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Hannah was well acquainted with Braxton Hicks contractions. This felt different, more intense. She set the stopwatch on her wrist. There was no need to panic, she tried telling herself.
A deep ache set in her lower back, a band of pressure forming in her abdomen. Theoretically, she was well-prepared. Emotionally, she started feeling out of control on the side of the road.
Hannah pulled out her phone and called an ambulance.
* * *
Now lying in a private room, Hannah was trying her best to keep herself together. Not to cry over losing the man who meant everything to her. She loved him so much she could barely breathe, but she wanted to be strong. Not just for herself but for her baby too. A baby that she loved fiercely. She clutched the covers, not knowing if she should call Matt. Could she? She wasn’t sure. They weren’t together. He would need to be there when the baby was born but not to hold her hand. She would just have to get through this on her own.
Through the tears, she was grateful to him for something at least. Holding the pendant in her fist, Hannah was determined to show her baby how to be brave in this cold world. He would be proud to call her his mother.
She lay in the bed gripped by fear, hoping that this panicked feeling might distract her from the way she was crumbling on the inside. Then she hit another contraction and figured that, nope, she was fully capable of crumbling and being torn apart at the same time.
* * *
Matt had only just folded himself back into his car after his quick pit stop when he received a call from the hospital saying Hannah was in labour.
Never in his life had he ever driven so fast through the streets of London. He couldn’t bring himself to care about the blaring horns and yelled curses he left in his wake. Hannah needed him. Whether she wanted him there would be another issue entirely but, if everything went his way, maybe she would allow him back into her life.
The car screeched to a stop and, once inside, he ran the maze that was the hospital wards until he found Hannah in a private room. A blood pressure cuff was on her arm and a sheen of sweat on her forehead.
He’d made it.
‘Matt?’
‘I’m here.’ He took a seat beside her bed, taking her hand. ‘I was so worried I wouldn’t make it in time.’
‘I didn’t know if I should call you.’
‘Oh, sweetheart, there’s never a time when you can’t.’ He kissed her forehead, seeing tears well up in her eyes. It took all of a moment for her posture to become rigid. Her chin to set.
‘You don’t have to be here for all of this. They will call you in when he’s born.’
Panic flared when he saw how badly he had messed up. ‘Please don’t throw me out. I want to be here with you.’
‘After this morning...’ She swallowed thickly.
‘You were right. I was holding back, Hannah. I’m an idiot because it took you walking away to realise I don’t want to. I swear, I’m usually smarter.’ Hannah was unmoved and Matt sighed. ‘You were right about everything, you know. I thought I could be the man my father wanted, but I don’t want to be him. I never did. I want to be better. I wanted to be a provider like he was, but I don’t want our son to have the miserable childhood I did. I’ve been worried that I would do the same. And I feel so disloyal for thinking it. Today Sarah told me she hated our parents and I thought, if our child ever thought that of me, it would kill me.’
‘They won’t ever hate you.’
‘No, because I will be there for them. I will love them and create memories with them and you.’
‘Me?’ She looked at him dubiously. ‘You can’t want that purely on your terms. It doesn’t work that way.’
‘I know that, Hannah. You’ve given me everything I’ve ever wanted but never dared dream of. I couldn’t let myself, not when I was determined never to put anyone in my mother’s situation.’
Matt felt a tear run down his cheek. What was wrong with him? He’d never cried this much in his life! ‘And I was conflicted. Wanting this with you but still wanting to live up to my father’s expectations. He told me I would never be good enough if I didn’t change.’
Hannah brushed away the wetness with a whispered, ‘Matt.’
‘I went about all of this wrong. When you said marrying you was about more than the baby it was true. I want you. I’ve wanted only you from the start. That’s why I couldn’t bear the touch of anyone else.’
‘Why?’ Then Hannah gripped his hands so tightly, he was surprised none of his fingers broke. He rubbed her back as she breathed through the pain, settling back once it passed.
‘We can talk about this later.’
‘No. Now.’
