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“That’s a beautiful portrait of you all. I don’t remember you mentioning a third brother,” I remark to Jax, assuming that’s in fact his brother. “Afraid I’ll like him more than you?” The color drains from his face. His mother looks up at the ceiling and closes her eyes before looking back at me with a mournful smile.
My throat goes desert dry and heat warms my cheeks. “I’m sorry. I clearly said something I shouldn’t have.”
“No, sweetheart, you didn’t. That's my youngest boy, Jace. He passed away a few years ago.” I breathe against the heaviness encroaching upon my chest. Tears prickle my eyes, but I do my best not to let them fall. This is so heartbreaking. He looks to be in his early twenties.What happened to him?
“I’m so, so sorry.” I reach over and hug her. Maybe I overstepped but I couldn’t help it. No mother should ever lose her child.
She hugs me back tightly and pats my back. “Thank you. I try to keep his memory alive throughout our home.”
“Ma, I’m gonna go say hi to Pop and the boys.” His mom and I separate, both of us looking over to him. His eyes no longer hold anything but utter despair.Why the hell did I open my big mouth?“You can bring Lexi out back when you two are done, okay?” He quickly vanishes without waiting for a response.
Once he’s out of earshot, she asks, “He never mentioned Jace I take it?”
“No, never.”
“I’m not surprised. Those two were so close. Even though Jace was the baby and Jax was the oldest they spent so much time together. Jace really admired him and wanted to be just like Jax in every way. And in the end, I guess that’s what killed him. Jax has never forgiven himself for that.”
“I don’t understand.”
She sighs, pulling up a chair and sitting down. “Six years ago, when Jace was only eighteen, he joined the Army to follow in Jax’s footsteps. They were similar that way and pushing papers or running the family business was never for them. Two years later, during one of his missions, he was killed. Jax held him as he died in his arms. That’s all Jax will ever say about that night. I guess he wanted us to know Jace wasn’t alone in his final moments.”
“Oh my God.” I choke on a heavy sob as tears burst from my eyes. Wiping them away is no use, they just keep on flowing. I hurt for Jax and for everyone in his family. I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost either one of my sisters. And for him to believe this is somehow his fault? Oh, the guilt he must still live with. Now his nightmares make so much sense.
“I know.” Her voice shatters as she tries to hold it together unsuccessfully. “I miss my baby every single day. But I’ve never blamed Jax, ever. That poor boy is suffering, I can see it whenever he comes by, which isn’t all that often since Jace passed. I wish he’d talk to someone, but he refuses. I’ve tried.” She pats her cheeks with her fingers, wiping away the evidence of the pain she still carries. I want to tell her about his nightmares, but even though I feel she should know, it’s not my place to break Jax’s trust.
“May I use your bathroom to clean my face?” I sniffle, needing an escape to control my emotions.
“Of course. Let me show you the way.” We walk out of the dining room and into a pristine all white kitchen. “Go straight down the hallway and it’s the last door on your left.”
“Thank you.” I leave her and make my way there. As I pass through the hall, I find the walls covered in frame after frame of her kids and of her wedding day. She’s stunning in her sweetheart lace ball gown. I stop to admire more photos. There’s one of Jax behind the wheel of a red sports car with Jace next to him. They’re both smiling and look so happy. My throat aches again and I know the tears are coming. I quickly rush into the huge bathroom, big enough to be a one bedroom apartment in NYC. I ignore the Jacuzzi tub begging me to jump in, and head for one of the double sinks.
“Oh, crap.” I stare at my mascara smeared eyes, picking up a tissue from the box on the sink. Wetting it a bit, I wipe away the streaks, then toss the tissue into the trashcan.
Releasing a breath, I turn the knob, ready to head out to the party, but as soon as the door opens, something I see halts me in place.
Jax. He stands looking down at me, brows pulled together, a mixture of sadness and vulnerability. My lungs contract, begging for air. I just want to hold him and tell him I’ll always be here. Even at his most broken, he makes my heart beat harder in my chest. I don’t know how long I could go on bottling up my feelings for him, when they only keep getting stronger.
He runs a hand across his face and inhales deeply. “I’m sorry I left earlier. I ah—”
“Don’t apologize. I get it.” He moves in closer, his hands reaching out and landing on my waist. He walks forward, compelling me to move back into the restroom, and locks the door.
His breaths get heavy, jaw flexing as he stares into me as though he wants to say so much. Instead, his fingers cruise up my arms until he’s clutching my hair on each side of my head.
I lick my lips, my breaths matching his. He pulls me in close, his mouth brushing against mine. I close my eyes, needing his lips, wanting him to show me that deep down he feels what I feel when we’re together. But instead of my mouth, he kisses my forehead, robbing me of every ounce of breath.
I enclose my arms around his back, nuzzling my face into his solid chest. “So engaged, huh?” I ask, hoping to make him forget about the loss of his brother.
He laughs. “You still mad at me about that?”
“Not when you’re holding me like this.” I inhale his fresh scent entangled with the smell of masculine cologne. “But you could’ve warned me.”
“If I warned you, you’d never agree to come.”
“Well, of course not,” I whisper-shout. “I’m clearly saner than you are.”
“That’s not really saying much, wise ass.” There’s a hint of a smile in his voice.
“I don’t like the idea of lying.”
