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But she couldn’t tell them that. Couldn’t admit to them what she really wanted. She liked and respected these men. More than that, they respected her. If she admitted what she wanted, she would lose that.
“What are you thinking about, Sylvia?”
She turned to Lancelot, afraid of what she might say to Hugo. It was silly, since she hadn’t seen him in years, but she was slightly more comfortable with the Frenchman, which meant she was more likely to blurt out something she shouldn’t if she kept looking at him.
Lancelot was also taller, so she focused on his chin, speaking to it rather than meeting his gaze. “I’m thinking that I like both of you, and you’re nice guys, and…”
And nice guys would be alarmed—or worse, insulted—if she asked them to play out her fantasy. It’s what had always stopped her in the past. The kind of man she liked to spend time with—thoughtful, intelligent, gentlemanly—was also the kind of man who would recoil at using and abusing her the way she secretly craved.
Lancelot placed a single finger under her chin, forced her face up. “I’m good at reading people. I can tell when a bloke is about to throw a punch. And I can tell when a woman is aroused.”
“I was aroused last night,” she pointed out. Her voice was a bit higher than it had been, breathier.
“And you’re aroused right now. Why?”
“You’re both very attractive,” she squeaked. The urge to say it, to just blurt out what she wanted was so strong she had to swallow, as if that could force back the words. “And also standing very close to me.”
Hugo crowded against her back. “Ah, I think I understand.” His hand slid up into her hair, cradling the back of her head.
“But you have to say it,” Lancelot told her. “You have to tell us what you want.”
“I…don’t want to.”
Hugo’s hand closed into a fist in her hair. Her scalp prickled with a delicious mild pain. She couldn’t stop the moan. Hugo tugged her head back, just enough so that she couldn’t avoid Lancelot’s gaze.
“Maybe I’ll make it easy on you.” Lancelot traced the line of her throat with the back of his index finger. “Should I guess?”
“Please,” she whispered.
“I think you want a man to take charge,” Lancelot said. “You want to submit.”
“That’s…part of it,” she breathed.
Lancelot frowned, then glanced from her to Hugo. Something passed between them.
Hugo tugged on her hair, forcing her head back even more. “If that was all you wanted, you could have found that,” he said. “You told us you’d been to a sex club. You could have found a partner to dominate you.”
Hugo slid his lips up the side of her neck to her ear. She expected him to whisper something. Something insightful, something reassuring maybe.
Instead, he bit her earlobe.
The flare of pain made her jump. She’d forgotten that he was holding her hair, and when she moved, her scalp burned with a tingle of pain.
“It’s not about the controlled power exchange,” Lancelot said. “It’s about being overpowered.” His words hovered on that line between question and statement.
Hugo jerked on her hair. “Answer him.”
That rough demand, the feeling of being trapped between them…that was what it took to break down her walls, to free the chains of silence she’d wrapped around those more secret desires.
“Yes,” she gasped. “Yes! I want it to be rough and hot. I want to feel taken.” That was enough, she should stop there. But she felt intoxicated, not by a substance, but by them. Her inhibitions were muted, as was her sense of both emotional and physical self-preservation. She spoke, and it was the unvarnished truth. “I want to be forced. I want to be used.”
The words felt so wrong, so counter to everything she knew to be safe and right. Maybe that was why she wanted these things. Because they were wrong, because they were dangerous.
“That’s what you expected from a ménage?” Lancelot asked. “Or from us?”
Something about the way he said it sent a tendril of shame lancing through her. “I’m not trying to insult you. I’m sorry. Forget I said anything. It was stupid.” Neither man moved. “Stop, please.”
Those were the magic words. Immediately, Hugo released her hair, and they both took a step back, giving her space.
