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“I’m sorry I was so much better than you at everything we did today,” he said, taking his shoes off.
“Why do I get the impression you’re not sorry at all?”
“Because you know me.”
I did know him. It had happened incredibly fast. “At least you don’t deny it.”
“Can I get some water?” Corbin asked.
“Of course. Make yourself at home.”
He got himself a drink, and I pulled out some freshly cut veggies and ranch dip. I didn’t mention anything about eating but set the food on the table so it would be there for him if he wanted it. “Want to watch a movie?”
“God. So clingy,” he teased, plopping down on my couch.
I removed my shoes too and joined him. We found a comedy, and Corbin immediately snuggled up against my side as we watched. I’d never realized I liked this so much. I’d been wrapped up in numerous men in my life, been held, held them, but it didn’t have the same weight it did with Corbin. Maybe because I was not only getting that contact, but also the emotional part of knowing it was giving Corbin something he needed.
He picked at the food, selecting a few pieces, which I was glad for. Cucumbers seemed to be his favorite, so I made a mental note to keep them around the house.
When the movie ended, I was surprised when Corbin asked, “Do you miss DJ? I know you cared about him a lot.”
Why was he asking this? Maybe because he was still considering looking for a boyfriend?
“I do…sometimes more than others. I thought I was going to spend my life with him, so of course there are times when it’ll hit me—what I had and what I don’t have now. The upcoming holidays are hard. Christmas Eve is actually his birthday.”
“Ugh.” Corbin playfully banged his head against my chest.
“What?”
“I spend Christmas Eve with my family. It’s…a lot.”
“Maybe we should run away together on Christmas Eve,” I said jokingly.
“I fucking wish. They wouldn’t understand, and I already disappoint them enough.”
Something squeezed in my chest. “You don’t do a damn thing to be disappointing.”
“They don’t mean any harm.”
“Intent doesn’t always matter,” I replied, believing that.
“Damn, why you so smart?”
“Brat.” When he yawned, I asked, “You ready for bed?”
Corbin nodded, paused, then said, “What are we doing?”
I didn’t know. I still couldn’t wrap my head around it, but whatever it was, I didn’t want to stop. “Being cuddle buddies. What else?”
Corbin laughed. “I knew you liked the name!”
He put the dishes in the kitchen while I turned the lights out. We brushed our teeth in my bathroom together, then stripped down to our underwear. When Corbin laid his head on my chest, I breathed out, running my fingers through his hair as I drifted off to sleep.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Corbin
“‘How do you deal with being vulnerable and opening up to your partner when you’ve never done that before?’” I read the listener’s question while sitting in the studio with the Beach Bums as we recorded the next episode. “One, two, three, not it!” I said right after. I had no idea how in the fuck to answer this question.
“Why would you do a thing like that?” Marcus asked, and I swatted his arm.
“Please. Your man has you wrapped around his finger. Don’t pretend you’re not vulnerable as shit with Kai.”
“Vulnerable as shit?” Declan teased.
I ignored his comment. “And you shouldn’t pretend you’re not the same with Bastian. Our two stoic besties are all shmoopy now that they’ve fallen in love, while I can’t even find a boyfriend!”
“Are you still doing that, kid?” Marcus asked.
“Wait,” Parker interrupted. “I definitely want to get back on the topic of Corbin and his boyfriend quest, but I feel like we should answer the question first, and since I’m the only one of the four of us who happens to have any emotional maturity, I’ll take it.”
“Hey! I’m totally emotionally mature!” I argued. There was a beat of silence before my friends burst into laughter. “You guys suck,” I grumbled, pretending to pout. I could do emotions in a way they didn’t seem to think I could. I shared shit with Spencer all the time. We talked about everything. He knew more about me than anyone other than the three people in this room with me.
“Can we get back to Parker answering the question now?” Declan asked, making it clear he really wasn’t going to be the one to answer. “Then we can tackle Corbin’s maturity or lack thereof.”
I gave him the finger.
“There’s no guide on vulnerability,” Parker got us on track again, “but my advice is to find the right person and then give that to them. It’ll be easier because they deserve it. Even before I could admit to myself I had feelings for Elliott, I was giving him pieces of myself I never gave anyone else. My fear held me back, and to this day, I thank him for sticking by me and not giving up. I was in denial about what he meant to me, but at the same time, my heart knew, and that’s why I was able to open up to him like I couldn’t with others. In some ways, I think it comes naturally when the person and timing are right, but you also have to allow yourself to believe it’s okay. You have to open up to yourself and admit how you feel, and once you do, it gets easier to be vulnerable with them.”
