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My stomach feels like I’m looking out over a ledge. “That sounds like a threat.”
She lets out a half-chuckle, half-scoff. “Maybe it is.” Tugging at my hair so I’m forced to tilt my head back, she leans forward and kisses me. Her grip tightens around my throat as her lips touch mine, soft and sensual in contrast to the ferocity of her hold on me. Heat spreads through my stomach, then lower and lower.
I part my lips when her tongue demands entry into my mouth, willingly opening myself to her invasion. Her tongue traces my lower lip, then meets mine. Before I can stop myself, a quiet groan slips my lips, the sensations of her touch overwhelming. The vampire in me stakes claim to every part of my body and mind, displacing all rational thought with burning desire.
And then she stops. I try to follow her lips when she pulls back, to keep kissing her, but she forces me to stay in place. My chest rises and falls rapidly.
“I’m sorry,” she sighs, letting go of me.
“Don’t be–”
She brings a finger to my lips. “I’m going to bed, kitten. The guest room is still made up.” Getting up, she adds, “Good night.”
I sit there baffled for a moment, still dizzy from being kissed like that. “Why?”
“Why am I going to bed?”
“Without me,” I clarify, amazed by my own audacity. It feels like playing with fire – any moment I'm going to ridicule myself and it will be unbearably embarrassing. But for now, it feels thrilling.
She stops, looking back at me on her way into the hallway, seemingly also surprised by my boldness. Her laughter rings clear like bells. “Oh, kitten.” She tilts her head. “You don’t really want that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I like to make my girls beg, and I don’t think you’re ready for that.”
I swallow and watch her disappear around the corner.
11. A REWARD AND A PUNISHMENT, THOUGH I DON’T KNOW WHICH IS WHICH
Trying to shut down the vampire part of me after the night I've had is an impossibility. I toss and turn, trying to remind myself that tonight was a loss, that attacking that man was bad. But all I can feel when I think about that moment is a fire in my chest, a fire that doesn’t want to be put out. I liked getting revenge. I felt like I could get some of my power back.
And that's not all. The car chase. Kneeling at Celeste’s feet. It feels like giving in to that side of me means winning. Like I have power, even if it's the power to give myself over to Celeste willingly.
Her words play over and over in my mind.I liketo make my girls beg.It’s a messed up thing to say, isn’t it?
And yet all I want is for her to make me beg. Though my mind is too innocent to imagine how she might do that, the thought is dizzyingly hot. Every time I’ve felt embarrassed around her, it’s only made me want her more. It doesn't make sense.
Maybe becoming a vampire has crossed my wires wrong. Maybe the horror of the last few weeks has played some kind of Freudian trick on me, messing me up for good.
I’m confused. But the vampire side of me isn't. It just wants and it knows exactly what it is that it wants.
“Ugh!” I kick my legs, too hot under the fancy down duvet. The fireplace crackles quietly. Still too hot, I take off the loose linen shirt I’ve borrowed to sleep in and tossing it onto one of the chairs under the window with my pants. I know how to get rid of this tension but…no.
How long since I’ve had any privacy? I run my hand over the soft skin of my stomach and my chest before frustratedly biting the first knuckle of my index finger.No.I can’t, not in Celeste’s goddamn House.Get it together, Deni.
With a groan, I roll onto my stomach and bury my face in the pillows.I liketo make my girls beg.I can feel the implied meaning of her words looming at the back of my mind, something dirty, something to do with that stupid drawer of hers that I haven't been able to stop thinking about.
The harder I try not to think about it, the more impossible it becomes. I’ve seen her in that silk robe and I’ve seen it fall open just a little, showing a hint of the lace beneath it, even if I pretended not to see. And I have definitely traced the outline of her curves through one of her tighter dresses. If I really let my thoughts go down that route, I even remember what the curve at the small of her back felt like when we kissed.
Shut up,I curse my vampire brain.Just shut up already!
But I know deep down that Mav was right. There is no other part of me that is responsible for my behaviour. It’s just me. I kissed her because I wanted to kiss her. And I knelt at her feet because I wanted to see where she would take it. So what if I don’t like her – I think she’s hot.There,I think defiantly.I’ve admitted it to myself. Happy now?
The reverse psychology I’m trying to pull off on myself doesn’t work.Fuck it,I think.She’ll literally never know.
Biting my lip, I slip my hand beneath my body, letting it snake down between my legs. I suck in a sharp breath when my fingers reach their destination, touch enhanced as much as my other sensations by all the blood I’ve had. As I push the fabric of mypantiesaside, I imagine my finger’s are Celeste’s.You’re so wet, kitten.I blush with my face buried in the pillows but that doesn’t stop me.
And the Celeste of my imagination isn’t wrong. I’mso damn wet.I shudder as I find my clit, blown away by how sensitive I feel. I suppress a groan, reminding myself that I need to be quiet – which somehow only makes this more fun.
