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“I know that Will. I know you would never hurt me the way he did. You would never purposely scare me, but I can’t trust myself to make the right choices anymore. I can’t tell if this is as special as it seems simply because you’re not him or if it’s something more than that and I don’t want to hurt you,” she admitted, hoping it wouldn’t upset him too much.
“By breaking my heart if you realize it’s not?”
“I don’t want to hurt you. I’d never want to hurt you and although the way I feel when I’m with you is incredible…I can’t dive into this too fast. Can you handle that?”
“Does that mean no more kisses?” he asked cupping her cheek.
“No,” she said, leaning into his touch, enjoying it immensely. “It means taking this back to those high school days when you’d never know what would happen next. I just need to take things slow. Figure out what I’m feeling and if it’s even possible for me to honestly be with someone again…and I don’t mean simply sex Will.”
“I know sweetie,” he said dropping a kiss onto her forehead. “It’ll never be simply sex though, not for us and I don’t care how long it takes. I will wait as long as you need Livy.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m in love with you,” he admitted needing her to know the truth. “I love you. I don’t know when it changed from simply loving you as my friend and assistant to you being the woman in my dreams…but I couldn’t hide from it after Vancouver anymore. When you tied my tie for me, I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to take you upstairs and kiss you over and over. I still do but I know I can’t rush you. Iwon’trush you, Livy. I just want you to give this and us an honest chance.”
“I will,” she promised. “I don’t want to live like this forever…but I don’t want you to be disappointed with me if I can’t…”
“Can’t what Livy?”
“If I can’t ever return your feelings or sleep with you.”
“There’s more than one way to sleep with someone Livy. Maybe that’s what we need right now,” he said kissing her gently.
“What does that mean?”
“It means that you’re going to have to be willing to try. If you don’t want to live like this you have to take a chance, a risk…spend the night with me, just sleeping beside me.”
“Will, I wake up in cold sweats half the time.”
“Then I’ll be there to hold you when you do, trust me to keep you safe, the same way you trusted me when you were thirteen and were scared to jump off the high dive,” he said holding out his hand to her. “Jump with me Livy.”
“Okay,” she replied putting her hand in his. “It’s a little early for bed though.”
“It is…but it’s not too early for a walk. Let’s get you a nice warm coat and then we’ll take a jot around this place, put some color back in your cheeks.”
“Sounds nice,” she agreed and that night when it was time for bed she moved to the door of his room even as her hands shook.
“Nothing will happen to you sweetie, I promise,” he told her as he walked them over to the bed. He pulled back the covers and slid in holding out his hand for her. She took it and laid down beside him forcing herself to relax. “Just close your eyes Livy. I’ll be right here with you.”
She let out the rest of her breath and felt herself falling into a restless sleep. It started out same as it always did, with her dreaming of him until Scott showed up and began to taunt her, claiming he still owned her, that she’d never be rid of him. She fought him trying to find Will and the peace she felt with him, but she couldn’t. The more she looked the further away from him she got until the only thing left was Scott’s smirking face as he lifted the gun towards her again. She bolted upright as the scream stuck in her throat and then she was wrapped in a pair of arms as she tried to stop the tears.
“Shh Livy, sweetie, it’s okay…you’re safe. You’re safe, sweetie,” Will said gently as she turned into him burying her face against his chest. He felt the tears and they seared his soul knowing that she wasn’t close to being ready for anything else. “Shh…it’ll be okay Livy.”
She shook her head trying to talk but there were no words possible.
He lifted her face gently towards him and asked, “What was the dream?”
“They’re always the same, I’m with you…then he shows up telling me he’ll never let me go…that I’m still his no matter what I try to do. I hate it Will. I hate that he’s winning still despite everything else I try to do he’s still winning.”
“How is he winning?”
“Look around us; we’re in the middle of nowhere hiding because I couldn’t face the rest of the world. I know I’ll never be able to do what I want, be with who I want because he’ll be there making me feel like a worthless piece of crap.”
“That’s not true Livy. You are an incredible and talented woman. You are stronger than this. You kept the truth to yourself for two and a half years, sweetie, in order to protect us. It’s time to let us protect you so you can heal. Why don’t we go home? Being around your sister and brother, your parents, it’ll show you what you held on for.”
“I don’t know…”
“The reporters are gone Livy. The story is buried with Scott now. You are not worthless. You are so far from it that you’re priceless sweetie. You are everything anyone would ever want, beautiful, kind, strong, and you love with your whole heart. You’ve been shielding it for years…let us have it back. Come back to us Livy. Come home.”
