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I wish there was some other way.But I believe that if there was, Nikolai would have chosen that. One that didn’t end with more bloodshed and danger than this option.
I pick up the sapphire earrings anyway, since they’re the ones that go best with my dress, and slip them into my ears. They’re heavy, inherited from my mother’s collection—large, deep blue round sapphires surrounded by a halo of diamonds, with smaller teardrop sapphires hanging from them. They make a statement, and I slip my hair behind my ears—blown out straight and sleek—so that the earrings stand out.
Checking the clock, I can see it’s almost time to go down and meet the driver to head over to Nikolai’s new estate. I’m glad he chose to have the dinner there—the last thing I need is Adrik on the premises when Theo is there.
Speak of the devil.I’m barely to the staircase when I see him coming up, a set expression on his face, and I know he’s looking for me.Shit.
The moment he sees me, his face changes. It sends a flood of mingled emotions that I can’t begin to untangle through me, because the desire on his face is so evident. He looks at me and wants me—and then, in the next second, I can see him remembering that I’ve dressed for another man tonight. There’s a look of such instant hurt in his eyes that I wish I could tell him that I was wrong. That I won’t be marrying Theo—not that I’m going to meet him tonight.
“Marika.” His voice is clearer now—he knows there’s less to worry about here. “We need to talk.”
“Shh.” I glance at the staircase, still worried. “Adrik, there’s still ears here. Staff, the other security—you know that. They love to gossip—”
He looks at me, and I can see the tension running through every inch of him, as if he hasn’t relaxed a single bit since he walked away from me downtown. “We can talk out here, where you’re worried about ears, or somewhere private, but we need to talk before you leave. Your choice.”
“I’m going to be late—” I can hear the desperation in my voice, not just because I know the conversation will make me late—which will piss off Nikolai—but because I still don’t know what to say. There’s nothing I can say that will make this any better, and I could easily make it so much worse by accident.
“I’m not waiting until after you’ve signed the contract.” He looks at me, his gaze skimming over my dress, the sparkling jewels at my ears. “That’s where you’re going, right? To agree to marry that potato-farming fuck?”
“Adrik!”
“What?” He glares at me. “Not happy about me talking about yourhusbandlike that?”
“He’s not my husband yet.” I glare at him, frustrated, and my own emotions rise up hot and thick, making my voice sharper than I mean for it to be. “Fine,” I snap. “Let’s go down to the library. We can talk in there.”
The library is on the second floor, a huge room with a fireplace and massive windows filled with wall-to-wall shelves of books that I normally love spending time in. I’ve had fantasies about bringing Adrik in here, although we’ve never made it this far before falling into my bed. This conversation hasn’t been a part of any of those fantasies.
I shut the door carefully, turning to face him. “Adrik, please listen to me—”
“No. I need you to listen to me.” The anger in his eyes is mixed with something hot and desperate, and it makes me ache to see it, because there’s nothing I can do to fix it. The only fault in this is that of the world we live in—it’s not mine or Adrik’s…or even really Nikolai’s, the way I see it. If there is a fault, it’s Theo’s, for pushing my family to this. But Nikolai is doing his best with what he knows, and as for Adrik and me—
I could have never slept with him. Everything would be so much easier if I hadn’t. But looking at him, I can’t imagine how I could have ever told him no. Not when I was so lonely, and he seemed to know so clearly what it was that I needed.
He looks at me, reaching up to touch the side of my face, his fingers brushing over the edge of my jaw. “You look so fucking beautiful, Marika.”
The hurt in his voice is so evident. It makes it so hard to resist him, and tonight, of all nights, I need to resist him. All the memories in that touch and all the ones we could still make if not for this—I can’t lose myself in that. It’s already so hard for me not to give in, not to tell him that yes, I’ll go with him, instead of going to my brother’s house and into an unwanted marriage that’s been arranged for me. And when I meet Theo—
I need to be on my guard. I need to be ready for what it is that he might want from me, ready to play the game that my brother is setting up, because it’s a dangerous one. The distraction that Adrik poses could be deadly to us both—to all of us.
I reach up and grab his hand, pulling it away from my face. “I can’t do this right now, Adrik,” I tell him pleadingly. “I need to focus. Ihaveto marry Theo. I can’t tell you why, but—”
Before I can get another word out, he backs me against the door, his other hand sliding into my hair—and then his mouth is on mine, kissing me with a hunger that makes my knees weak.
My defenses are so thin. His lips are warm and full against mine, the kiss hard and urgent, and I know he’s a few moments away from sliding the dress of my skirt up, lifting me, and fucking me against the door. And the worst part is—Iwanthim to.
Nothing between Adrik and I has been forced, ever. I wanted him when I let him take my virginity on that floral couch in the informal living room, and I’ve wanted him every time in between, and I want him now. I can feel the pulse of desire through my blood, feel my lips part under his, and I know I’m so close to giving him what he wants.
What would it hurt, really? You’re already not a virgin any longer. Who would know? You can be a little late.
Nikolai will be furious if I’m late. He’ll tell me I’m putting the entire plan at risk. And he’ll be right. But Adrik’s mouth is on my throat, his lips brushing against the spot below my ear that he knows I like best, and his hand is inching up my skirt, just as I knew he would.
“Don’t do this,” he whispers in my ear. “God, I want you so badly it hurts, Marika. I don’t want to let you go.”
I close my eyes, fighting back tears for the second time tonight. Not because Adrik is hurting me—but because I don’t want to let him go either…not yet, and maybe not ever. I want time to figure out what this is, if it’s just the first rush of lust or if it could be something more, if he’ll tire of me, or if his feelings are genuine. And I don’t have that time. Not yet.
His hand is between my thighs, and my defenses crumble. He reaches for my other hand, placing it against the front of his fatigues, and I can feel how hard he is. Hard and aching forme, and I can’t deny him.
I can’t deny myself.
