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The look in his eyes helped her take the chance and she nodded letting him hold onto her as he soothed her back to sleep.
Will held her long after she’d fallen asleep, her head resting on his chest. He wanted her to see how special she was, and he wanted her to be able to love him back. He’d been patient, waiting for a moment to simply get closer to her, and he couldn’t stop that now. She was starting to trust that he’d be there for her in every way. He wouldn’t destroy that simply because he wanted to sleep with her.
God, he wanted more than that from her. He wanted her heart and soul to belong to him the way his did to her. She had the power here but until she saw that he was willingly giving it to her, he knew she’d still run.
Chapter 10
“Olivia, how are you today?” Teri asked as she sat down.
“Better than last week…I know I’ve slid backwards a bit being back here the last month, but Will’s been beside me the entire time.”
“And how does that make you feel?”
“Really great but also really horrible because I don’t want to hurt him.”
“You think you will?”
“I don’t know…I love him as my friend and kissing him touches a part of me that I thought was dead but…” She stopped unsure how to say it, explain what was holding her back still.
“What Olivia?”
“I’m scared to move forward any further. I have no idea if I could do that. I’ve felt myself responding to him more and more, but I’m terrified that if we do move on together, or at least if I try to, that I’ll freak out. I haven’t told him any of it. He knows Scott hurt me but not about what he’d do…”
“And you’re afraid if you do that he won’t want you anymore?” Teri asked gently.
“Why would he? I feel dirty and disgusting when I think about what Scott’s done to me. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror, I still have trouble doing it, but I couldn’t unless it was to make sure the bruises weren’t showing.”
“Olivia, you are not dirty or disgusting. You went through hell and it’s going to take time to get over it. What do you feel when you’re with Will? Not in a sexual way or about him being your boss, what do you feel inside yourself when you’re with Will?”
“Confusion and yet hope…I don’t think of him in the same light as I did once. I hadn’t even before I met Scott, but he never looked at me as anything other than Dan’s sister and his friend. Now…I want him in my life, so badly but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to try.”
“You don’t know if you’re strong enough to be happy?” Teri questioned, shaking her head slightly at her, making Olivia’s brow lift a bit in response. “You endured living hell and made it out. You are strong enough for this. You are so strong it will be easy if you just let it be.”
“And if I admit that I’m in love with him and can never move beyond this then I doom both of us to being miserable.”
“You’ll never know what’s possible until you take a chance on it. Do you love Will enough to risk him not being able to handle your truth? Are you willing to take a step away from the world again to keep your secrets safe?”
“No…but what do I do if Will can’t look at me the same? What if I tell him and it ruins everything? Or what if I tell him and he can deal with it, but I can’t ever be intimate with him?”
“You’ve already allowed him some intimacies though Olivia. You’re still staying with him, sleeping beside him at night, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, I am but he’s never seen me or the scars that won’t fade.”
“Take it easy, there’s no need to rush anything. Slowly tell him, ease yourself into it.”
“And if I do…and it changes everything then what?”
“Then you’ll know that he’s not the right man for you. Olivia, there is no rush to any of this. What you’ve done, being able to even sleep beside him in the same bed is extraordinary at this point. Everyone moves and heals at their own pace. Don’t think there’s a set timetable that you need to follow or that it is too soon to try any of this either. Feel what you feel, let others know what it is that you’re feeling and see where that takes you.”
Olivia nodded thinking over her words as the day slipped past her. She was in the kitchen making dinner when Will came home, sliding up behind her, and gently pulling her into his hold. She sighed as he kissed the side of her neck and felt her body come alive. It made the decision to tell him about what happened with Scott easier because she had to know if he’d accept her fully. After dinner she went up to the bedroom and changed into a set of silk pj shorts and tank top before going to find him in the living room as he watched the evening news.
“Livy…god sweetie you are so beautiful,” he said catching sight of her. She sat down beside him on the couch, and he reached out a hand tracing the sweep of her neck and down her arm until he took her hand into his. “You have no idea how beautiful you really are, do you?” he added when she shied away from it a bit. “Even when we were younger I could see it. I hated hearing about your dates from your brother, thinking that another guy was trying to sweet talk you into things the way we had with girls growing up. I should have realized that it wasn’t just concern.”
Her heart stalled thinking of Will as jealous. It didn’t worry her the way it had with Scott, instead it wrapped around her and soothed her, and she knew she had to tell him before she fell any further for him. “Will…”
“Shit, I’m sorry sweetie. I didn’t mean that to sound…” Will said realizing that he’d just shown how jealous he’d been.
“I know you’d never hurt me. I know that any twinge of jealousy you felt wouldn’t come across the way his did. It’s okay. I…”
