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OnlyIknow why. My whole body has been tingling every day for six long weeks, thinking about why—that night, the heat, the absolute insanity of what we did.
“Emma!”Chrissy yells, clapping her hands in front of my face.
I jolt out of my thoughts to find Chrissy frowning at me. She’s wearing her hair in intricate long braids, her thick, stylish bracelets jingle-jangling as she grabs the edge of the computer chair. I shake my head, grab the test from the desk, and hold it to the light.
“Why don’t you lick it, too?” Chrissy jokes. “Just to be sure.”
“Hey, this is serious.”
She frowns. “I’m sorry, E. I’m just so confused about this. I can’t think straight.”
I move to the edge of the bed and sit down. It’s no good standing there staring at the pregnancy test. Then again, it probably wasn’t very productive to spend the last six weeks replaying that one night over and over in my mind, remembering what he said.
You never moan like this for anybody else, just for me.
It was clearly just dirty talk, part of the thrill. He didn’t come back after storming out. He didn’t tell me he needed to see me again. If it weren’t for the test on the desk, this would be over.
“Emma,” Chrissy says softly.
“Yeah, sorry.” I rub my eyes. “I haven’t been sleeping very well. You said you’re confused about this?” When she nods, I follow up. “What do you mean, confused? About whether or not…”
I can’t even finish the sentence. Everybody makes their own choices in life, and I’d never judge anybody else, but I feel connected to this baby already. It’s like Dad said I would play with my baby dolls even as a kid, imagining the day I could offer and receive that love. Does that make me a lame weirdo? Maybe, but it’s who I am.
“No, not that,” Chrissy says, twisting one of her braids around her finger. “But I can tell how much you genuinely like this guy. When you told me what happened, your whole face lit up. I’ve never seen you like that before. About a boyora girl.”
I smile. “A girl?”
“Well, how was I supposed to know?”
“We’ve been friends since, what, fifth grade?”
“Yeah, when you helped cut that gum out of my hair. You’ve always been ace. But don’t come at me acting like you’ve ever,once, shown a romantic interest in anybody. Now this guy has lit you up like the Fourth of July.”
He’s not justthis guy. He’s not just somebody. He’s the man I’ve been waiting for, dreaming of. The second I saw him, I knew it, and now I can feel this baby growing in me. That’s technically impossible, right? But I feel it, like a seed greedily drinking water, taking whatever nourishment it can. Suddenly, there are tears in my eyes. I rub my face again.
“Hey, E…” Chrissy walks over to the bed, sits beside me, and wraps her arm around me. “It’s going to be okay.”
“What’s confusing you, Chrissy?” I ask, wanting to stay on the subject or at least not make my tears the subject.
“I’d be happy for you,” she says sadly, “if it wasn’t so complicated. That’s the confusing part.”
“If he wasn’t friends with Dad. If he wasn’t twice my age. If he hadn’t walked out on me. If this pregnancy wasn’t the definition of an accident?”
Perhaps it’s anaccident, but not a mistake. I’ll never say that.
“Yeah,” Chrissy sighs. “I’m trying to think of some kickass advice. It’s tough.”
“It’s enough that you’re here,” I tell her, resting my head on her shoulder. “Do you think I should do another test?”
“That was the third one,” she points out in a soft voice. “Each one was positive. What are the chances they wereallwrong?”
I nod. “I think I should go to the doctor and make sure before I…” I swallow, more tears trying to appear in my eyes. Through my bedroom wall, I can hear Eric in his room, yelling into his microphone as he plays some computer game.
“Tell Logan?” Chrissy offers softly.
I close my eyes as the weight of her words settles on me. He’s still in Canada. His team is doing well after that initial screwup. Logan is back on his game. Apparently, a quickie with his friend’s daughter got it all out of his system. I open my eyes and nod.
“Yeah, but I need to be sure first. He’s not going to be happy about this.”
