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‘Don’t you see? You were honest with her in Melbourne because that’s what you wanted. You were entirely yourself with her because there was no other way you could be.’
Sarah was right. He knew she was.
‘You know what your problem is? You’re so busy trying to be perfect. The perfect brother, perfect son, perfect friend, perfect boss. Our parents are gone, Bear. You don’t have to be that any more. You’re trying to live up to the impossible demands of an imperfect father.’
‘Sarah...’ He pulled his hands out of hers, rubbing his face.
‘Matt, don’t you get it?’ Sarah never called him ‘Matt’, not unless she was well and truly frustrated with him, and he smiled a little. ‘Our father was more demanding than he had any right to be. What he asked of you was wrong. Being emotionless doesn’t make you a man, it makes you a bad parent.’
‘We turned out okay.’
‘Did we? I only felt truly loved when I was around you. Did you ever feel that way?’
Matt didn’t answer.
‘And now you’re trying to fight that, be someone you’re not, and all it’s done is make you lose Hannah. You need someone who will challenge you, Bear, and she needs someone to show her it’s okay to trust someone with her heart. Would you ever treat your child like our father treated us?’
‘Never!’
‘Then be open with her because that’s exactly what you’re doing now.’ Sarah shook her head, her voice dipping to hushed tones as she said, ‘I hate our parents so much for what they asked of you. I hate that Dad wanted you to be an emotionless robot like him. You’ve never been that. You love so openly, it makes us want to do anything for you.’
‘Us?’
‘Me, Alex, Hannah.’
Matt shook his head. He had avoided thinking of his friend. While the sting of the betrayal had dulled, it was still there. He had always thought they were honest with each other, would have each other’s backs. That was what brothers did—they would do anything for each other, including protecting the people that were important to them. Matt cursed.
He finally understood. Alex hadn’t told him Hannah’s secret. She’d asked for trust and Alex hadn’t betrayed it. Not even for his best friend. Alex had protected Hannah—even though she wasn’t his to protect—for Matt.
‘You can’t say you don’t understand love when you practically raised me, tried to make sure Mum was happy. You do know what love is. Always have, despite our parents. You understood what she and Dad had wasn’t good. Why else would you be afraid of doing that to someone else?’
‘But I did the same, didn’t I?’ Matt covered his eyes with a large hand, shame curling in his belly. ‘I did exactly what he did to Mum.’
‘You can fix this. It’s not too late. She loves you.’
Matt threw his head back, wetness in his eyes. He knew she did. He tried to ignore it, but he knew it, and he’d still let her slip away.
‘Bear...’ Sarah sounded choked by her own tears, but he couldn’t look to confirm. ‘You love her too. You wouldn’t be in this much pain if you didn’t.’
She was completely right. That night he had gone to the bar with Hannah, seeing her hide her real self had bothered him so much, but it had also felt incredible to know she was genuinely herself when she was with him. As if he was special. Thinking back, that was the night he’d known he loved her. Which meant that, even though he’d been telling himself that his baby had been conceived out of lust, in an uncontrolled moment, he’d actually been conceived out of love. He’d been so desperate to show Hannah his heart that night. Because he was in love with her!
God, he was an idiot!
‘I have to get her back,’ he said, suddenly jumping to his feet.
‘Then what are you waiting for?’ Sarah gave him a watery smile. Matt hugged her, kissing her on the cheek.
‘I love you, Shrimp.’
‘I love you too, Bear. Go!’
Matt had to find Hannah.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
THE MOMENT SHE was out of Matt’s building, Hannah sent Emma a message, telling her she had left Matt’s and intended to check back into the hotel she had previously stayed at, but she didn’t get the chance to. Hannah felt an almighty pain, like a cramp except ten times worse.
‘No. No, no, no. This can’t be happening today...’ She clamped an arm around her stomach, the muscles hardening. Breathing through her mouth, Hannah tried to keep calm until it passed.
