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Gael’s fingers entwined with mine, the warmth of his breath against my neck, his hands roaming my body as we made love by the fire. The adoring look in his eyes across the table as we enjoyed a home-cooked meal.
A tear slips down my cheek, and I clench my jaw, trying to bottle my emotions. But they burst forth in a sob that racks my entire body.
I stumble through the doorway, letting my bags crash to the floor. The familiarity of home offers no comfort. An emptiness has rooted inside me, and the only thing that can fill it is the man who stole my heart. The man I had to leave behind in that cabin—the place that now feels more like home than here ever could without him.
I collapse onto the hardwood floor, hugging my knees to my chest. And in the solitude of my apartment, I allow myself to ache for the one thing I want most in this world…
Gael.
* * *
The next day, I drag myself out of bed and go through the motions of my morning routine. Brush my teeth. Take a shower. Get dressed. But it all feels hollow, devoid of purpose or meaning.
As I walk down the street, a couple strolls by hand in hand. The woman leans her head on the man’s shoulder and he presses a soft kiss to her hair. I ache for that simple intimacy again, for the warmth and comfort of Gael’s embrace.
Later, back at my apartment, sitting at my desk, I stare at the screen in front of me but can’t focus. My mind keeps drifting to our time in the cabin. The way Gael gazed at me with hunger and devotion as he moved inside me. How he held me close after he fucked me stupid, his heart beating against my chest in a soothing rhythm.
The radio switches to a romantic song, the woman’s soulful voice singing of heartbreak and longing for her lost love. I grip my pen so hard it nearly snaps in my grasp, blinking back the tears that threaten to fall.
In that moment, I know I can’t go on like this. I’m a shadow of myself without Gael drifting through the day with a piece of my heart missing. We only had a short time together, but in those few days he became my everything.
* * *
That evening, I scroll through the photos on my phone, aching at the memories they evoke. Gael smiling at me over breakfast, sunlight filtering through the cabin windows. The two of us bundled up under the covers, Gael’s arm wrapped around my shoulders. A selfie of us kissing by the fireplace, his hand tangled through my braids.
My heart clenches at each picture, an emptiness opening inside me that I don’t know how to fill. I want nothing more than to lose myself in Gael’s embrace again, to feel his lips claiming mine and his magnificent body joined with my own.
I slip a hand between my legs, imagining it’s Gael touching me instead. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t quite capture the passion of our lovemaking. A sob catches in my throat as I give up, rolling on my side and clutching a pillow to my chest.
It’s unbearable, this pain. This ache that goes soul-deep. I need Gael like I need air to breathe, like I need the sun to rise each morning.
I can’t go on like this.
* * *
The next day, I try to focus on the blank screen in front of me, but my mind keeps drifting back to Gael. To the tender way he held me all through the night, his huge hands tracing slow circles on my skin as if he couldn’t get enough of touching me. The memory leaves me breathless, craving the feel of his calloused palms against my bare flesh.
“Earth to Halima!” My sister waves a hand in front of my face, peering at me with concern. “Seriously, what’s going on with you lately? You’ve been off for days.”
I shake my head, trying to clear the fog. “Nothing. I’m fine.”
“Uh-huh.” Shana crosses her arms, eyeing me skeptically. “Does this have anything to do with a certain hockey player?”
My cheeks flame. I swallow hard and meet her gaze.
“He… we… it was amazing, Shana.”
Maya squeals, grabbing my hands. “Oh my God, finally! Tell me everything!”
I let out a bittersweet laugh.
“He made me happier than I ever thought I could be.”
Maya pulls me into a hug, rocking me back and forth. “I’m so happy for you,” she whispers. “You deserve all the love in the world, Lima.”
I don’t tell her how I ruined everything. How I ran away. I let her believe the tears at the corners of my eyes are tears of joy…
* * *
