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“Mia!” Squeezing my eyes shut, I rub my temples. “Do you have to talk all the goddamn time?”
Even from here, I see her throat constrict and her cheeks flush pink. A pang of guilt slices through my chest. I’m annoyed and frustrated, and yes, a lot of that has to do with her, but that’s not exactly her fault.
“I’m s-sorry,” she says softly, wringing her hands in front of her. God, I’m such a fucking prick. She continues before I can apologize for snapping at her. “I know I talk way too much. Brad always told me that too. He hated it…” She shakes her head like she’s trying to dislodge an unwanted memory. Curling my fingers into fists at my sides, I curse silently, annoyed at myself. “I’ll give you a little peace and quiet.” She bows her head and walks silently from the room, leaving me to stare after her, feeling like the world’s most insensitive asshole. I despise him for making her feel bad for being who she is. But I despise myself even more for having anything in common with that motherfucker.
I should go after her and apologize. Tell her she doesn’t need to change a single thing about herself for anyone. But I don’t. Better she knows what an insensitive, heartless bastard I am than think there’s anything but anger, despair, and bitterness inside me.
* * *
With my eyesclosed and my palms flat on the tiled wall, I stand in the shower. Usually, the scalding water takes the edge off a little, but not today. Nothing soothes me lately. Pent-up tension and rage bristle beneath my skin. My muscles are tense as fuck. My cock is rock hard and has been for the past hour. After Mia left the library, I kept seeing that tormented look I put on her face. The hurt I etched there. And then I imagined her gazing at me like that for an entirely different reason. What if I could give her a completely different kind of hurt? The kind that walks the thin line between pleasure and pain.
No! I shake my head and bang my fists on the tiles and imagine Anya’s face. Blue eyes and ash-blond hair. High cheekbones and pale pink lips.
I squeeze the base of my shaft hard, waiting for the relief to seep into my bones, but none comes. I pump fast, hoping some of the tension will start to dissipate as a climax builds. But it doesn’t. Nothing helps.
Screwing my eyes tightly shut, I comb through the memories I have saved for moments like these. The thousands of times I fucked my wife. But they all elude me. All I can see is Mia’s face. The pain. The way she smiles even when she’s hurting. Heat sears in my chest, tightening my balls. Would she smile like that if I…
“Fuck!” I roar, banging my clenched fist against the wall.
I can’t think about anyone but Anya while I’m jacking off. Can’t think about anything but her beautiful body. That’s the way it’s been for as long as I can remember. That’s the way it will always be. But when I close my eyes again, even her face eludes me.
I press my forehead against the cool tiled walls and release my grip on my aching cock. It throbs painfully, but there’s no relief for me if it’s not with her.
ChapterEleven
LORENZO
“You’ll be around for dinner, right?” Dante asks as we walk down the hallway to our study. “We missed you the last two nights.”
I answer with a grunt. It’s true that I’ve been avoiding dinner since I snapped at Mia a couple of days ago. But I guess she’s been avoiding me too because I’ve barely seen her. I know she’s been in the library—boxes have been moved and her goddamn scent hasn’t faded. But she must be sticking to times when she doesn’t think I’ll be there.
Dante arches an eyebrow at me. “You been going anywhere in particular?”
My muscles tense. “Working.”
His brow wrinkles with concern. “On anything I should know about?”
My phone rings, saving me from having to answer my brother. I check the screen; it’s Lionel’s number. “I have to take this.”
Dante narrows his eyes and nods. “Go ahead then.”
I glance between him and the phone. We never keep secrets from each other, but for some reason, I don’t tell him who’s calling. Not even when the look he gives me makes me think he believes this is something personal, which it’s definitely not.
The corners of his mouth curl up in amusement. “Dinner? Tonight?”
“I’ll be there,” I snap.
“Good.” With a satisfied grin, he walks off down the hallway, leaving me to answer my call in private.
“Yeah?” I push open the door to the library, both annoyed and relieved to find it empty. It’s been two days since I last spoke to her. Surely she’s not still pissed at me.
“Lorenzo, you there?” Shit. How long has he been talking? I once again allowed myself to become distracted by thoughts of Mia when I should be thinking about anything but her.
“You got something for me?”
“That guy you asked me to look into, you know he had a sister?”
I’m one hundred percent sure Mia never mentioned a sister-in-law. “No.”
