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Hunching down, Charlie meets me at eye level. “Why not?”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“Why can't you hit him?”
“You know why.”
He shakes his head. “I know you think you can't, but believe me, you can.” He scans my face, going quiet for a few seconds. “All you have to do is raise this-” grabbing my hand, he makes me ball my fist, “-and swing.”
I don't know what happens to me, but I explode.
“Aargh!” I punch him in the chest, hating the way he's gotten in my head. “Why have you done this to me? Why did you buy me and make me feel things I don't want to feel?” Charlie doesn't fight back when I punch his chest again, just stands there looking down at me. I hit him over and over, pounding viciously. “Why!?! Charlie? Fucking tell me why!” Because he isn't answering me, I really lose it. I grab my jacket hanging by the bedroom door, pull out my gun, and put it to my head. “Is all this because Maksim wronged you!?!” I scream. It's like shards of glass ripping through my throat. “Are you breaking me down to get some payback!?!”
Silence. I can almost hear Charlie’s heart pounding through the tension.
“Tell me,” I click back the hammer, “or I’ll fucking shoot myself.”
Then, Charlie sprints at me and snatches the gun out of my hand. I hear a loud thud—I think he's tossed the gun somewhere—and then he uses his full strength to put me down. I fight against him, scratching to get free, but I'm not in my right mind. Fisting the back of my hair, Charlie drags me across the room and folds me over the bed. He presses a forearm across the back of my shoulders, burying my face in the mattress.
“Calm down,” he says.
“You're a twisted bastard,” I spit out weakly, turning my head to the side so I can breathe. “I'm a cold blooded murderer. I've taken hundreds of lives—some by my own two hands,” I taunt him, my endeavor to make him hate me, “and you want me? You want to take me out on stupid dinner dates? You want me to come and live with you—be with you? Do you know what sick things I've done?”
“I don't care,” he says under his breath.
“I once butchered a man, Charlie,” I moan beneath the pressure of his weight, “I cut off each of his body parts while he scream/cried for me to stop, and I bathed in his blood for Maksim. I've blown away entire families... killed people before they were barely out of their teenage years... I've watched girls get raped and done nothing—NOTHING! Do you still want me now?”
Pressing me further into the mattress, he puts his mouth on my ear and whispers, “No matter what you tell me, I'll still want you. You're worth saving, and do you know why?”
A huge lump forms in my throat.
“Because you feel guilt for the things you've done.”
“I don't,” I say with pity, barely convincing myself.
“You do. I know you do. I've heard your screams in the middle of the night... You beg for someone to stop the torment—and don't tell me you beg for someone to stop Maksim from hitting you because you say names, and none of them were ever Maksim's.
“Nothing you say can change the way I feel about you, Blaire, because regardless of all you've done, you're innocent. Youwant tobe guilt free.”
“Stop! Please... Just stop...” I beg, unable to take this.
“No. I won't stop. You need to know that I really, really care about you. You need to know that I won't let you suffer because of what Maksim's turned you into.”
I'm shaking now, tears leaking out the corner of my eyes.
“You're lying,” I say naively. “You don't care about me. You care about your objective.”
“No, baby, you've got that all wrong. I fucking care about you, and I won't sit back and watch you sell your soul to the devil before you've barely become a woman.”
I burst into tears then, unable to stop, my entire body wracked with emotions that I just don't understand.
“I-I won't come with you, Charlie. I won't come and live with you in Mexico. No matter what you say or do, I'll-I’ll go back to Maksim.”
He doesn't say anything to that, so I just cry away my pain.
“Shhh, baby...” he strokes down the side of my face, catching my tears. “S'all right.”
“It's not all right,” I sob each word. “I'm not all right.”I'm lost.
