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I make it to her building and get out of the car. Every step I take feels like dead weight, but I keep going until I reach inside and ring her apartment.
“Come on up!” Fuck, she sounds so happy and I’m about to take that away. I step into the elevator, rubbing my temples to relieve the hammer like pounding in my head.
Maybe I overestimated her feelings for me, maybe Damian doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about. I could mean absolutely nothing to her, so ending things may be easier for her than me. I fucking hope so.
The elevator doors open.
It’s time.
I inhale a long, staggered breath and make my way to misery.
I prepare to knock on her door, but she opens it before I even get a chance.Holy hell, she looks gorgeous. How am I going to do this?Her baby blue silk robe drifts up her upper thighs, and her blond waves appear as though she just fixed them up, flowing around her shoulders.
Her delicate smile, that gleam in her eyes, tug at my soul. I don’t want to be the one to extinguish it. I don’t want to be there when her light goes out. It’ll kill me.
She comes closer, the heat of her body warms mine while I stand there soaking her in like the sun.
Lifting up on her toes, she places a kiss on my lips and everything stops—my brain, my heart, my words, they all cease to exist at the feel of her mouth on mine. This could be the very last time I feel her lips, the last time I feel her wanting me, so I seize the moment before it all goes to hell.
My hand lands on her hip while the other skims up the back of her robe. Reaching the smooth strands of her hair, my fingers rake and twist, wanting to be closer. Her mouth opens into a quiet moan and I deepen our kiss while walking into her apartment together, door locked behind us.
She slips her tongue inside my mouth, snaking it up along mine. I flip her around and she lands hard against the door with a thud. Our kiss turns desperate and brutal. It aches, it bleeds, it wants—everything. Everything we can’t have.
Her hands grip my belt as she starts to unzip me.Shit. My cock twitches, wanting so badly to find home between her thighs. She feels like home in more ways than one. She could’ve been my everything, but the devil had other plans.
Her hand sneaks inside my boxers, gripping the base of my cock and squeezes tightly.Damn, this feels good. We shouldn’t.My brain short circuits from the way she touches me. I can’t think straight.
I tug her head back, breaking our kiss. “Lexi. Wait.” Desire pulses through me, but I have to hit pause. I won’t sleep with her right before breaking her heart.
She strokes me, ignoring the desperation in my voice.
I drop my head back and close my eyes, unable to control myself. “Stop, baby. We gotta talk.” I sound unsure, like I mean the opposite, but that’s because I do.
“Talking is overrated.” Her long fingernails scratch up my body and under my green T-shirt, making my cock thicker.
“We can’t—we can’t do this,” I plead.
“Why?” she asks, lifting my shirt up to my chest. “You seem to like it.” Her tongue darts out, licking a path from my chest down to my abs while she strokes my hard-on at the same time. Maybe I was wrong, maybe we could make it work between us.Fuck! Those hands.
I open my eyes and catch her watching me. She begins to lower herself to the floor, my cock still in her hand. There’s no way I could end it today if she fucks me with her mouth. This has to stop right now.
I grip her by the shoulders, gathering strength. “Get up. I can’t do this anymore. It’s not working out.”
She tilts her head to the side, narrowing her eyes.
“We’re over, Lexi.” She drops my dick like it’s a piece of lead and gradually stands up. Her lips shudder as though she wants to respond, but nothing comes out, so I continue instead. “I—I’m not cut out for this. It’s not me. I’m sorry.”
“Yes, you are! Don’t do this,” she begs with a tremble, tightening the belt of her robe. “I know you feel what’s happening between us. It’s real, just stop fighting it and let me in!”
I need to hit a fucking wall, to do something to make myself hurt on the outside the way I’m bleeding on the inside.
She places a hand on my chest, her eyes imploring for me to listen. “If this is about the nightmares, I need you to know I’m not afraid. I can handle it. And if you let me, I want to help you through them. I know you feel this too!”
If only it was so easy. Doesn’t she realize how dangerous it is to be with me? Is she that naïve to think she could save me? I’m a lost cause and the best thing she could do is forget me.
“Does it look like I need your help?” I snap back.
She bites the inside of her cheek, walking further away from me and giving me her back. I deserve to hurt for the rest of my miserable life for what I’m doing, but I need her to want nothing to do with me.
