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“Do you like it? What you do?” I found myself asking.
“Yes. It’s incredibly fulfilling. Not a day goes by that I don’t feel blessed that I’m able to support people the way I do.”
I nodded, done with the questions, but all fucking day I kept thinking about her, Spencer, family, social media, and all sorts of shit. It wasn’t fun. I missed pretending everything was fine all the time. Honestly, that was a whole lot easier than what I was doing now.
It was still on my mind when I walked out of work at the end of the day, which was why I almost missed Gael sitting on the sidewalk, leaning against the building. He had his eyes closed, and even the set of his small body seemed heavy.
“Hey, you…is everything okay?” I asked, casting a shadow on him.
He looked up at me. “Of course,” he snapped. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Yikes. So not okay. Is there anything I can help with?” I didn’t know how Gael knew where I worked. Maybe I’d mentioned it at some point or maybe Spencer had? Or hell, maybe he’d asked Spencer, but if he had, I knew my CB would have texted me to let me know he was coming.
“That’s not what I said.”
“But it’s what you meant. I read denial because I speak it.”
Something in his gaze changed, his eyes going soft. He nodded toward the book in my hand. “You’re still reading it.”
“Yeah, I’m loving it. I read on my lunchbreak. I would have finished it earlier, but the holidays set me back some.”
He sat there, looking up at me, me down at him. His eyes seemed to say ask me, and I wondered if mine ever did that. If so, I thought it would be when I was looking at Spencer…and he would always ask.
“Are you hungry?”
“I could eat something sweet,” Gael said.
“I know the perfect place. Let’s go.”
Parker owned a bakery that wasn’t far from my work—close enough that we could walk. I held my hand out for Gael, who took it and let me tug him to his feet, before I let go. I was nervous as shit. I had never done this before, helped a kid, but I thought Gael needed it, even if it was only to talk, and he’d chosen to come to me. I wouldn’t let myself mess this up.
We headed to Beach Buns. Gael gave a small smile when he saw the sign. “I’ve never actually been here before. He named it for your group, right?”
“Yeah, we call ourselves the Beach Bums, though I have to admit, I’m nervous over the fact that you listen to our podcast.”
“I’m eighteen,” Gael argued again.
“Yeah, but probably only for like five minutes, and that’s still young. We talk about…stuff.”
Gael laughed. “Why do I actually feel older than you? You can’t even say the word.”
I could definitely say the word sex, I just wasn’t saying it to him. “Let’s go stock up on treats.”
I held the door open for him, and he went inside.
“Hey, Corbin!” Laurie, one of the girls behind the counter, greeted me. “Parker’s not in right now.”
“That’s okay. We just came to get some stuff.” I turned to Gael. “Pick whatever you want.”
“That might be a mistake on your part. I might be small, but I can eat.” He flinched, like he hadn’t meant to say what he had. The part about being small, or about eating?
“Whatever you want,” I confirmed.
He got a cinnamon roll, three cookies, and a drink, before turning to me. “Don’t you want anything?”
“Just a water,” I said.
Gael tried to give me some money to help pay, but I didn’t let him.
We took our haul to one of the tables outside. It was slightly chilly, especially the air coming off the ocean, but it wasn’t too bad. There was more privacy than staying inside.
“So…”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he cut me off.
“Okay, I understand that. I don’t want to push you. There’s a lot I don’t talk about either.” But I wished Gael would tell me what he was going through, open up to me and let me help, the same way people like Spencer or the Beach Bums wanted me to open up to them…the same way they thought they could help me. Why was it that I simultaneously thought I could help Gael but that my best friends couldn’t help me?
Gael was quiet for a moment. He picked a piece off his cinnamon roll and ate it. “Like what?” he asked softly. “You’re hot, you have a million friends, a successful career, a podcast, a boyfriend, and even if you didn’t have Spencer, every queer guy in the world likely wants you. I bet you’ve never been teased a day in your life.”
“That’s not true.” I tried to ignore the thudding in my ears. “I had a terrible time growing up.” I took a deep breath, trying to slow down my heart. I could do this. I needed to do this, to share with Gael, because how could I expect him to open up to me if I didn’t open up to him? “I told you before that I didn’t have a lot of friends when I was young. The only people I had were Parker, Declan, and Marcus. I was teased daily—for my weight because I was bigger then, for my skin because I had acne, for my looks in general. Boys played tricks on me, pretending they liked me, only to then make fun of me. I had mean notes stuffed in my locker and shit written about me on the bathroom walls. It was torture…so no, my life wasn’t always like it is now, but it did get better.” I still had a long way to go, though, didn’t I?
