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I jump off him and run toward the house, my nightgown gathered in front of me in a fist. The grass has gotten wetter than when I first came outside, and in my haste, it behaves like ice, and I wipe out, landing flat on my chest, my hands in front to soften the fall. They don’t help.
I catch my breath and scramble to continue my escape, a little more carefully this time, until I reach the house. Praying I can slip up the stairs to my room without attracting any attention, Vadik and Kir, having a drink in the library, see me first. I’m a sight in my wild state. There will be questions.
“Hey. What’s going on out there?” Vadik asks.
I approach the doorway and look down at myself. I’ve got dirt on my feet and hands and wet grass stains covering the front of my nightie, making it more sheer than it already is.
“Come in here,” Kir says, gesturing with his head. “What the hell is going on?”
I open my mouth to speak a couple times before I have any words. “I… we… I was just outside. I, um, slipped.” I take a seat at the very end of the crackly leather sofa, closest to the door.
Just in case I need to bolt.
Kir tilts his head like he’s not sure he believes me. “And… why are you out of breath? Were you running?”
I nod.
They wait for me to say more.
Shit.
“Yeah. Yes. I was running.”
Vadik frowns at me. “Running from what?”
“Well, I was… with Niko. And then I ran away.”
I do not want to talk about this. I do not.
The brothers look at each other. “And why would you run away from Niko?” Kir asks.
The panic that caused me to run in the first place is thrumming in my chest again, threatening to take away my breath, or make me cry, or both, and all I want is to escape this feeling but the fucking thing follows me around like a possessed demon more often than not these days.
Maybe I’m the one who’s possessed. Maybe I’m the demon.
“He told me he loved me,” I say in a barely decipherable voice, staring at my dirty, twisting fingers.
“Okay,” Kir says. “Is that a bad thing?”
I don’t answer. I can’t. Because I don’t know.
I finally look at the guys and I see it, that what I was running from is also right here in this room, as if it followed me. I don’t want it, I don’t need it. I won’t have it.
Fuck all.
Vadik sets his drink aside and leans forward in his chair.
I hold my breath because I’m pretty sure I know what’s coming.
“Can you… love Niko? Can you loveus?” he asks quietly.
Bam.
Words I never thought I’d hear come out of Vadik’s mouth. The vulnerability makes me want to run to him, to comfort him, and to protect him. On one hand, I am honored… and yet I also feel like a caged animal.
Desperate for escape.
“I… well…” I sputter.
