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I closed my eyes and let more magic flow.
I had a nearly endless well of it. It had always felt unfair to me that Shaan had been born with so little while I had enough to do things the fae considered impossible before my birth.
When I opened my eyes, they ached at the darkness. I clenched the jewel at my throat again before sucking the shadows back into myself. If a palace attendant or guard walked out into the pitch black it would terrify them, even if they knew the source.
I remembered Lira’s words as we walked through the city.They’re afraid of you, aren’t they?Misery poured through me like a tumbled jar of ink, soaking into my bones and unearthing hard memories.
There were very limited places in the world I belonged and even fewer people I fit with. I’d loved Lira seeing me as some petty thief, someone of no note. She’d drawn to me despite that. So many of the beings who tried to befriend or flirt with me did so because of my powers or my position as a prince. Lira had seen me as Sai. Had appreciated me for that.
And I’d done nothing but burn it to the fucking ground from the moment we’d met.
With those heavy thoughts I pushed away from the wall, clipped across the pavers, and knocked on Shaan’s door. I waited for several minutes before he answered.
“Can I come in?” I asked.
He cleared his throat and pulled the door back.
A single lamp lit his room, the light dipping along the curves of pottery he’d arranged in neat rows along a table. I didn’t know why he bothered with pottery. He was an artist, but clay work had never intrigued him. He dropped onto a couch and gestured for me to sit beside him.
“How are you?” I asked as I sat.
He leaned against the couch’s back, his sherwani wrinkling. “I’m not that different from when you left a month ago, and the topic was stale before then. You, however,”—he sat back up and cocked his head—“have had some major changes. I suppose I owe you congratulations on your marriage. Fucking bold of you to announce it in front of the court before you told our family.” He rolled his eyes and gave me a playful shove that reminded me of our childhood. “You’re the only one of us who could get away with that shit.”
I chuckled. “Probably so.”
“So, how’d you meet her?”
Now that was a story. I leaned against my knees and studied the intricate patterns of the rug beneath my feet. Shaan always loved color and his room reflected it. Teals and jades and crimsons and golds swirled together on lamps and paintings and bed coverings. “What would you say if I told you it started with me having my wards down and ended with her threatening me at knifepoint?”
Shaan remained silent for a moment, and I shifted to steal a peek at him. His eyes had widened, and he laughed. “I’d say, leave it to you to marry the most dangerous being you could meet.”
“That sounds like me.”
He smiled. “She seems great, though.”
“She is.” Silence stretched between us again, a sea of unsaid things. I’d just stood in the courtyard reflecting on all the things I’d say, the truth I’d speak, if I could go back. I clenched my hands together. “Unfortunately, she hates me.” I dropped my head against my shoulder. “Deservedly, at that.”
Shaan frowned. “How could you say that? She doesn’t seem to hate you.”
I gave him the basics of the story as quickly as I could then shrugged. “I fucked up.”
His fingers reached up to his neck like he’d touch his zevar but paused before reaching the cord that dipped beneath his shirt. “It’s easy to do in relationships.”
“Yeah. Anyway…”
“I appreciate you bringing my zevar back.” His voice lowered to a mewling sound as his shoulders dropped. “I’m sorry my mistakes cost you so much, cost our court so much.”
“Shaan.” I clapped his arm. “Let’s not go over this again. You blame yourself too much.”
His lips pinched. “You care about Lira, though, beyond the political?”
I swallowed, and the sound echoed as the lamp flickered and glimmered over the rich colors of the embroidered fabrics that made up Shaan’s room. I’d promised myself to be more honest. “Yes.”
“Perhaps she’ll come around, then. It’s been an intense few weeks for you both. She probably just needs some time. You’re a good man.” He looked up at me and smiled. “She’s lucky to have you.”
I released a dismissive chuckle but couldn’t help but appreciate Shaan’s words, regardless of if I agreed with them. “Thank you. What did she say to you after dinner?”
“Ah.” He clasped his hands together and pulled away from me. “She spoke a great deal of Lennox, actually.”
