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SPENCE
It’s been three weeks since I punched my brother in the face.
Three weeks since my brother got into a fatal motor vehicle accident.
Three weeks since he died.
Three weeks since I lost my goddamn mind because the last thing I said to my brother was that he was a prick.
If I hadn’t lost my cool on Kade and Declan, Kade probably would have never left when he did. Declan sure as hell wouldn’t have left with him. Everyone would be fine. They wouldn’t have been at the intersection where a drunk driver blew a red light.
A second can change every single thing.
My mom wipes her face with a tissue as we stand in a line in front of my brother’s closed casket. His body was unrecognizable, and I couldn’t let my parents identify him. I refused to let them see him the way I knew he would be.
Your brother was ejected from the car, Mr. Reid.
The cops on the scene tried to be kind, they tried to be comforting. Nothing worked.
I found out while en route to the hotel and was on the scene within ten minutes. His body was still in the ditch. I see that white sheet over him every single time I close my eyes. It’s burned into my memory, and I don’t think it will ever fade.
We had to wait over a week to get his body transferred to the city. They tried to do their best to allow an open casket, but no amount of makeup and piecing together helped.
My gut roils with the memory of him looking that way.
My dad grabs on to my mom to keep her steady as she starts to shake. Another few people come through the line to pay their respects, and I stare at the floor like the coward that I am.
The guilt I have is suffocating.
I clasp my mom’s hand and pull Noelle under my other arm, trying my best to remain strong for the two of them. My dad is trying, too, but it’s not going over well. His eyes are rimmed red, and his jaw quivers endlessly.
Declan and the guys, along with Isla, step up to my parents, and I meet Declan’s eyes for the first time in the last week. She was in the hospital for almost two weeks, rehabbing and recovering. Luckily, her brain injury was mild, and while she has a broken arm and collarbone, she’s going to be okay. I can’t think about losing her too.
In a way, I’ve already lost her. Declan’s arm is in a cast and sitting in a sling. My mom and dad gently pull her into their embrace, cautious with her left side.
Once she’s standing in front of me, the heat flushes on her cheeks.
“Hi.” She tries to smile, but it’s forced, and sadness leaks from her eyes. I hate when she cries, but I know she’s hurting the same as I am right now.
“Hey, Dec. How are you feeling?” I ask her, wanting to talk about anything other than my brother being dead and the guilt gnawing at my bones.
She shrugs, but only with her right shoulder. “How are you doing?”
I shake my head, not knowing what to say. After everything that happened, there’s no shortage of words we should be having, but nothing feels right… especially not now.
“Are you coming to the dinner after?” I ask, hoping she is. Because as much as I don’t know how to communicate with her—or really, with anyone right now—I want to feel her presence.
She nods.
“Save me a seat?” I ask, and it just slips out. For a second, it feels like we’re back in high school talking about lunch.
She nods and moves over, pulling Noelle into a hug. I look her up and down, taking in the long black maxi dress and the way her hair is down and curled. I’m never not going to have a physical attraction to her. It’s not possible.
But I think the emotional bond we share might be an even worse thing to learn to let go of.
Melanie walk in, and it’s almost like seeing a ghost. We haven’t talked in years. Although she was Kade’s wife, not seeing Kade meant not seeing Melanie either. She’s different than the woman I remember. When the two of them got married, she had long strawberry-blonde hair that was always curled to perfection. She had a face full of makeup and seemed to care immensely about her appearance.
The woman standing in front of my family now looks like even more of a stranger than she actually is. I look her over and notice a black pantsuit covers her tall frame. She’s curvier than she used to be, and honestly, she looks healthier. The full face of makeup has been replaced by either no makeup at all or barely there makeup, and gone is the long strawberry locks. She has her hair colored a deep brown that makes her complexion look pale, and it’s cut into a short bob.
