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Whenever he forced his stammer, he also had to slow his words so he wouldn't butcher his routine. It was all practice, and speed never helped.
"I can see that," he laughed as he pointed to his notebook filled with scribbles. It was mostly battle strategies for his upcoming game, but Steve probably thought he was the type to write down every single word the professor uttered.
And in a lifetime ago, maybe he'd been.
Now, it wasn't expected of him, just as it wasn't expected of him to be the best.
Due to his learning disabilities, he had extra time for assignments and during exams, everyone babying him in their own way.
He'd stopped minding it a long time ago, yet he could never shake the way some still regarded him with pity, as if people who had a harder time learning weren't people at all.
But that had been the main lesson he'd learned throughout the years. People didn't show you their true faces when you were strong. They did it when you were weak. Oh, and how they delighted in doing it.
Armed with that knowledge, he'd avoided making any friendships at college, havingsomeacquaintances, but mostly keeping to himself unless it was strictly necessary to team up with someone for a class.
Class started and Steve didn't bother him further, which pleased Raf. The less people he talked to, the less he had to pretend.
Yet when the clock struck sharp and the professor ended the lesson, Steve turned to him once more.
"There's a party tonight at my frat, why don't you come, too? It's gonna be fun."
Raf blinked, taken completely unaware.
He'd been invited to parties before, mostly in his freshman year. And though he'd had some intrinsic curiosity about them since he'd only seen college parties in movies, he'd had to refuse every invite. He was still living at home back then, and Cosima would never allow him to attend anything as scandalous or that could put him in danger.
“I-I’ll think a-about it," he said before he could help himself.
Steve grinned and patted him on the back before he left, leaving with Raf the instructions to get to the party if he decided to come.
Raf didn't know why he hadn't refused it. What would he be doing at a party other than embarrass himself? Maybe if he were anyone other than himself… But he could never afford to slip out of character. Should anyone find out, it would be the end of everything as he knew it.
His thoughts soured for the rest of the day, mostly because deep down, hewascurious about the party. He wanted to be a normal teenager for once, go out and have fun. He wanted…what he couldn't have.
* * *
He spentthe first hour in his dorm room staring at the walls and debating what he should do. He clearly knew the answer—he shouldnotgo. Yet he still warred with himself because of that deep rooted desire to be normal, or as normal as he could for one night.
Though it was not the time to meet his friends in the game, he logged on.
They had a schedule that they all abided by, especially since they'd agreed on no personal details. Yet now more than ever Raf felt the need to talk to someone, to…
And there it was.
Curiouscat26 was online.
He thought about it once. Twice. The third time he just pressed her icon, opening her chat.
"What are you up to, Blue?" her suspicious tone rang out in his headset.
"I didn't realize you had no life, too,Curiouscat," he shot back.
She grumbled something.
"At leastyouadmit you don't have one either.”
"Well, as a matter of fact I'm about to have one. I was invited to a party," he retorted smugly.
"A party for clowns? Ha, ha, good try. It doesn't count."
