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All I need is for her to admit those three little words aloud. I just hope Karma doesn’t get me and she waits till I die to say them.
* * *
“All you ladies better hustle out there! I don’t want to see any fumbled passes, no drop balls or I’ll make sure the lot you wish you never had balls to begin with.” I smirk, Travis really fucking sucks at pre game speeches. I look around the locker room at my new team and smile. I have faith in them, we got this shit in the bag. They gave me a hard time, but the more I proved myself and my worth to the team, the less they gave me shit. They know I can bring home the W tonight. “Corvin.” I snap my gaze to Travis and quirk a brow. “You fucking throw like you have never thrown before. If you throw a Hail Mary, you make sure it’s in the fucking endzone, got it?” I smile and nod.
“I got this,” I say cockily. The team cheers and shouts. I join in on the excitement but the moment Travis tells Ash to lead the team from the locker room, my stomach twists into knots as nerves start to course through me at the prospect of seeing her or not. By the end of tonight I could have a girlfriend or wind up broken hearted. I follow the team out, the vibe in the tunnel as we make our way to the field is unlike any other. It’s this moment right here that sets the stage for the whole game. If you don’t have the mojo within the team as you walk out, then your game will bomb, it’s an unwritten fact of the game.
“Let’s do this, boys!” Ash screams from the front. He and I have actually hung out a couple times during practice and I have to admit he isn’t a dick like I thought. He’s actually a really good guy. I follow after the team and the moment we step out of the tunnel and the crowd sees us they go crazy and cheer. The announcers start to introduce me and I hold my helmet so they all know who the new starting QB is.
“Corvin Williams is the starting quarterback for WFU for the remainder of the season. Captain and star QB Asher Nolls sustained an injury and Corvin stepped in. The guy’s stats are amazing and his win record with CHU is impressive. Wake Forest University is proud to introduce its new starting QB, give it up for Corvin Williams!” The crowd goes wild at the announcer’s introduction. It’s then that I finally lift my gaze and look toward the seat where I pray Alexa is sitting.
A smile stretches across my face at the sight of my sister, Darius, Beckett, Val, Dawson, Crue and Saint. The guys had a by-game this week and I honestly didn’t expect to see any of them here tonight! Crue and Saint lift a sign above their heads. It’s bright freaking orange and stands out like a sore thumb.
WFU’s QB is the best at handling balls, just ask us!
I shake my head, they are fucking idiots! Before making my way over to them I run my gaze to the other end of the row and the smile drops off my face. The seat she’s meant to be in remains vacant. My heart sinks in my chest and any teether of hope I still held onto dissipates. I swore off relationships after Lana, promising myself I would never let another girl get close enough to fuck with my head or hurt me. Yet, I unknowingly allowed Alexa full access to all of me. I fell in love with a girl who never had any intentions of loving me back. My chest burns knowing I lost her.
Closing my eyes, I force the feeling of my heart breaking inside my chest down. All I need to do is get through tonight and win the game. I’ll deal with everything else tomorrow because tonight, I plan to mend my heart by finding my way to the bottom of a bottle of Patron.
Alexa
Six days later
“You really didn’t have to drive me around you know.” Katie looks over and smiles at me. She’s been the only person I have been able to speak to about everything where Corvin is concerned. I flew out here last night, we have four days over Easter and I know Corvin is at his cabin with his friends. Katie refused to go because her, Saint and Crue are still not speaking, so she stayed back with Nathan.
“I know, but it’s not like I have much else to do,” she says solemnly.
“They still won’t let you explain?” I push. She sighs and shakes her head.
“No. It’s okay though, I made the mistake and now I have to live with my choices but I do need to tell you something.” I tense.
“Why does it sound bad?”
She smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “It won’t matter to you since you live in NC, but I’m heading back home. I enrolled in a local college back there.”
“What the fuck! Why?”
She shrugs her shoulders as we pull up out front of the place I have refused to visit. “One day I may just tell you, but for now, I don’t want you keeping a secret from Corvin that isn’t yours to keep, if you get what I mean?” I frown but say nothing. As I get out of the car and make the trek across the cemetery, I know if I truly am to move on, then this is something I need to do. The moment I see her tombstone a lump forms in my throat.
Cody Alice Sutton
Seeing her name written in stone has tears clouding my vision. I’ve avoided coming here, as the fact of seeing her name displayed on this fucking stone makes it real. She’s never coming back, no matter the amount of pain I inflict on Corvin or anyone else. My sister is gone and I need to face that fact, or I risk sabotaging my own chance at happiness. Lowering to my knees, I reach out and brush my fingers across her name.
“I miss you so much,” I choke out. “I know you can probably see the mess I’ve made from up there but I swear, Cody, I only meant to honor our pact, not fall for your sort-of boyfriend.” Shame washes over me admitting that aloud. Corvin was right, I do have feelings for him. I had planned to go to his game and show him that I wanted more with him, but receiving his texts each day, I knew if I wanted to give this thing with him a shot, a real shot, then I needed to let go of the past and stop blaming him. “I know you’re probably pissed at me and I get it. I would be too but I… I love him, Cody, and I want to be with him.” Saying that aloud for the first time has a weight lifting off my chest. I had no idea how freeing it would feel to finally stop lying to myself about my feelings. “I came here to tell you that I choose him. I love him and I know it will be hard if he gets drafted and me being at school, but I just know we can make it work. I’m so sorry, Cody. I love you and miss you, sister, but I can’t let him go.”
* * *
After spending an hour talking to Cody and crying myself out of tears, I say goodbye and head back to the car where Katie waits for me. She smiles and reaches out to place her hand on my shoulder when I slip into the car.
“She would be so fucking proud of you, Lexi.” Her words have my eyes welling with tears again. I reach and pull her hand from my shoulder and clasp it in mine as I look directly into her eyes so she can see how serious I am.
“Thank you for always checking on me and being kind even when I was a bitch to you.” Her bottom lip trembles. “You are an amazing friend and my sister was so lucky to have you.”
“You have me as well, Lexi.”
I smile. “I know, which is why I need to ask a favor, please.”
“Of course.” I tell her my plan and I see she is hesitant to do it and run the risk of running into certain people, but in the end, she finally agrees. Nervous energy courses through me as we head back to CHU so we can pick Nathan up, but I have another idea first.
