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“I don’t know,” I answered sullenly.
“Well, you better figure it out,” he said. “Because he won’t wait for you forever, no matter how much he loves you.”
“I know.” I just didn’t know what to do about it.
34
Liam
It was Saturday morning, and I didn’t want to get out of bed. After all, I didn’t have to go to work, I had no plans with my family, and I certainly wasn’t going to have self-defense training with Marco. I threw my arm over my face. I needed to get him out of my head. Yeah right. Fat chance of that happening.
I’d asked Tony to drop me off at my place rather than take me back to Sean and Jeremy’s house. I really didn’t want to face another inquisition from my brother. I loved him to pieces, but as Marco would say, Sean was a bossy fucker.
I wasn’t sure what I’d expected when I agreed to be the medic for Marco’s security operation. Initially, I’d wanted nothing to do with Marco. Until I’d seen him. Then it was all I could do not to throw myself at him and shake him to make him talk to me.
First of all, he was wearing a suit and, damn, that man wore a suit well. It was cut perfectly to fit his big body. I wanted to climb him like a tree. Second, he looked sad. Every time I caught his eye, he dropped his gaze and looked away. I finally had to stop making eye contact with him because it was too hard.
I wanted to be angry with him. I still was, on some level. What he did was shitty. But learning about Terry’s suicide gave me a different perspective. I better understood Marco’s fear. I just wished he had talked to me instead of driving me away. I wasn’t even sure if that had been his intention. I wondered if he’d thought I would take his Grindr escapade as a sign to keep things casual and not get too attached. Not so much. I was attached. More than attached if I let myself think about it too hard.
The problem was he seemed to want to get attached as well. I’d had my fair share of hookups, and never once had any of them taken me on a romantic boat ride or thrown me a birthday party, and I doubted they would have kissed me on the forehead after a flashback.
I groaned. I was not going to stay in bed mooning over Marco D’Angelo. I made myself get out of bed. I decided to go for a run on the boardwalk to chase away the last of the cobwebs. It was cold outside, but I wore long running pants, a long-sleeve sweat-wicking shirt, and gloves. I figured the run would help me get my head on straight. But nope. All it did was get me cold as the wind whipped up in icy gusts off the Atlantic and chilled me to the bone. A big difference from our night out on the boat only four days before. March was a fickle bitch.
I headed right to the shower when I got home. The dual showerheads were my absolute favorite thing about the bathroom. I had a renewed appreciation of Sean’s renovations every time I used it.
I stood under the spray and groaned as the water heated my chilled body. As I soaped myself, my thoughts inevitably went to Marco. I imagined his big body over me, his long, thick cock driving into me, filling and stretching me so wonderfully well. My own cock thickened. I took myself in hand, wishing it was Marco’s on me instead. Images of the last time we were together flooded my mind. My cock hardened painfully as I remembered every look, every thrust as he sent me over the edge hands-free.
A moan slipped from me when I drove my aching dick through my fist. I soaped up two fingers of my other hand and slid them one at a time into my clenching hole. I wanted Marco so much. I wanted him behind me, his hand around my throat, his cock thrusting into me without mercy.
Just imagining it was enough to send me over the edge. My orgasm slammed into me, radiating throughout my body. I couldn’t help myself. I threw back my head and cried out Marco’s name, loud enough for everyone in the hotel to hear, no doubt.
My head dropped as I tried to catch my breath. Jerking off to Marco wasn’t helping me forget him. Not that I really wanted to forget him. I wanted him to talk to me. To say something, anything. Before I’d left the hotel the night before, he’d looked like he was about to say something important. But then he’d just thanked me for coming, and that was it. I’d been so disappointed that I had wanted to cry.
I finished my shower and dried off. Once dressed, I decided to go to the hotel dining room and use the piano. It was just after ten, so I’d have a couple of hours to play before customers showed up for lunch. Music had always soothed me in the past.
Before I got to the dining room, I was stopped by my brother coming out of his office. “What are you doing here?” I asked. “I thought you stopped working on Saturdays.”
Sean shrugged, looking a little sheepish. “There was an early delivery and we’re shorthanded today. I’m heading home now.” He looked me up and down. “What about you? What are you up to?” His brow creased in a frown. “You’re not doing more of that hand-to-hand combat training, are you?”
I rolled my eyes. “First of all,” I said, “It’s self-defense training. And second, if I did want to learn hand-to-hand combat, it would still be none of your business.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “Sean, I get that you love me and want me to be safe. But I am twenty-nine years old and quite capable of taking care of myself. I love you, but your overprotectiveness is driving me crazy.”
Sean sighed and his shoulders slumped. “I know. I’m sorry. I just can’t get past what happened to you last year. You could have died. It was only thanks to Jeremy knowing Tony that you got rescued. I hated feeling so helpless.”
I pulled him into a hug. “I know. I was very lucky. I give thanks for that every day. But I also have to live my life, Sean. I do my best not to put myself in danger, but I’m not going to stop helping where I can just because there’s a risk.” I pulled back and looked into his eyes. “I need you to understand that.”
Sean’s eyes were shining with unshed tears. “I do. It doesn’t seem like it, but I do. I’m trying to do better, but every time I think you’re in trouble, something clicks in my brain, and I react. Jeremy thinks it might help if I go to a therapist.”
“It probably would. You can have PTSD symptoms even if you weren’t the one in danger.” I hugged him again. “I love you, Sean. I couldn’t have asked for a better big brother.”
“I love you too,” he said, kissing the side of my head. “Now, about Marco…”
I stepped back and shook my head. “Nope. That goes for who I date as well. There’s more going on than you know, and it’s not my story to tell. It doesn’t mean Marco gets a pass for what he did the other night, but if he wants to talk to me about what’s going on with him, I’ll listen. Okay?”
“Yeah. Okay.” He gave me a sad smile. “You know I’ll always be here for you if you need me.”
“I know,” I said. “Now go back to your fiancé and enjoy the rest of your day.”
He waggled his eyebrows comically. “You bet I will. We haveplans.”
