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I tangled the straps of his pack around my fingers. I’d harmed him and nearly cost him his life. The bhoot had pulled him off the bridge—and damn her straight to hell because I’d rip her apart if I could—but I’d felt so frantic seeing him bleeding, a gaping hole torn through his side that I’d panicked. If I’d used more finesse with my magic, he wouldn’t have suffered so much. At least she implied that he’d wake.
“If you plan to stay with him,” Rainoe said, breaking into my thoughts, “I’ll lie down in the next room for a few hours.”
“I do.”
“All right. Call for me if anything doesn’t feel right or if his breathing speeds up or slows down.”
I bobbed my head, and she exited, pulling the door shut behind her. After dropping the bag, I sat on the edge of the bed and brushed my fingers over Sai’s bare shoulder. A cool sense of calm flooded through me, and I didn’t move my hand away as the sunlight outside brightened, gold that reflected off the ivory ceilings and made the room incandescent. I had nothing to do now but sit and wait to see if this man would open his eyes again. To see if I’d have a chance to apologize and tell him everything whirling through my mind.
CHAPTERTWENTY-NINE
SAI
I tooka deep breath and stretched. Lira moved her hand away—somehow I knew it was her touch—and I snatched it, draping my palm over hers. I didn’t want her to leave me, ever, and especially not at that moment. I blinked my eyes open to gold that poured through the windows and gave color to her hair, like it swirled through her curls and wrapped around her as much as I always desired to. She wore an ivory gown that followed her curves and undulated around her knees where she had them tucked up onto the bed.
“Lira,” I said, my voice groggy.
Her nose flared. Then she dropped her forehead against mine, her trembling breath warming my cheek. “You lived.”
“It would seem so.” I tucked an arm around her and rubbed her back. A painful tenderness pulled through my side, but with Lira curled against me, relief flooding out of her in a heavy sigh, I didn’t care. Everything was exactly as it should be.
“How do you feel?” she asked.
Like shit. I groaned. “Let me stand and I’ll tell you.”
She rose and shuffled back before stretching her arms out to help me balance. I slid my legs over the edge. Loose, cream pants unfurled with the motion, and the tile floor was cool against my bare toes. I leaned against her arms then stood. It took me a moment to orient myself as I bunched my hands into the pants that didn’t belong to me. I raised my arms, stretched, then winced at the pull in my side.
I’d lived. My thoughts echoed Lira’s words. It surprised me. Despite Rainoe’s teasing about me showing up here injured all the time, that was only partially true. There’d been a few jobs where the team and I had gotten scuffed up—Orman, Neia, and me in particular. We’d had broken bones repaired and cuts healed.
I’d never had them bring me back from the brink of death.
Lira’s eyes trailed down my form, slowly, and she stopped at my abdomen. A thick, ragged scar ran from the bottom of my ribs to past my waistband. If the lingering pain was evidence, I’d say the scar went just past my hip bone. Lira’s mouth gaped, and I cleared my throat.
“Let me see if I can find the washroom. I’ll be back in a moment.”
I stepped into the hall, located the washroom, attended to personal needs, then looked at the scar more carefully. It was nearly as wide as my hand. Goddess save me, I’d survived that. As I took the next breath, I was aware of the air filling my lungs in a way I normally wasn’t. I wouldn’t be heaving in breaths right now, thinking about my family and team, able to see a future… if it weren’t for Lira.
It was with that awe sitting warm in my chest that I returned to the room. Lira hunched into the chair and chewed on the end of her thumb. Her eyes flitted to me with so much worry and guilt in them. It was selfish to feel happy over her concern. I crouched in front of her, ignoring my side. “I think I’m going to make it.” A tear spilled from one of her eyes and grazed down the smooth skin of her cheek. I swiped it away slowly, letting my thumb linger. “What’s wrong, Lira?”
She leaned away from me and gestured to my stomach. “That’s my fault.”
I shifted to resting on my knees, the muscles required to crouch were in too much pain, and looked down at the scar again with fresh eyes as I ran my palm over the unfamiliar texture of it. Did she imagine I would ever look at this scar and see anything besides how she’d saved me? That and the fact that I’d been at peace to face death if I did so at her side before she drew me back from Yama’s grasp.
I let my voice turn teasing. “I knew when I married you that you’d mark me for life, if you remember.”
She released a sob of a laugh. “Don’t joke about this. It’s my fault. If I’d known about my magic—”
“Lira.” I cupped her neck to stall her words. The patter of her heartbeat against my fingers felt as comforting as releasing my shadows. “You saved my life. Scars are part of living. I’m not upset to have it.” I traced down the grooved surface of it again. “It means I survived.”
She tucked her nose against my neck, and for a moment I listened to our breaths echoing against the quiet of the aspataal house. “Oh, Sai.” She pulled me closer to her so that a biting, herbal smell filled my sinuses. Rainoe had tended to her as well then. I owed her thanks. Lira rubbed her face against my shoulder like she’d burrow into me. “I thought you would die for sure.”
My lips brushed over the soft waves of her hair. My memories felt scattered after the accident, but she’d said she loved me, didn’t she? The shared relief and comfort of touching each other felt palpable between us. I wasn’t certain, though. Perhaps I’d imagined that. “Lira,” I said, my voice growing hoarse and low.
She leaned back but kept her wrists resting against my shoulders, her fingers draping along my neck. “What is it?”
“I was delirious after the injury.” I pulled away from her, dropping my arms against my legs, and fidgeted with a crease in my pants. If I said something that caused her to look at me with disdain again, to pull away, to talk about wanting to leave, I was sure it would break my heart. But when I’d laid dying in that Goddess forsaken temple, my greatest regret was not being honest with her. I took a deep breath and looked Lira in the eyes. “I don’t remember what was real about everything that happened or what I imagined. So, I’m not sure if my memories of the conversation we had actually occurred, but I want you to know”—I swallowed—“I love you. I regret everything that happened between us and—”
Lira smashed her lips against mine and twined her fingers into my hair, pulling me towards her. I released a groan, and my hands dropped to her waist. She kissed me like she’d consume me, plant herself into my flesh. And I tasted her mouth with the same fervor. I’d undo every bit of good Rainoe had done for us, bruise her lips until they were swollen, kiss her neck until I left marks of my own on her.
