Page 171 of The Sins of Noelle


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“We’re not discussing that now. We have something more important to do,” I say as I nod to the small clearing right up ahead where a deer trots towards the river.

Her eyes widen before a quiet determination washes over her as she assumes her stance.

I might have promised to hear her out, but God is it hard to put aside all my hard feelings and keep an open mind. Especially since I know what little snippets I do remember, and they don’t paint her in a good light at all.

Not for the first time, I find myself assailed by doubts again, wondering whether I’m doing the right thing by giving her a chance to explain herself.

Maybe it’s just the situation that we find ourselves in that makes me question everything and wish there were some other explanation for what happened at the hacienda. Certainly, facing death right in the face might have messed a little with my senses.

Still, despite my willingness to keep an open mind, my heart remains the most bruised part of my body—and it has nothing to do with the accident.

There’s only the ever-remaining dilemma: I love her, but I don’t fucking know how to forgive her.

And that’s the crux of the issue.

My feelings for her have never been in question. I loved her then; I love her now.

But is love enough?

I stare at her as she focuses on her prey, aligning the weapon perfectly before slowly pulling the trigger. It’s methodical and calculated—speaking of years of experience with a weapon.

And that reminds me exactly why I’m wary about this.

Yes, the Noelle I fell for might exist only for me, but there’s still the other Noelle—the scary, immoral one willing to do anything to achieve her goals.

I might love the former, but can I love the latter too?

Can I loveallparts of her even when our moral codes don’t align?

In a way, I must confess that I’m afraid to hear what she’s going to tell me because I know it’s going to change my perception of her forever. And once we open that Pandora box, everything will change.

At the end of the day, what scares me the most is notwhatI will find out, but how I will feel about her afterwards.

Her shot is clean, her aim perfect.

The deer drops to the ground, and we go to her side.

I remove my knife as I make the initial incisions, cutting purposefully so we can get to the best part of the meat.

Since there’s quite a bit of walking distance, we shouldn’t take the entire carcass with us—just what we can eat today and tomorrow. Any more could attract another apex predator, and the last thing we need is to compete with a vicious animal in our conditions.

“This should be enough for now,” I say once I’ve cut plenty of stripes.

Noelle nods, taking them to the river to wash them before returning to me.

“Here,” I say, taking my shirt off and wrapping the meat in it. “Let’s go back and see about a shelter. Nightfall is going to be upon us soon.”

We walk slowly back to the crash site, and we make our camp just a little further than all the debris.

After we manage to light a fire, I let Noelle deal with the meat while I head back to gather materials and see what we might use.

There aren’t a lot of salvageable items, but I’m able to build ourselves a little shelter with a few pieces of metal. I use the material from the parachute as a roof, securing it around two trees. It’s not the easiest to do in my condition, and every little twist of my torso makes my pain flare up.

Being quite familiar with broken ribs, I’m aware it’s going to take a long time before I’ll feel like myself again—certainly long after we’re out of this goddamn place.

With a little luck, I manage to find some remains of our suitcase, and though nothing is intact, a few tattered pieces of fabric should help keep us warmer for the night.

“How is it going?” I ask as I take a seat next to Noelle.

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