AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I fall onto my ass and give her a wounded look. “I’m sorry, Mom. I did my best. I couldn’t save them all.”
As Mom breaks down sobbing, I see Dad’s hand reaching for me. I crawl over to him, resting my head against the bed. He pets my hair, uttering soft assurances.
It’s okay.
You’re home safe.
I love you, sunshine.
I hate how hurt my father is, but I’m so happy to see him. Being back home, protected by my parents, has exhaustion taking over. My eyelids are heavy, drooping as I try to stay awake. I can hear my parents talking to each other but am too sleepy to make sense of it.
“Come on, baby,” Mom whispers when the cabin is dark. “Time to get you to bed.”
I’m not sure how much time has passed. I can barely open my eyes long enough to let Mom help me off my slumped position on the floor. She guides me over to the couch. When I crash onto it, she takes my boots off and then covers me with a blanket.
The cushions beneath me are soft and smell like Ronan. Knowing I’ve sat on this couch a million times with him, reading and just talking, warms me.
I miss him.
I miss the way we used to be.
But now there’s a new way for us—where we’ve been with each other in the most intimate of ways. He’s been inside my body. That changes things.
Will we ever go back to the easy, happy times of reading beside each other without a worry in the world?
Do I want that?
I’m not sure. What I do know is I want my brother back. I want them both back. Ronan and Ryder. The three of us having fun times where we swam together in the creek and gave each other crap.
I miss those days.
I miss them.
He’s dead.
My tormentor and rapist is dead.
I mean, he has to be, right? I shot him and stabbed him in the ear. Without proper medical treatment, he’ll get an infection like CJ did, and eventually die. The whole world can take an easy breath when that happens, knowing there’s one less monster lurking about.
The problem is, though, I’ll never know for sure. He’ll always be my living nightmare. Waiting and biding his time for the perfect chance to pounce on me, forever making me his little pet. I’ll always be forced to look over my shoulder, anticipating his next move.
He’s dead.
I repeat that thought over and over and over again inside my head, hoping it’ll stick, indefinitely chasing away the worry and doubt. Even if he lived for some wild reason, he won’t have his brother or father or uncle. His cousins are dead too. The few people he had left at that camp wouldn’t be able to take over again and it’s doubtful he’d ever find his way back having not grown up in these woods like we did.
So why can’t I just let it go?
Fear keeps me on edge as we make our journey. We’re almost home, having long since been walking down the road that’ll take us there. Everything I love and hold dear is within my grasp.
And yet, I’m not happy.
How can I be? The shit I went through plays on repeat in my mind. I remember every thrust, every punch, every cruel word so vividly. No matter how much I try to think of better things like my parents being alive or seeing Raegan again, my mind always drifts back to the pain—pain I still feel all over my body.
I’m terrified to take a shit.
Of course no one but me knows this. It’s not something I can exactly admit to my brothers or the girls. Not eating much is my solution. Maybe by the time it does happen, I’ll have healed completely.
What would Ryder think if he knew Logan did that to me? Would I disgust him?
