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My skin suddenly grew clammy. Hadn’t I just been thinking about how I shared more with Spencer than I did with anyone other than these guys? And the other night I’d straight up told him that talking with him felt like it did with my Beach Bums. The way Parker made it sound, that meant Spencer was…more to me or something. I said, “But people do that with friends too. Look at us.”
“Of course,” Parker replied. “I’ve always known the three of you were my friends and only my friends. But while I found myself opening up to Elliott in a similar way, I knew my feelings for him were different.”
“Yeah, you never wanted to be our good boy,” Declan teased.
I breathed out a sigh of relief. Not that I didn’t want Spencer, because I did, but also, the thought of wanting more with him was scary as fuck. He was my friend, my CB, and the last thing I wanted was to ruin that. If I got feelings for him and got all relationship vulnerable with him, that would just push him away. Spencer might be willing to cuddle me and want to be my friend and, hell, he even said I was beautiful, but I couldn’t imagine him wanting to be in a relationship with me. And the first time I tried the boyfriend thing, I wanted it to be with someone where I didn’t have as much at stake as I did with him.
“Why you so quiet?” Marcus asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Usually you guys tell me to shut up, and today you’re asking me why I’m quiet? What do you people want from me!” I joked, playing it off with enthusiasm.
“Aw, we never really want you to shut up, Corb,” Parker said.
“Well, that’s good because I don’t ever plan to.”
“Can I admit I’m glad you haven’t been sharing all your hookup stories lately?” Declan said, and…and holy fuck. Because I wasn’t hooking up. When was the last time I’d had sex with someone?
Sweat suddenly dripped down the back of my neck. “I’m trying to find a boyfriend, remember? I’ve been talking to a nice guy online.” Whom I still haven’t tried to see in person. Christopher was nice, but he wasn’t… He just wasn’t.
“He’s not good enough for you,” Marcus said.
I rolled my eyes. “You don’t know anything about him.”
“I think what Marcus is trying to say is that looking for a boyfriend might mean that you’re more willing to accept shitty behavior,” Parker said. “Look at me. I wanted love for years, and all I got was heartbreak after heartbreak. It wasn’t until I stopped looking that I found Elliott.”
“Technically you found him a year earlier, but you refused to go out with him,” Declan pointed out.
“No one asked you.” Parker winked at him.
Marcus’s comment did remind me that I needed to find a way to tell them what I was doing with Spencer. It didn’t suit me to keep things like this from them.
“Let’s answer another question,” I said, changing the subject. I was surprised when it worked.
We went from that to “Mimosas and Man-Talk,” where I talked about one of the movies Spencer and I had just watched, and Parker rambled about a new restaurant he and Elliott had tried. Luckily, they forgot to discuss my emotional maturity.
As soon as Marcus stopped the recording, three sets of eyes zeroed in on me, but it was my bossy best friend who asked, “Why have none of us seen much of you lately?”
“I think I’m gonna go talk to Kai, Elliott, and Sebastian.” I shoved to my feet and went for the door, and as expected, they all followed. The Poddies were all in the living room and looked up when we walked in.
“Is it the Christopher guy?” Marcus asked. “Is he treating you well?”
“Uh-oh,” Kai said. “Daddy is in the building. I repeat, Daddy is in the building.”
“God, I love you,” I told Kai, before turning to Marcus. “It’s not Christopher. He’s a possibility on the boyfriend front. The other thing is something different.”
Elliott smiled. “Well, this just got interesting.”
“Never a dull moment,” Sebastian chimed in.
“Are you okay?” Declan asked. “We were planning on talking to you anyway. You’ve been absent lately, Corb, and I don’t know if it’s because…” His gaze darted around the room, and I knew he meant because they were all happily in relationships and in love and I wasn’t. “We miss you. I can’t even remember the last time you were in Driftwood.”
My heart felt impossibly mushy. Christ, I was so lucky to have these people in my life. How could I care what anyone else thought of me when I had them? “It’s not that. I know your lives aren’t complete without me here all the time. I would never deny you the gift of my presence. I’ve just…been hanging out with Spencer a lot lately.”
