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I glanced at him in surprise, forgetting all about Presley. This was news about Carter. I hadn’t seen him using the hard stuff lately, so I was caught off-guard. He’d been in rehab a few years ago to kick the habit, and I’d thought he was only drinking and doing the occasional line of coke. “You serious? He’s using H again?”
Heroin was scary stuff.
I was no angel, but needles weren’t my favorite even in a medical setting, so the idea of shooting up for fun was beyond me. I avoided heroin like the fucking plague.
“I haven’t seen it,” he acknowledged, “but Pete did and told me.”
Pete Simms was Kellan’s guitar tech.
“Are we doing another intervention?”
“I don’t know.” He stared straight ahead. “But I’m worried.”
“Fuck.” I worried about Carter too. We were only a year apart, and he was older, but he was like the fun-loving little brother you wanted around until he broke something. Then you just wanted to call your mom and tell her to take him home. Except we were all the mom in this analogy, and there was nowhere to send Carter if we wanted to keep touring.
“But we’re not supposed to be talking about Carter,” he said. “I want to know what’s up with you.”
“I’m tired, man,” I said quietly, deciding to talk about the bigger situation that had been going on much longer than the Presley situation. “I love touring, playing music with you guys, but we haven’t had any real time off in years. If you think about it, we’ve been doing this for eight years and we’ve been going full steam ahead almost the whole time. At some point, something’s got to give.”
Kingston blew out a breath. “It’s hard to figure out a time to take a break. The tour dates, album sales, merch, it’s all just one big, interconnected business machine that keeps snowballing. Every time we try to pull back, some other thing happens to push us into the thick of things.”
“It’s bullshit, King. How much money do we need?”
“I dunno.” He glanced at me, and our eyes locked for a beat.
“Is this you or is this management?” I asked finally.
“It’s both. I feel like we should ride the success wave as long as we can. We won’t be on top forever.”
“Why not?” I countered. “The Stones, Crue, Metallica—they’ve been at it for decades. Isn’t longevity the plan?”
“It is, but there are no guarantees in life.”
“Of course not. But we’re established. All bands have the odd album that flops, it’s gonna happen, but the live shows? That’s our golden ticket. Every single night is sold out. If you ask me, that won’t change. And frankly, I think people will be even more desperate to come to shows if we stop touring for a while.”
“That what you want?” Kingston asked. “You need a break that badly?”
“I really fucking do.” I picked up my pace and Kingston matched my strides. I was six-five to his six-one, but he was leaner and faster than me in general. My bulk held me back sometimes, though I could bench press him if I had to.
“We’re locked in until fall.”
“I know.”
“Let’s have a band meeting. We can talk it out.”
“Carter and Tommy are going to say no fuckin’ way. Kellan will see which way the tide is running, and he’ll follow whichever group he thinks will get him what he wants.”
“Let me talk to Aurora and see if I can get Tommy alone,” Kingston said. “If you’re burning out, and Carter’s fallen off the wagon, it’s probably time to cut back.”
I merely nodded.
I’d heard this before but wouldn’t believe it until I saw it happen.
It wasn’t that Kingston was lying. There were five men with five distinct personalities in this band, and there was usually a majority when we made these kinds of decisions. How we moved forward would depend on who decided what. And most of the time, that was anyone’s guess.
* * *
We rolled into Kansas City at dawn on a Friday, and I immediately caught a cab to the Hilton. I was so done with the fucking tour bus, it wasn’t even funny. I’d already announced that I wasn’t going anywhere in Europe unless we were flying. Period. If they insisted on a bus, they’d have to tour without me. To my surprise, everyone but Carter had been on board, and he’d eventually caved too. I had a feeling everyone was burning out; I was just the only one willing to admit it.
