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“Not as pissed as when she finds out you stabbed her in the back when you actually do win the contract.”
That was true. Scott had nailed it on the head.
“It’s not easy, you know,” I said, staring at the fishing pole.
“What?” Scott asked.
I hesitated before I grinned. “Catching a fucking fish. How long have we been here?”
Scott burst out laughing. “I don’t come for the fish.”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “Me either.”
We sat in silence for a moment before I said what I’d meant to say at first.
“I don’t know how to do this. I’m starting to fall for her, which means I really care, and if I lose her…”
“I know,” Scott said softly. “I get it.”
I nodded slowly. If anyone understood that inherent fear of losing someone, it was Scott. We’d both lost more than we’d been able to bear at an age where no one should have to go through that kind of pain. It was stupid that it still affected me so far into adulthood, but the truth was that I’d never opened myself up enough to get hurt like that again. Losing a woman wasn’t the same as losing a sibling to death, but it was the same concept.
Everyone I’d dated before had been easy to forget, easy to get over—I’d never opened myself up enough. Half of them had left because I didn’t open myself up. I’d told the other half off because it hadn’t been worth the effort.
Mackenzie?
She’d come out of left field and knocked me over because I hadn’t expected anything like this. I hadn’t been looking for something. Hell, she was my rival—there was no reason for me to think that I would fall head over heels in love with her.
Now, here we were. I was in love, and I was at risk of losing the one person I’d allowed myself to get attached to since Scott and I had lost what had felt like everything back then.
“It will be okay, you know,” Scott said.
“How do you know?”
Scott shrugged. “I don’t, but it has to be. We’re still here, and we owe it to Jake to live a full life when he couldn’t, you know?”
“I know,” I said softly, and we sat together on the pond again in silence while my mind ran over all the ways I could make this right so that I didn’t have to suffer the pain of losing Mackenzie. I’d already lost enough in my life, and losing her wasn’t something I was willing to go through.
I had to tell her the truth. Yeah, she’d be pissed at me, but maybe we could get past it. Maybe it was one of those things we could look back at one day and laugh about.
Together.
18
MACKENZIE
“Ithoughtyouweretoo busy with work to come around on a weekday,” Rachel said when I stopped in front of the house, arriving unannounced.
“I just happened to miss you more than usual,” I said and hugged my sister.
“Hey, don’t you dare get all emotional on me,” Rachel said against my shoulder while we held onto each other. “I’m fine. I’ve been fine for a while now.”
It had been a couple of weeks since she’d gone to the hospital, but that didn’t mean I was going to just forget and move on like nothing had happened. It had been a scare, and I’d realized that nothing in this world was finite. I’d already lost my mom, and Rachel had taken over, stepping into that role, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t lose her, too.
“I’m not emotional.” I sniffed. “It’s just so nice to be able to finish a sentence without getting interrupted.”
Rachel pulled back and laughed. “I always miss having alone time and silence, but when they’re gone, even if it’s just school, I miss them.”
I smiled at my sister, and we walked into the house together. I’d come in the morning on purpose so that I could spend time with Rachel without the kids taking over. I loved my nephew and nieces to death but it was impossible to get a word in edgewise when they were around. That was how it was with kids, and I was so happy for Rachel that she had the kids to keep her busy. She’d always wanted a big family, and although it didn’t look the way she must have dreamed about it when she was in the house, and then when she had to look after me, nothing was cut-and-paste anymore these days.
