I had Melanie waiting for me at home, and no matter how strained our marriage was at that point, I shouldn’t have come to Iconic. I knew it was a bad idea, but I did it anyway.” Sirens wail in the distance, and he stops talking for a moment, allowing the noise to drift past us.
A woman walking her dog on the path circling the park slows as she passes us, narrowing her eyes at me. I nod, letting her know I’m okay, and for the first time since I left Isla and Mia, I feel more comfortable. There are still caring people in the world. Who would have thought?
I feel a buzz in my pocket, but I ignore it because I’m not in the mood. It’s probably Isla checking on me. I don’t want to worry, her but at the same time, I want to sink into this bench and fade the fuck away from everything.
“I got the loan from my parents, and for a little while, things started getting better, but now Melanie is seeing someone else. She cheated on me. She’s in love with whoever the dude is, and she basically told me to get out. She tells me this right after we got everything set and figured out with our house and all the debt.” Kade shakes his head, standing and hooking his thumbs behind his head.
I try to ignore the pang in my chest because I don’t want to feel bad for him.
I really don’t.
He doesn’t deserve any sympathy from me.
“I came back here for a fresh start. I don’t have anyone in Minnesota anymore. I don’t have the life I spent the last five years constructing. When I found out you were getting married to that guy, I knew I had to come speak my piece.”
I scoff, rolling my eyes. “You had to come speak your piece at my wedding? Well, you did it. You did it, and then you fucking disappeared like you were never there. I still don’t understand what that was all about.”
“Oh, please,” Kade says, narrowing his eyes. “I saw the two of you together exactly one time, at Iconic, and I could tell he never did it for you. You marrying him would have been the worst mistake of your life, and I could sense that from hundreds of miles away. Because I know you, DJ.” My gut twists at his words. “I’ve missed this city more than I care to admit. I’ve missed Mom and Dad, Noelle, and Spence.” He sighs. “I’ve missed you.”
“Don’t, Kade. Just don’t.” I look up at him. “You made your choices. You decided on that life. You don’t get my pity now that it’s all crashed down around you.” I force the words out because it’s in my nature to just move on, accept apologies, to forgive and forget. I’ve always had a heart bigger than I know what to do with, and goddamnit, this time… this time, I’m not letting my heart get in the way.
Kade pulls me up off the bench, and I unwillingly come to my feet.
His face is inches from mine, his eyes darker, his voice lower. “I don’t want your pity, DJ.”
His eyes are magnets that I can’t look away from, the sadness that swarms inside of them matches my own.
