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“Where’s Miller?” I ask out loud and then regret it. I swallow and it feels like my throat is as dry as a damn cactus.
Nia steps down to the end of my bed and motions Isla over to my side where Nia was standing. Isla grabs my hand and gives me a soft smile. The pit in my stomach grows. “Miller is in the room next door. He’s okay. He woke up yesterday, and he’s been asking to come over here from the minute he opened his eyes. I think the doctor is going to let him this afternoon.” She smiles, but there’s something more—I just don’t know what. She’s got dark brown eyes that are beautiful and kind, but there’s worry in them.
Nia looks at Isla, and Isla nods at her. I want to scream at them to tell me what happened. Why am I here? Why are Miller and I in the hospital? I can’t remember…
“You and Miller… and Kade… got into a really serious car accident after the show three nights ago,” Isla says, but I don’t recognize the words. They don’t make sense; they don’t fit. I didn’t get into a car accident.
I write down, I don’t remember a car accident, on the white board. It’s messy and rushed but legible.
“We figured there would be loss of memory. Your CT scan from the night of the accident showed that you have a traumatic brain injury, or TBI, and that can sometimes cause confusion. The name sounds very scary, but what you have is mild in nature and isn’t life-threatening. It could have been, but you got here quickly, and we were able to start treatment fast.” Nia’s words are only half registering.
I write, Where were we going?
Spence’s grip around my hand tighten, and Isla is the first to speak.
“Do you remember the show? And what happened after the show?” she asks, and I slowly nod, but my brain feels like it’s shaking around in my head.
“I’ll be right back, okay? I’m going to get the doctor so he can do an examination, and we can get your pain medication kicked up now that you’re awake.” Nia smiles and pats my leg softly before exiting the room.
“And do you remember what happened after that?” Isla asks.
I shake my head.
She takes in a deep breath and looks from me over to the guys. B nods and my stomach clenches. Miller is okay, so I don’t understand why they are being so strange right now.
“Dec, you and Kade were going home. On the way out of the theater, Miller asked to bum a ride. So all three of you were in the accident.”
My heart sinks as I think about Kade and everything that transpired between the three of us that night. It feels like it just happened, but also, somehow, like it was a thousand years ago.
I write on my board again, Is Kade here too?
Isla shakes her head as tears stream down her face.
I look at the guys, my focus on Spence, who rolls his head back as Flynn clutches his shoulders.
Oh, God. No…
My skin heats as the realization hits me suddenly. There’s no way Kade wouldn’t be here if we were in some serious car accident. Unless…
My hand flies up to my mouth, and another sharp pain sends an electric shock through my body.
I look at Spence, who is losing control now. His shoulders shake, and his head falls onto the bed. Flynn grabs him harder, and Bordeaux stands with his hands in his pockets, not knowing what to do. He looks at Isla, and Isla looks at me.
“I’m so sorry, Declan. I don’t even know how to say this to you, but Kade is gone.”
The words somehow make it even more real, but I’m still shaking my pounding head because it doesn’t make sense. He was just holding my hand, walking me out of my dressing room… I was just with him and he was here, and now he isn’t? My brain races as my tears fall, and I try to squeeze Spence’s hand, but I have no strength.
Nia comes back with a man in a long white coat, and all I can think about is how it reminds me of those shitty soap operas my mom used to watch when I was a kid. I try to compose myself, but seeing Spence broken breaks me even more.
Part of me doesn’t want to believe what Isla is saying to me.
The other part can’t deny it—even if my memory doesn’t want me to remember.
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27
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