Page 39 of Songs of Sacrament


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Sai turned towards me so that his tawny skin shimmered in a patch of sunlight. My stomach fluttered, and I wanted to smack myself. Just because he was attractive didn’t make up for his actions. And it didn’t make him trustworthy.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I wasn’t sure you’d want to speak with me, and I didn’t know what to say after that prophecy.”

“So say nothing. That’s obviously better.”

“I’m trying to talk now.”

I stopped walking and turned on him. The rest of the group meandered on, but we stood facing each other in the jungle's belly. His eyes welled with so much. The dark surface of them reflected the sun peppering through leaves. The high collar of his shirt grazed against the sharp lines of his neck and damn him for being so good looking. “Tell me one thing, then. Did you decide to cut me out before we had sex… or after?”

“Lira, listen—”

“Answer me.”

He bowed his head, and dark locks of his hair spilled over his forehead. “After,” he whispered.

My heart ached like a clawed hand clutched it. I’d suspected that. Somehow it still hurt, because I apparently still had feelings for him. “Of course.”

“I had to think about my family and my team. Every choice I make reflects on others. I can’t decide things solely for myself, especially with that job. Lennox’s betrayal was a reminder of how much was at stake.”

I thought of Lennox, his perceptive, thoughtful expressions, how kind he was, and how he seemed to have so much more going on than he showed. “Lennox did wrong by your brother, but I think there’s more to the story.”

Shadows slipped around Sai, darkening him. “You seem quick to jump to Lennox’s defense.”

“You seem quick to get pissed off about it.”

“Well, you spent a lot of time with him so I suppose you might know something about his feelings.”

I clenched my fists. “He’s still in love with your brother. You know that, right?”

“He was never in love with Shaan. You saw how the bastard treated him.”

“He stole from him, yes, but he’s under a lot of pressure.”

Sai’s zevar had slipped past his shirt and gleamed. “So that makes his actions right?”

“It means he is complicated.”

Sai licked his lips. “So, Lennox can have complicated motivations, but I can’t?”

“Don’t make this about you.”

“I’m making this about us.”

I stomped a foot. He didn’t have to keep feeling like he was obligated to me. I was being ridiculous expecting so much of him. It embarrassed me how much I still wanted his approval and longed to trust him.

“There is nous, Sai. We were one night. And it was a good night—for me at least—but that’s all we were or ever will be. One wonderful night. I’m sorry you got stuck marrying me and having to pretend in front of your family. I’m here to help your team and your people. That’s what you care about, right? Once this job is done, we can end whatever this is between us and move on with our lives.”

I whirled around and marched towards the group.

Sai took a long time to catch up.

CHAPTERFIFTEEN

SAI

We were one night.That’s all we were or ever will be.

Lira’s words haunted me as we finished our journey through the buzzing, sloshing, swampy jungle.

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