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She wasn’t sure she wanted to tell Daniel about what Phil had said to her. So much of it had been about him.
“I know what he said to me was about him, not me or you, but I have to say this. I’ve been wanting to say it for a while now and I think it’s time.”
“Okay.”
“I think we both recognize that this isn’t a forever thing between us. No, let me finish, please? This is hard for me.”
He nodded, but he looked uneasy.
“I’m happy. Being with you has been one of the best things that ever happened to me, and no matter when it ends, that won’t change. I love you for your kindness and your thoughtfulness, and I love you for you. I hope that even when we’re not together anymore, we can stay friends. Okay, that’s it.”
Daniel’s expression was strange, unreadable. “Okay,” he echoed. “Yeah, of course we’ll be friends. Let me get you another cup of tea.”
Had she said something wrong? Maybe it wasn’t the best time to approach the subject after all. Maybe obsessing about what Phil had said to her had pushed Sophia into talking about things that Daniel didn’t want to deal with.
When he brought her mug back to her, she said, “You know what I’d like to do today? I’d like to pick out colors for the bedroom and get the process started. What do you think?”
“I’d like that,” he said, but the wariness was still there in his eyes.
She sipped her tea and decided that what would happen would happen. She couldn’t spend her life worrying about it. She had to do something to begin to push the memory of Phil’s death out of her consciousness.
They managed to pick out the paint for the bedroom, but while they were choosing a new bed for Daniel (the old one being one he brought from his old bedroom at his parents’ home) Sophia was hit with a wave of fatigue the like of which she’d never felt before.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she said. “I’m just so tired all of a sudden.”
“We’ll go home. We’ve done enough for today. You’ve been through too much.” Daniel was always so good to her.
“Have I told you lately how much I appreciate you?” she asked when they got back to his condo.
“Yes, but I can always stand to hear it.”
“You look like such a tough guy… and you are, where it counts,” she told him. “But you’re so kind.”
“I’m not, you know. Do you want to take a nap, sweetheart?”
“No. I mean yes, but I’d rather do it on the couch. Let’s watch a movie or something.”
She dozed through Key Largo, and when she woke she had a craving for Thai food, so they ordered dinner and sat on the couch eating spring rolls and watching Casablanca.
When they finally retired, Sophia found that she felt more at ease. The memory of Phil’s death had become less vivid, less intrusive. Along with a sense of relief that he was out of her life, something she would never have talked about, she felt a little sad for him.
She also found that she was craving Daniel. She lay in bed and watched him undress, and the heat of her desire grew so hot that she felt as if she would burst into flame. She pulled the sheet up to her chin and slithered out of her night clothes, so that when Daniel came to bed, probably assuming that they’d be curling up chastely that night, she surprised him by pulling him into her embrace.
She giggled at his confusion, shivered as he began to touch her with careful hands, and said, “More. Harder. I want to feel you.” She needed this. It wasn’t just a final exorcism of Phil’s control over her, or a desire to know that Daniel found her desirable. It was something bone deep, something awakening in her. It was a hunger that she couldn’t control.
She urged him on, whispering at first, then speaking aloud what she wanted, arousing him with her words, and the sounds of passion that were no longer quiet and ladylike. For the first time, she truly gave voice to the pleasure he gave her, and she could feel how he responded, how his body responded.
It was like madness, and it left her sated, so drained that she could barely move when they finally finished. Only when she grew cold, did she manage to stir herself to tug at the covers. As she pulled them up she rolled onto her side and found Daniel lying there, already half asleep. She pulled the duvet over both of them, and whispered, “I love you.”
Daniel’s eyelashes fluttered and for a few moments he stared at her and said, “And I love you.”
Sophia didn’t bother to try to analyze or parse his meaning. It was enough that he’d said it.
She’d made an appointment with Doctor Forster to talk about what had happened. It was an early appointment, the only one the doctor had open, and she came close to canceling because she felt so dragged out, and a bit queasy.
“I’m easier in my mind,” she said, when the doctor asked how she was feeling. “But it’s had a profound effect on my physically.”
“How so?”
