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Her phone buzzed on the nightstand. Biting her lip, she leaned over to grab it, carefully keeping the covers gathered around her. Her eyes went wide as she read the message, the color draining from her face. When she looked at me again, her eyes were shuttered.
As she scrambled out of bed, the sheets fell away, leaving her exposed, but she didn’t seem to care. Her gaze darted around the room as if searching for an escape route. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have — this was a mistake.”
I sat up, frowning. “Remi, wait. What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” She yanked on her clothes with jerky movements, not meeting my eyes. “I have to go. Just forget this ever happened.”
Panic rose in my chest at the thought of her regretting what we’d shared. I couldn’t lose what I’d found with her, this glimmer of feeling that made me feel alive again.
I caught her wrist before she could flee. “Please don’t do this.” My voice came out rough with emotion I couldn’t hide.
She froze, lips parting. For a breathless moment, I thought she might stay.
Then she pulled away with a sob. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I can’t.”
The door clicked shut behind her, and I was alone with these confusing feelings. But this time, I didn’t have the numbness to hide behind.
My heart thudded in my chest as I stared at the empty space in the bed where Remi had lain just minutes before. My skin still tingled from her touch, but she was gone — fleeing from me as if I were some kind of monster.
Feeling confused and hurt, I dragged myself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom, turning on the shower to scalding hot. As the steam filled the small room, fogging the glass walls of the shower, I stepped under the punishing spray, hoping it would wash away the ache inside me. The water pummeled my skin, but it couldn’t erase the memory of Remi’s body entwined with mine or the connection I’d experienced with her. The events of last night replayed in my mind.
Remi’s warmth in my arms, her soft gasps and moans. The way she’d clung to me afterward like she never wanted to let go. Now those memories were tainted by her hasty retreat, the panic in her eyes as she fled from me.
I leaned against the cold tile wall, letting the water cascade over me as I tried to process the events of the night and my confusing feelings for her. What had happened between us wasn’t just a casual hookup — it had been intimate, raw, and real. And yet, she’d run from it like it meant nothing.
With a groan, I turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist, feeling more lost than ever. I dressed quickly, trying not to dwell on the fact that Remi had done the same thing in this very room not long ago — her eyes full of regret.
After I dressed, I grabbed my bottle of pills and sat down on the edge of the bed. Taking Valium would take the edge of anxiety off. It would help blunt these confusing feelings I was dealing with, but I didn’t want to remain numb anymore, whether it was induced by pills or not. I didn’t want to constantly run and hide. I needed to face everything head-on. Maybe I was finally strong enough.
Making my decision, I put away my pills and reluctantly made my way downstairs to the hotel restaurant. The scent of freshly brewed coffee and bacon filled the air as I entered the dining area. I spotted a few of my bandmates gathered around a table. Their laughter echoed through the room, but it did little to lift my spirits as I made my way over to them.
“Hey, Ghost,” Knox greeted me with a grin, gesturing for me to join them. “Are you feeling any better? You were a wee bit dodgy last night.”
Sid glanced up from his plate of scrambled eggs. “Yeah, you were pretty fucked up. Is everything okay?”
Everyone was watching me intently as I sat down at the table next to Knox. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
Luckily, our tour manager, Darren, who was sitting at the other end of the table, ended the conversation. “Where is Ryder?” He glanced at his watch. “Well, I don’t have time to wait any longer. Busses are pulling out in 90 minutes. We’re heading to Boston where you’ll have a few interviews before soundcheck. Make sure Ryder gets on that bus.”
Darren placed his napkin on the table, stood up, and then left. Everyone shrugged and then resumed eating.
The conversation around the table shifted to lighter topics, but it was all just background noise to me. My thoughts kept drifting back to Remi, her panicked expression when she woke up beside me, and the way she fled the room like her life depended on it.
Knox leaned in to talk and kept his voice low so the others wouldn’t hear. “Anything you wanna talk about?”
“Maybe later,” I answered, not wanting to go into details just yet.
I ordered breakfast and then let the conversation flowing around the table distract me while I ate. After everyone had finished their breakfast, they started to leave, except for Knox, who stayed seated long after his plate was empty.
When it was just the two of us left, he tilted his chair back and watched me picking at my food. “Alright, let’s have it then.”
“Uh, yeah,” I replied, rubbing a hand over my face. “Just ... a lot fucking happened last night.”
He glanced around the room to make sure no one could overhear us before he spoke, his voice filled with concern. “You mixed Valium and alcohol last night. I know it’s not the first time, but you were a mess, mate. I was worried.”
Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair. The memories of last night were hazy, but the feeling of despair still lingered. “I know, Knox. I was in a bad place, thinking about my past and what would happen if it got out to the public. But ... I talked it over with Remi.”
His eyes narrowed, worry etched on his face. “You wanted to be alone with her. She seemed genuinely worried about you last night. I hope she’s not playing us both.”
