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The wail of a distant siren wakes her up and she unravels our lips, panting heavily. She won’t look at me, so I tilt her chin up with a finger.
“Jax, we—” Her eyes burrow into mine.
“We should do that again? Damn, Lex, one kiss and you’re already begging for more?”
She laughs, captivating me all over again. I massage her scalp and she arches into my touch. Her giggle fades away and we’re wrapped in our silence again. She releases a harsh sigh between her heart-shaped lips and says, “I had a really nice time, but—I don’t think we should do this again.”
She isn’t wrong. Nothing good could ever come from us taking this further. She deserves more than someone who leaves her after he’s through taking her body. And that’s what I’ll do, that’s what I always do. And worse, what if what’s supposed to be one time leads to something deeper? I won’t leave my demons at her feet.
Reluctantly, I let go of her completely and she backs away from the car. “I’ll take you home, beautiful.” She nods as I open the door for her, then follow to the opposite side and get in.
She stares out the window as we drive, clearly lost in thought, and I get that more than anyone. It’s been so long since I felt something for a woman, something more than just a need for sex. She’s deep passion and unexplained chemistry, all the things my heart’s been missing for so long.
The muscle in my bicep twitches as I make a sharp right, almost reaching her apartment complex. Once there, I double park in front and rotate in my seat, facing her. She looks uneasy, a pained expression in her golden eyes. “You’re right, Lex, we’re not a good idea. We never will be, but I wish we were.”
I tuck her hand into mine. “Let me walk you up.”
She nods, taking her hand back, exiting the car while I follow. With every step we take, I feel her slipping further away and the thought of never seeing her again chips away at me.
She leads the way up the steps to her building, pausing with the door handle in her grip. I stand behind her, slowly inhaling the hint of her shampoo, the floral scent that calmed me only a couple of hours ago is about to disappear for good.
I lower my mouth, feathering my breath against her neck.
She whimpers.
My inhales hasten. “I miss you already,” I say, giving her my truth, something I haven’t done in so many years it should feel foreign, but with her it’s anything but.
Her breath hitches and her shoulders fly up and down in rapid successions to the thud of my heart. She slowly turns around, a hint of tears brimming in her eyes.
Every time our gazes meet, there’s an undeniable pull, an attraction neither of us can deny, and maybe that’s what scares her, because hell, it scares me too.
“Don’t say things like that to me, Jax,” she whispers.
The pad of my thumb brushes against her pouty lips. “I don’t want to lie. If I can’t see you anymore at least you’ll have those words to remember me by.”
She stares deep into my eyes and places her hand against mine, the one still on her lips. I wrap the rest of my fingers around it and hold it tightly within my grasp.
“We can still text,” she says almost silently, her eyes holding mine steady.
“As if I’d ever stop.” I snake my other hand up her back, taking my time, exploring what I can get. She parts her lips and I slip my finger inside her mouth. She sucks on it as I look down at her and she looks up at me through hooded eyes. Jaw clenching, the need to kiss her again, to taste her mouth is strong. My lips hover above hers. It’d be so easy to replace my finger with my tongue, but instead I leave a kiss on her forehead. “Be good, beautiful.”
I untangle us from the heat of each other’s body and walk back to my car, feeling more alone than I’ve been before. This is harder than it should be, and I don’t know why.
For a moment, she was a flicker of light in the hellish darkness of my mind, and now it’s gone.
CHAPTER3
JAX
TWO WEEKS LATER
I stiffenmy grasp on the steering wheel, clenching it tightly enough for a sharp pain to shoot up my fingers, making my bones feel ready to crack. My car speeds down the busy NYC street, rushing back to the hospital where Lexi sits alone, unaware that I’m coming back—for her.
She and I haven’t hung out since the one and only night we went out. She stuck to her word and wouldn’t see me again, but we still texted daily. Talking to her brings me unexplained peace, and I need that so badly in my messed up shit of a life.
The first time I’d laid eyes on her in two weeks, had been earlier today in the hospital as we waited for a status update on her best friend, Lilah.
After Lilah’s doctor informed us of her injuries, I held Lexi on the bench outside as she cried against my chest. The sound of her tears fucking hurt, and in that moment all I wanted to do was find her pain and damn it to hell.
