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“I’m exhausted all the time.”
“Understandable.”
“And I’m often nauseated.”
“Really? Any shortness of breath? Dizziness?”
“No, just sometimes in the morning I’ll feel… Oh.”
“Sophia?” the doctor said gently.
“I think it’s not what happened with Phil. Or maybe only partly,” she admitted.
“Could you be pregnant?”
“It’s not impossible,” she said. “We’ve been careful. Mostly.”
“You need to find out,” Forster counseled. “Sooner rather than later.”
She didn’t know what to think. She tried to talk about Phil’s suicide, but the idea of pregnancy wouldn’t let go of her, and she ended up talking about her relationship with Daniel and how she knew it would end, and she was trying to be adult about it, but how she thought losing him might kill her.
“I don’t want to be a female Phil,” she told the doctor. “I want to accept things as they are, not try to make them what I think they should be.”
“Have you spoken to him about this?”
“Yes, and he agrees that we should stay friends. I just…” Oh God, it hurt so much. She started to cry. “I don’t want to lose him even though I know it has to happen. How will I survive that?”
By the time her session was over, she had managed to pull herself together. She thanked the doctor, then went downstairs and stopped at the pharmacy to buy a pregnancy test. Better to know sooner rather than later.
When she stepped out of the building, Daniel was waiting for her. “What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I thought maybe your session would be rough, and I wanted to be here for you.”
It made her cry. Again.
“Oh God, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“No, sweetheart, no, it’s okay,” he told her, holding her close. “I understand.”
“You don’t.”
“My sister was—”
“It’s not about Phil. It’s about us.” She could feel him stiffen. “Let’s talk in the car, not out here in public.”
“Daniel…” She didn’t know how to start. There was so much to be said, but where to begin? She handed him the bag from the pharmacy and watched as he opened it and realized what she’d bought.
“Are you—”
“I don’t know. I think I might be. I don’t know what to do.”
He closed the bag. “We should get married.”
That made her laugh. “We should wait to see what the test says.”
“No. No, Sophia, no. I don’t want us to think we had to get married. I want us to want to be married. You’ve talked about our relationship as if it’s temporary, and I don’t understand that. This feels like the most permanent part of my life. You say you love me but you talk about being friends.”
“I just didn’t want to lose you.”
