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“I cried over that whole thing for months.” Her eyes glisten and she turns her face away.
I reach for her hand, though surprisingly, she doesn’t yank it away.
“I’m so sorry,” I say. “I wish it could’ve been different.” I wait another minute before adding, “If it’s any consolation, I meant everything I ever said to you. The messages we exchanged, that was me talking to you. That wasn’t Yours Cruelly. That was us. That was real.”
“If you actually cared about me, why didn’t you ever tell me?”
I blow a breath through pursed lips. “Have you met your brothers?”
She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, but they liked you.”
“They liked me because I wasn’t a threat. Trust me, I’d seen the way they dealt with anyone who so much as breathed in your direction.”
“Maybe you should’ve told them about Rob and his plans.”
“I did,” he says. “Who do you think helped me plant the drugs?”
Her brows narrow. “Then why didn’t you tell them you were the one texting me?”
“Because if they ever read those messages—and you know they would have—they’d have fucking killed me. If they had any idea the way I felt about you, they’d have ruined me any way they could’ve.”
Stassi sniffs. “They’ve always had boundary issues.”
“To put it lightly.”
“Do you remember what they did to Evan Blake? Warren Sheridan? Max Callow?” she asks.
“Remember?” I chuff. “Hell, I helped.”
I have to laugh at the memory. I was a part of their brute squad, happily carrying out the beatings with them. We didn’t want anyone touching Stassi. Of course, I did it for a different reason—because I was the one who wanted to be touching her, and couldn’t.
“I wish you would’ve told me all of this sooner,” she says.
“Had I known you knew it was me, I would have. I thought I was protecting you from being hurt again.” I hate that she went all these years believing I did that to intentionally hurt her. I only ever wanted to keep her safe.
“Well now you know,” she says. “Can we add another thing to our list of ground rules?”
“Of course.”
“No more secrets,” she says before pulling me to a standing. But before I have a chance to agree, she’s waxing on about cheeseburgers and leading me down the sidewalk. The previous conversation is over, taking with it my chance to come clean about something else that’s been weighing heavy on my mind.
She grinning now, strolling with a pep in her step, as if the heavy load she’d been carrying has just lightened.
I can’t bring myself to darken this day, so I keep it to myself.
Not forever. But for now.
We’re sucking down the greasiest bacon double cheeseburgers on this side of Portland a half hour later when she suddenly announces, “I’ve been thinking.”
“Okay …”
“You’re really stepping up to the plate with all of this, but I worry it’s only because it’s new and exciting. I don’t want to get my hopes up,” she says. “So please just don’t make any promises you can’t keep, okay?”
“Listen.” I wipe the grease off my mouth and swallow my bite. “You’re right. This is exciting. But it’s not new. Not for me.”
She peers across the table, saying nothing.
“Stassi,” I say. “You can’t tell me you never saw it. You never felt it.”
She opens her mouth, blinking hard. “What? Saw what? Felt what?”
“I’ve been in love with you for almost my entire life.”
She just stares, as if I’ve just told her I’m an alien. “I’m sorry, what?”
“I know this probably feels like it’s coming out of left field. But it’s far from that. Not for me. You have no idea how much I’ve thought about this. About you. And this isn’t how I ever expected to tell you, but I don’t know how much clearer I can make myself.”
“Come on, Alec. Don’t be delusional. You love me? You hated me, from the second you—”
“—from the second I we moved into that house across the street.” I smile. “I remember it like it was yesterday. They were showing me room after room of that monstrosity, and all I was doing was looking across the street at that girl in the braids and pompom hat, wondering what she was doing.”
She blinks. “I don’t … what was I doing?”
I chuckle. “You were making snow soup. You know—put the snow in the bucket and stir until it turns to water … add some pinecones.”
“How do you … ?” Her jaw drops. “Wait. I remember now. You dumped it on my head.”
I wince. “That was later. A different time. But yeah. I was in love with you the second I met you. And I was a little shit to you because of it. I kept wondering how I could actually finagle a way to be with you. But then I became friends with your brothers, thinking we’d naturally get pushed together … and the opposite happened. The more I tried to get closer, the further we were pushed apart. And they made it crystal clear you were off limits. You know how maddening that was?”
