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“If the two of you are implying that what happened to you will happen to me—” I give them a flat stare. “Disabuse yourselves of that notion.”
“It’s funny,” Finn muses, staring at his whiskey as he rolls the ice against the glass. “We always think we’re too busy for love. Too hardened against it.”
“Then love comes and fucking batters you over the head with a sledgehammer.” Nolan mimes smashing something. “Then boom, you’re married, you got kids—”
“I’m not interested in children,” I say, barely managing my temper.
Again, my brothers share a look. “Kids are great,” Nolan says.
“Helps when you have money and unlimited nannies,” Finn adds. He has two: a four-year-old girl named Chloe and a two-year-old boy named Patrick.
Nolan has only one, a little boy named Cillian, though I hear there’s talk of him expanding his little brood.
The idea of reproducing isn’t repulsive in itself. I understand how important making children is to growing the Crowley organization and cementing our control over the East Coast underworld for generations to come. Only, the thought of myself as a father is terrifying.
I’m not an emotional man. I know my reputation—hardened Liam, strange Liam. They think I’m a robot running around following my programming to further the interests of the family above everything else. I do things my way, but I never get attached, not to friends or to women.
Children could change that.
No, I’m not so naive; I know children would change that.
I’d love my kids, whether I wanted to or not.
And that’s a risk I don’t want to take.
Though the more I watch Alisa laughing with Dara and Keely, the more I’m impressed by her. I keep thinking about our night together, about that sweaty, beautiful sex we had, fucking like we’d never fucked before, grinding and moaning, getting her off over and over, leaving her sore and wanting more in the morning. That was more than business. I can’t pretend as though getting her off does anything but complication our arrangement.
And yet I’m already thinking about doing it again.
“Look, Liam, we believe you when you say this thing with Alisa is purely business. Obviously, we both understand how marriages and business can align in our world.” Nolan clears his throat, leaning closer. “But I’ve known you my whole life, and I’ve never seen you look at a woman the way you look at her.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “And how’s that?”
“Like you actually give a shit about another human behind for the first time in your life.” He lets out a startled laugh. “My god, it’s unthinkable. Liam Crowley, caring about a person.”
“The girl’s worthwhile, that’s all.” I grind my jaw, glaring at my brothers. If my mother hadn’t all but forced this little social outing down my throat, there’s no way I’d be putting up with this garbage right now. I have plans to make, contacts to tap, soldiers to gather. I don’t need to hear my brothers talk about emotions as if their pathetic love means anything.
Except I look over my shoulder again, and this time Alisa’s looking back. She tilts her head, her thick hair falling over one shoulder, and she smiles at me.
It’s simple, a nothing gesture. She probably doesn’t even realize she’s doing it.
But it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
She sparkles. She somehow glows like the room was built with her as its lighting. Everything around me fades, and there’s only Alisa, her white teeth, her startling eyes, and that laugh of hers.
Everything about her, drawing me in closer.
“Come on, let’s rejoin the girls before they start talking too much shit,” Finn says with a groan as he gets up from his stool. “If you’re not careful, Keely and Dara are going to scare Alisa away.”
“Nothing is going to scare that girl,” I say. “She’s got too much invested in what we do next.”
Finn’s jovial smile fades away and I sit back down in my chair beside Alisa. The girls keep on chatting away about family politics, about all the different captains and lieutenants, while Alisa mostly smiles and nods politely. Keely drives the conversation while Dara adds the color. Finn and Nolan both get involved, adding their own opinions to the mix, while I stay silent.
I can’t keep my eyes off Alisa. I wish it weren’t like this, but I can’t help myself. Finn’s already noticed, and the others will soon enough. Not that it matters—finding my wife attractive should be a good thing.
But I know it’s only a problem if what we have really is only for the short-term.
All the others, they understand that my marriage to Alisa came about for expediency reasons. It’s an arrangement, nothing more. But I haven’t told anyone that Alisa plans on divorcing me the moment our fight against Rustik is over and she gets her revenge. For all my family knows, we’re in this for the long haul, even if there’s no love between us. It wouldn’t be the first Crowley marriage like that, and it won’t be the last.
