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I laughed, even as tears sprung to my eyes.
“He is hot,” I agreed. “And the fact that he’s willing to do this for me makes him even hotter.”
“You’re not alone, Dev. I also had an idea for the future.”
“Oh?”
“You should let Presley interview you. Her music e-zine is doing really well and I think she’d love the chance to get your side of the story. The whole truth, not just the bullshit on social media right now.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready for that,” I admitted. “The wounds are still pretty raw,”
“Take your time. She’s not going anywhere. The only decision you have to make right now is whether or not you’re going to show up in London night after next.”
“You think the fans will forgive me?’
“You haven’t done anything wrong, Dev. There’s nothing illegal or immoral about you doing consensual porn. You were paid, and it helped you get through college. How is that different from women who strip for a living? I know there’s more to the story as far as your relationship with Larry but that’s not public knowledge. Right now, the press is trying to make you look like you did something to be ashamed of, and from my perspective, that’s bullshit.”
“They’re also insinuating that I screwed Kingston to get the job.”
“But it’s not true, is it?”
“Of course not. I already had the job.” I paused. “Can I be honest with you?”
“Of course.”
“Just between us?”
“Unless you’re somehow trying to hurt the band, you can tell me anything.”
“Not in a million years.” I sighed and leaned against the wall. “I’m scared, Sasha.”
“Of which thing?”
“All of it. Scared that Kingston won’t forgive me and I’ll never get over it. Scared the band will look at me differently, no matter what they say. Scared I’ll somehow hurt the band’s reputation or that my past will make us all look bad. And more than all of that, I’m terrified to go out on that stage in London to hear them boo me.” Despite my promise not to cry, my voice broke at the end.
“Oh, honey, that’s not going to happen. I promise. Kate Lansing-Martensson is already working on ways to make this go away. The band’s attorney is looking into the legalities of getting all those movies taken down from Porn Chumps, and the fact of the matter is, more than half of the band’s fans are men. And if anything, they’re going to be dying to see you live now that they’ve seen you naked. I know that doesn’t help emotionally, but at the end of the day, the band has been objectified since day one. They’ve embraced it and use it to their advantage. If you decide to stay, you’re going to have to as well.”
I didn’t say anything for a few seconds, trying to wrap my head around that.
“Dev?”
“I’m here. I guess I have a lot to think about.”
“Please don’t make the break-up with Kingston the reason you leave the band. None of us want you to go, and that includes him, even if he’s not ready to admit it yet.”
“Thank you. I appreciate you saying that.”
“I hope I’ll see you in London.”
“I hope so too.” I disconnected and sank onto the bed.
I didn’t know what to do.
If Kingston couldn’t forgive me, working together would be torture. Touring with him and watching him sleep with other women might kill me.
But the alternative was letting my past overshadow my future.
The gig with Onyx Knight was a dream-come-true. Not just because of the music, but the financial aspect wasn’t something I could easily walk away from. I could make enough money in a few years to be comfortable or the rest of my life.
