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The sad look in his eyes makes me feel terrible for asking, but the smile that follows is full of understanding.
“I would never trap you, and if you are snared at all it is due to nature and you are no more captured than I.” He chuckles in a way that sounds a little self-deprecating. “I would say that given the tendency of my species, I’m even more caught. This feeling is like wrestling in the grasp of a sea snake and being powerless to do anything about it. I cannot escape either.”
Tension that I didn’t even know I had eases within me at his words. Knowing that we are both in this same boat together and it’s not just him influencing me somehow makes it better. Whatever this is between us, I’m not prey.
“Have you ever felt this before?” I whisper.
The moment the words leave my mouth, I want to take them back. Although part of me wants to know what this is leading to, the larger part of me doesn’t want to think that he’s felt this incredible pull with anyone else.
I go weak with relief when he solemnly shakes his head.
“Never, though I have spent all of my life waiting for this moment—hoping for it.” His expression softens with a sweetness that startles me and sends a warm bloom of emotion through my chest.
“But… what does it mean?” I want to know, but I’m afraid that I also already know and just can’t get my mind around the possibility and how much it will change my future.
“It means everything,” he murmurs as he pushes himself up onto his hands and his tail rises out of the water. “It is what every moment until now has carried me to. The current that carries me to where I was always meant to be… with you. You feel the dance of our magic—your power and my lure entwining together, the first pulse of life for our new pod.”
It only put his face level with my belly, but he doesn’t seem to notice with the way he’s staring up at me as if I’m the best thing he’s ever seen. In this moment, I feel as if I can believe that there is this invisible net tightening around us, drawing us closer together as if we are meant to be. But some of what he says doesn’t make sense.
“Pod?” I don’t recall him mentioning that while speaking of his species. “What is that?”
He grins up at me in delight as he always does when I show curiosity about his species. “A pod is a family grouping. Among most Aquanas they are female led, usually by the eldest female. A male upon reaching maturity can join with another female’s pod, enlarging her family by the addition of a hunter and warrior and the young that they may have until the pod grows so large that it divides. Or in cases when a male mates with a lone female who chooses to create her own dynasty, then they become the prime breeding pair of a new pod.”
Ah, that explains why we never got to that. We have been so occupied by discussing his biology in our brief interviews with the list of questions that The Society prepares for me that we never get around to talking about social things. It’s unbelievable that I didn’t know anything about Aquana diet until yesterday and now I’m learning that they live in family groups called pods.
And he wants that with me.
I feel faint with shock but hot as I’m certain that I’m blushing from my toes to the top of my head. Ro speaks of our new pod which can only mean that he wants to create a family… with me? It’s romantic and overwhelming—and a little upsetting as it feels like once again my future is being decided for me. Instead of well-meaning parents, it’s a male who wishes me to give up my life to create this new “dynasty.” It’s not a trap laid to satisfy his lust or any other purpose, but nor is this a fleeting thing. He wants to mate me, and like most fae that is not something that can be undone nor broken while we are alive.
I bite my lower lip, uncertainty coiling in my gut. Do I want to throw away the chance of pursuing my own magic to be with him? It is tempting as hell because I can’t imagine my magic being more important than what I’m feeling. What if it’s just lust and I take this leap and regret it in the morning? Gods, I don’t want to do this and have it all end up one huge mistake. That wouldn’t be fair to either of us if we are stuck in a mating that loses its bloom before it even begins.
Ro hums softly, his expression understanding, though I don’t miss the way he winces briefly as if in pain, and immediately I feel guilty. His hum becomes louder and his eyes widen in alarm as he pushes up high and there is a sudden rushing sound of water that fills my ears. I only barely note it because I’m focused entirely on Ro as he suddenly rises in the air until he towers over me. I blink in surprise as the sudden height difference. It’s as if he is standing right in front of me, but I’m distracted when he wraps his arms around me, pulling me close to his chest. I can’t help but notice the water slowly soaking my clothes, though I’m unable to see exactly what’s going on as he holds me close to him.
“I can feel the way our bond pulls with your worries. No decisions have to be made now. Do not be concerned. Every moment I have with you is perfect just as it is. It is enough for me.”
That’s such a lie, even if he doesn’t mean it to be.
But I’ve seen the way that he watches me when he thinks I’m not looking. When we were eating sushi there were times that I looked up and caught him staring at me with such longing that it took my breath away. He is telling me that it’s enough because I want him as much as he wants me, and I want a special moment that I can hold close to me—of when I felt truly wanted for me just as I am—even if our paths and currents take us in different directions in the end.
“What if I want more?”
Ro pulls back in surprise, and I’m able to see a font of spinning water lifting him above the pool’s surface. The water catches the light and glows with his magic, and for a moment I’m captivated by it before I shake myself free of its allure and meet his eyes. He stares down at me in surprise, his lips parted with wonder.
“You would be mine?” he rasps with so much hope that I feel a pang of guilt.
“I’m not certain I’m ready for that,” I admit. “I don’t know if it’s just because we’re different and I find that incredibly attractive, or if all of this is the real and lasting sort of connection that you make me want. I’m not fae. Humans don’t work the way the fae races do.”
He grimaces with disappointment, but he nods. “I know what it is. I know that it is real, but I also understand that you cannot know the way I do.” He meets my eyes stubbornly. “I would prove it to you. Give me until the moon goes round once more to show you in every way that I am meant to be yours.”
“You would do that?” It seems like too much to hope that he would be willing to meet me halfway, but he gives me a sharp nod. I bite my lip anxiously. I don’t want to lead him on. “I’ll be honest, Ro, aside from the fact there’s so much I want to learn about myself and my magic, the idea of being dragged into the sea to live there is terrifying to me.”
A relieved grin stretches across his face. “Is that the biggest concern you have?” He chuckles at my wary nod and releases me as he drops back into the pool with a loud spray of water so that I’m once again looking down at him. “Keri, whereas I cannot speak of females and what they do, most males—me included—prefer to establish coves to dwell near our human mates. In fact, most pods prefer to live around island coves where the fish are plentiful. I would not do any less for you. Although you would be given the gift of breathing underwater as well, your comfort will always be my priority. You would dwell within reasonable distance to humans should you wish to. You will still be you and have everything you want open to you.”
Oh.I begin to smile in relief, but my joy is interrupted by one significant and terrible thought.
“But what about you? Will you be able to live on land with me? I mean really live and not just suffer like The Little Mermaid—the Hans Christian Anderson one,” I clarify quickly.
Though he is still smiling, Ro gives me a puzzled look, clearly not understanding the reference to the mermaid who felt pain with every step she took. Although I know that he walks easily, the supplement and its agonies seem like a terrible price for him to pay to be with me.
