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“I’m not a magician and no fucking hero. I just did my job.” I did what I always do, knowing that it works most of the time, but it’s the times it doesn’t work that I can’t seem to forget.
“Either way, man, Banger is back,” Shades says, grinning. “A little banged up, but he’ll be fine. Better when we get Willow back.”
Willow. Another person I’m failing because I can’t keep my dick in my pants when Maggie is around.
She told me what she needed to help us find Willow, and all I could think about was fucking her. I need to tell the guys her conditions for helping us, but I feel like I can’t, and I know why.
I’m not ready to give her up yet.
But is that the right thing to do? Am I that confused about my priorities?
Maggie deserves better than a man who isn’t in complete control of his mind. Hell, my MC deserves more than that, too. The dreams and panic attacks are coming more frequently than anyone knows, which makes me an even bigger asshole because there’s too much going on for me to sit on the bench.
The Bloodthirsty Devils are a growing threat, and I need to be able to fight them. With my MC. With all my faculties.
I stand abruptly. “I need to get the fuck out of here.”
Dix jokes, “Struck out again, brother?” and playfully smacks my arm.
“No,” I grunt and finish my drink before I say something I’ll regret. “See you guys later.”
I need solitude before my next panic attack spills all my secrets in front of the people I consider family.
“You all right to drive?” Lucky chimes in. “I can follow you.”
“Nah, man. I’m good,” I say, not even turning to look back.
Once outside, the full moon hangs heavy in the sky, almost like it’s watching me, judging me. Everything feels surreal right now and too damn quiet.
Each step I take away from the clubhouse loosens the knot in my stomach. When I reach my bike, I toss my leg over the seat and let the roar of the engine blot out everything in my head.
On the bike, eating up the road, my hands don’t shake, the flashes of memory don’t interrupt my ability to function.
Out here, nothing matters but the next stretch of road.
The thrill runs out as I rev into the parking lot of my swanky high-rise condo with a killer view of the pier. Snagged this place right after I joined the Reckless Souls, just before Mom and Dad kicked me to the curb for opting out of becoming a world-famous surgeon and instead becoming afilthybiker.
Funny, really. Their glitzy world was a no-go for me, especially with PTSD breathing down my neck. So I flipped the bird to their expectations, and they axed my trust fund. And you know what? Best bad decision I ever made.
Good fucking riddance.
I plan to do better with my kids when the time comes. First, I have to find a good woman who loves me, a woman who wants to be a good mother and a good partner, not just someone who wants to climb the ladder because she married a doctor and accumulate shit.Maggie might be that woman.
Maggie. That girl’s had such a rough life and she deserves better than what I can offer. Right now, I can fuck her senseless and take care of her financially, but can I give her the love she deserves?
Minutes later, standing under the hot spray of the shower, I wonder what Maggie’s dream man looks like. It’s not Demon, but that doesn’t mean it’s me, either.
“Dammit.” Guilt swamps me for the way I took her, so rough and hard in the truck, using her like she was my own personal fuck toy.She enjoyed it, the dirty prick in my head reminds me.
Yes, she did enjoy it. She came twice before riding out several minutes of aftershocks. Then again, fucking has never been my problem. As a biker and a doctor, getting women has never been my issue. I can snap my fingers, and women just come running, but that no longer holds any appeal.
The things I want in life are out of my reach until I do something about these episodes or get to the bottom of what’s causing them. Banger is better, and they should be fading, not increasing.
First, fix my mind, and then maybe I can think about making Maggie mine for real.
But that means I have to delay her plans to leave. I need to get her to stay and help us with Willow’s rescue. But how?
Two tours in the fucking Army with more medals than I can wear on my uniform, and now I’m stuck trying to figure out how to win the affections of a petite former gangbanger with a huge chip on her shoulder.
