Page 40 of Rock God


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“Just a lot on my mind,” I told him.

“Your mind on a certain bass player we know?”

I chuckled, as if his suggestion were ludicrous. “What are you talking about?”

“You might have everyone else fooled, but I know you too damn well. You’ve got it bad for our newest band member and I’m probably not the only one who’s noticed. They’re just too polite to call you on it.” He paused. “You know that would be a disaster, right?”

“I do.”

“But you’re gonna do it anyway.”

“Nah. She friend-zoned me.”

“Really?” He seemed surprised. “Well, score one for the lady. Negative points for you, though.” He smacked my arm. “She’s a really good fit for us musically. Why the fuck would you want to mess with that?”

“I’m not!” I threw up my hands. “Just because I want to sleep with her doesn’t mean I’m going to.”

“Wait—did you tell her you only do anal? That why she turned you down?”

“We never got that far.”

“Man, you had a good thing going with Chey. Why’d you end it?”

“Because she wasn’t the one.”

“What one?” He frowned. “The forever one? Since when are you looking for the one?”

“I’m not. But Chey’s a good girl, and once I realized I wasn’t in it for the long haul with her, I didn’t want it to get so serious that I wound up breaking her heart.”

“Well, that’s the mindset you need with Devyn. Don’t do anything to break her heart because we not only need her professionally, we all really like her.”

“Like I said, she made it clear she wasn’t interested, so it’s a moot point.” That wasn’t completely true, but Kellan didn’t need to know that.

“And now you’re pouting.” He chuckled. “Well, don’t worry. There will be an abundance of pussy after the gig. That should cheer you up.”

“Do you ever get tired of one-nighters?” I asked abruptly.

Kellan stared at me as if I’d just sprouted horns.

“Are you serious? Not even a little.” He paused. “I mean, yes, okay, I get tired of the constant party and there are nights I just want to go home, alone, and chill. That part I get, but occasionally getting away from the insanity is different. One-night stands are life, man. A different woman in every city. Blondes, brunettes, and redheads make variety the spice of my sex life.”

“No desire to come home to the same one? Ever?”

“Oh, I didn’t say anything about never. Sure, I’ll eventually settle down, maybe have a couple of rug rats, but not yet. I mean, why would I? I’m twenty-nine. I have years before I want to think about that.”

“I don’t think it has anything to do with age,” I admitted. “Losing Carter has me thinking about my own mortality. Like, whether or not our time here is being spent being the best people we can be. If playing rock and roll is enough.”

I was expecting him to crack a joke but Kellan looked thoughtful. “I mean, that’s a different conversation, isn’t it? I don’t think the fact that I have a different girlfriend in every major city in the US makes me a bad human being. We still donate to charity, volunteer at soup kitchens, and take care of our friends and family. What’s got you so melancholy? This can’t be just about Devyn.”

“No.” I hesitated since I honestly wasn’t sure what was going on in my head. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ll snap out of it once we’re out on the road.”

“You always get like this when we’re not on tour.”

“You have a point.”

“Well, suck it up, big guy. We have the Whiskey gig next week and then Thanksgiving, Christmas, and it’ll be time to hit the road.”

I laughed.

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