AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“That he wants to stop a war,” I say quietly. I can’t tell Adrik the rest—that Nikolai is intentionally setting me up to bait Theo into a trap—or much more of any of it, really, but I can say that much. He’d figure it out on his own, anyway.
“So he sells you off.” Adrik’s voice is tight and angry, and I can feel that he’s on the verge of lashing out—not at me, but at something. I’m all too familiar with male anger and the forms it takes. What I can’t afford is for him to create a scene—not out here, especially.
“I have a duty to my family,” I say quietly. “This was always going to be my future. I should have known that what happened between us wasn’t going to change that—”
“No?” He presses his lips tightly together, and I see his hand flex, the muscles tight across his shoulders. It’s taking everything in him, I can see, not to let on how angry he is, to try to keep it from anyone watching. “Nothing changed when you gave me your virginity?”
“Adrik!” I look sharply towards the other guards, hoping they’re still distracted by whatever bullshit small talk Lilliana is managing still. “You’re going to get us both in trouble. You know as well as I do—”
“Leave with me.” He says it bluntly and suddenly, and I stare at him for a long moment, unsure if I’ve heard him correctly.
“Leavewith you?”
“Yes.” His hand twitches, as if he wants to reach for mine, but he stops himself. “I rescued you, Marika. I got you out of that hellhole of a compound. I kept Ivan from killing you—andNikolai. And now you want to go to Theo? I know you’ve heard the same things everyone else has—that he’s just as bad or worse. He’s the only man in this city more powerful than your brother. You think he won’t use that against you?”
“I’ve already said I would do it. You think leaving with you will make things better?” I look at him, torn between wanting to plead with him to understand and utter exasperation.
“I can protect you.” Looking at Adrik’s face, I can see that he really believes it. He really thinks that he can keep me safe from Theo fucking McNeil.
“What there is between us—” I keep my voice as hushed as I can, still trying to look as if I’m telling him something in an official capacity. “—that’s not something I know how it turns out, Adrik. I don’t have any experience with relationships, and I’ve never been with anyone else. Two months ago, I was kidnapped, brutalized, and nearly killed. I’m not in a position tochooseright now.”
“You’re choosing Theo.” He glares at me, and I can’t tell if he really doesn’t understand or if he’s being purposefully obtuse.
“I’m choosing what my family needs me to do, because that is the choice I’ve always been expected to make. I’m not saying it’s an easy decision—but it’s the one that I know I’m meant to choose. I’m doing my best with the situation there is, Adrik—I can’t throw my life away for someone I barely know. I’m sorry to be harsh, but that’s what this is right now. I don’t know you well enough to know if this is forever. And if I’m going to defy my brother—”
I sink my teeth into my lower lip, willing him to understand what I’m trying to say, but I can tell it’s only making things worse. “You’re doing that with Theo,” he snaps, still low enough that no one else can hear, but I can tell he’s on the verge of raising his voice. “You don’t knowhim, either.”
“No, but I know what my family needs from him. Adrik—” I can’t tell him all the details. Divulging my brother’s plan would be a worse betrayal than losing my innocence to a man I wasn’t supposed to touch. “I need you to trust me. There’s a reason I’m doing this. And when it’s done—when this is over—”
“There’s an over?” He looks at me, and I can tell he’s not sure if he believes me. “That’s not how these things usually go, Marika.”
“I know. I can’t tell you more.” I blow out a slow breath between my lips, trying to think of how to get him to calm down. “I want to try to figure out if there’s a future for us, Adrik. I do. I need you to be patient. When this is done—”
“Marika!” Lilliana calls my name, and I can tell she’s trying to give me an out. I’m not sure it’s good to leave this conversation unfinished, and Lilliana at least knows what it’s about, but I don’t want to give the other guards a reason to gossip.
“We’ll talk about this later,” I tell Adrik. “I need you to trust me. If you care about me, you’ll trust me.”
I can tell that he doesn’t want to let it go. I can feel it emanating off of him, the desire to keep pushing, to keep talking, to make me understand where he’s coming from—as if I don’t. As if every part of me isn’t screaming to take his face in my hands and tell him that I’m sorry, that this isn’t what I want either, that if I thought I could make a different choice right now, I would. But there are eyes on us, and I can’t be anything other than what I am—the Bratva princess I was raised to be.
“Later,” he says finally, his voice rough and low. “But Marika—we will talk about it.”
Something about the tone of his voice sends both a strange thrill and a jolt of anxiety through me all at once. But I don’t have time to think about it. He’s already striding away, every line of his body tense with an obvious anger, and Lilliana is waiting for me.
I force myself not to look at him as I walk back to her, and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do—to let him walk away like this, and not think about it. To pretend not to care, when I feel sick with anxiety over it all.
—
I don’t feel much better about the entire situation, the next night as I’m getting ready for dinner with Nikolai, Lilliana—and Theo. Despite his insistence that we would talk later, Adrik has avoided me since our unexpected conversation on the sidewalk, which worries me. I don’t like the idea that he might be stewing about how to fix this without my input—but I’m also afraid to seek him out myself and try to explain anything else. I don’t know what to say to make it better, and I’m afraid that I’ll accidentally make it all so much worse.
Can it be any worse? I ask myself as I poke through my jewelry box…but I think it can. I think there’s always a chance it could be worse.
I pick up a pair of sapphire earrings, look at them, and toss them back into the box, letting out a frustrated breath. I’m angry with all of this—being made to marry a man I don’t know and have reason to hate, and the way it’s made me feel about Adrik…dreading seeing him instead of looking forward to the next time.Don’t I deserve some kind of happiness? I think, looking in the mirror, and I quickly blink back tears before I can smudge my mascara. The last thing I want to do is have to redo it all.
I’d dressed up for tonight, because I know better than to show up to the dinner looking ill-prepared to meet Theo, but I know Nikolai would have preferred I not dress in a dark shade. I didn’t pick black—it washes me out, and I’m vain enough to not want to look like a sallow ghost—but I chose a simple navy blue dress from my closet, a cocktail dress with a ruffled asymmetrical hem and straps a few inches wide, with a v-neckline that doesn’t cut too deep. I dusted a little bronze eyeshadow over my lids and added a thin cat eye and a nude lip, and hoped that would meet my brother’s approval. As for Theo, I don’t really give a fuck.
You need to, if you’re going to do what Nikolai wants you to.
I’ve never been a good liar. It got me in trouble with our father more than once during our childhood. And now so much depends on my being able to lie and fake my way through a marriage with a truly dangerous man.
