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“Hell no. I haven’t done that since I was a kid.”
“Please…for me, CB?” He fluttered his lashes dramatically. I rolled my eyes.
“Absolutely not.”
“You’re no fun.” Corbin pouted.
“I am the absolute most amount of fun.”
“Is no one planning on asking what CB is? Because I totally am.”
I pointed my fork at Nick. “None of your business.”
“Aw, sex stuff. I get it.”
“Dad! Gross!” my nephew said, which was followed by more laughter. We did that a lot when we were together.
“Nicholas Chase!” Mom scolded. “Watch your mouth in front of the kids.”
My family, ladies and gentlemen.
“I still want Spencer to dance for me.” Corbin crossed his arms and pouted playfully.
“I’ll dance for you later, baby.” I winked.
“Aww!” Layla said. “You guys are so cute. Why don’t you dance for me?” she asked Ken.
“Because I don’t know how? I used to play football in high school. I can do that for you if you want.”
“Straight guys are boring,” my sister-in-law joked.
I turned to Corbin. “I’m sorry we’re like this.”
“I’m not sorry. I love it.”
“What about your family? Do they live close?” Dad asked.
Fuck. I wished I’d thought to warn them not to bring up Corbin’s family. I wasn’t sure how it would make him feel.
“We’re definitely not like this. It’s difficult.”
I could see the wheels spinning in everyone’s head. Mom was the one who spoke first. “Well, you have a family in us, Corbin.”
“Oh, no. They accept my sexuality. I mean, they wish I wasn’t gay and think I’m going to burn in hell, but—Okay, yes, I’m hearing it now. I guess they don’t accept me.” It was the first time I’d heard him say something like that. Corbin always defended them and believed what they gave him was acceptance, but it wasn’t.
I put my hand on Corbin’s nape again, pulled him closer, and kissed him. I left my arm around him, and he scooted closer to me, cuddling into me the way he did.
“Well…” Mom said, “I’m not the type to bad-talk anyone, so I’ll just say you’re perfect the way you are, and no one in this house will ever want to change you.”
“Also, you’re not going to burn in hell,” Ken added.
“Thank you,” Corbin replied, and I kissed him again.
We got off sad topics after that. Corbin didn’t eat much, and I didn’t push it. What I did plan was to do as much research as I could and maybe talk to some therapists I knew from the center—without divulging his personal information, of course—to figure out the best ways to help him and be there for him.
We stayed late, and just as we were about to leave, Mom and I ended up alone in the kitchen. We’d always been close, and I knew she would corner me at some point.
“I love him, Spencer. He’s so sweet and playful, but you can tell there’s so much going on beneath the surface that he doesn’t show easily.”
Jesus. My mom was good. “True. He’s…”
“You love him?”
“I could. I’m not sure if I do, but I could.”
She wrapped me in a tight hug. “I’m so happy for you. You deserve it.”
I just needed to make sure Corbin knew he deserved happiness too.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Corbin
I couldn’t stop obsessing about Christmas at Spencer’s…how different it was from spending time with my own family. They didn’t make Spencer feel guilty about things he had no reason to feel guilty for. They didn’t just say they loved him, they showed how much they loved him by completely accepting him the way he was.
And they had extended that to me. It was so damn refreshing and made me realize how unlike myself I was around my family. I had to stifle who I was, tone myself down, because I was scared if I didn’t, they would stop loving me.
It was a lot to unpack, and a few days after New Year’s, while at work, I was still trying to sort through all my fucked-up shit.
“The flexibility and mobility in your shoulder have increased a lot, even since last week,” I told my patient as we worked through some exercises.
“Thank you. And I hardly feel any pain. I’ve worked with three PTs, and you’re by far the best. I feel like you listen and take the time to come up with creative solutions.”
Well, that was good to hear. “That’s what I’m here for. I feel so lucky that I get to do this. The human body really is incredible.”
“I agree,” she said. “For me it’s emotional stuff. I’m a therapist.”
Therapist, therapist, therapist. For whatever reason, the word echoed through my head. Okay, so I knew the reason. Spencer thought I should talk to someone, and he wasn’t the first one to say that. The Beach Bums had been telling me the same for years, and no matter how much I denied it, deep down I always knew it was true. And ever since all the stuff with Spencer had started going down, I’d been thinking about it more. I was seeing things I’d never allowed myself to see, like how my family treated me…
