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"Maybe I am," she shot back in indignation. "Butmaybe, I really have violet eyes."
"Is it because I said it's my favorite color? Come one, curiouscat, don't tell meyou've fallen for me?" he chuckled.
A pause.
"Why would I?" she replied in averyeven tone. "I'd have to be a masochist to fall for someone who enjoys making fun of me all the time," she said with a huff.
"And now you're stalling. What's wrong, curiouscat?" Raf eventually asked, recognizing that she wouldn't engage him in conversation if there wasn't anything bothering her.
"I…" she sighed. "Just family stuff. I guess I needed a moment of normality before going back to the real world."
"What happened?" he inquired, forgetting momentarily about their rules. She sounded so forlorn, in a way echoing his own loneliness that he couldn't help himself.
"Can't say. Rule one, remember?" her voice was soft, as if she was regretting the presence of the rule but needing to abide by it anyway.
"Circumvent it," he pushed on. "Leave out the recognizable details."
She was quiet for a moment, and Raf didn't know if she was going to say anything. Odd how they'd always been at each other's throats online yet now he wanted to be there for her—at least for a little while.
Due to its marked absence in his life, he knew what it was like to wish for someone to talk to but having no one.
He heard her intake of breath.
"Suppose your family is trying to force you to do something. Against your will. Something that benefits them but only hurts you…"
"Don't do it," Raf immediately said. He had enough experience with that and knew the repercussions of choosing to do only what other people wanted of him. "Don't sacrifice yourself for them."
"But what if there's…no way out? What if it's something that you've been told you need to do your entire life?"
Raf closed his eyes, his lips flattened into a thin line.
"I don't know what it is you're talking about, but from experience, I can tell you that doing what other people want to the detriment of whatyouwant will only end badly. Don't sacrifice yourself for anyone, curiouscat. No one deserves that much. Just likeyoudon't deserve to be put in that position."
He thought he heard a sniffle.
"You're not that bad, are you, Blue?" she tried to imbue some cheerfulness into her voice.
He merely smiled against his mic.
"I don't know if I can refuse. Not this. I depend on them for everything and… Agh," she cried out. "Why the hell is life so difficult?"
"What would be the fun if it was simple?" he retorted, surprising himself with the words. "I've lived with that dilemma my entire life, whether I should please my parents, or my siblings, or myself. Instead of choosing one clear path, I tried to split myself into three, change myself for every one of them so they would all be happy at the end of the day."
"And how did that end up for you?"
"Maybe they were happy, for a time. But it all imploded. And when it did, it blew in my face."
"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "How did you manage to change it?'
"I didn't. I'm still doing it, bending to everyone's whims but my own. And trust me, curiouscat, it's fucking exhausting."
"I can imagine," her voice lost some of its previous high pitch, the tone warmer, softer. If he closed his eyes, he could even feel a slight sweet taste. "I can see the road they want me to take—I can see it clearly even though I have no idea what awaits me there. All I know is that I won't be…me. And I happen to like myself as I am, thank you very much."
Raf chuckled. There it was, the usual curiouscat he knew.
"You must be the only one," he muttered under his breath, but it was a light teasing, and she didn't take it to heart either.
"So what? At leastIlike myself. How many people are there that can't even stand to look at themselves in the mirror? I am quite aware of my qualities and flaws, and I would say I have more qualitiesthanflaws."
