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Great. Strike two for trying to be cool.
“Sorry.” My cheeks heat as I move back, pressing my hand to my throbbing forehead.
My mortification only goes up a notch when I realize the person I bumped into is Benton.
“It’s okay,” he says, wincing as he rubs his chin.
“Don’t apologize to him, Zhara,” Taylor says, scowling at Benton. “In fact, he should apologize to you.”
Benton’s cold eyes narrow at her but his irritation softens a smidgeon as he shifts his attention back to me. “I just wanted to see if I can get you a drink.” He pauses, considering something, and a trace of a smile touches his lips. Unlike the one he wore at the front door, this smile looks more friendly than taunting. “To welcome you to your first party.”
The only alcoholic drink I’ve ever had is the shot Taylor had me drink earlier and I wasn’t too impressed with that one. I open my mouth to decline, but before I can get the words out, Taylor answers.
“Zhara would love a drink,” she says, in an exaggerated bitchy tone. “And you can get me one too while you’re at it.”
Benton blasts Taylor a dirty look to which Taylor responds with a sugary sweet smile.
His jaw ticks and I can tell he wants to say more but holds back. “Whatever. I’ll be back.” Then he stalks off toward the kitchen, pushing people out of his way.
“You shouldn’t have made him do that,” I tell Taylor, biting at my thumbnail. “He looked mad.”
She gives me a look then tugs my finger out of my mouth. “That’s just how Benton is. He’s always got his panties in a bunch about something.” She stands on her tiptoes, her gaze skimming the room. “I’ve never seen him offer to make someone a drink before, though. He must feel really bad.”
“I didn’t mean to make him feel bad,” I say loudly over the music. “I don’t even know why I said what I did. I was just so mad and I…” I trail off as she gapes at me. “What’s wrong?” Feeling insecure, I rub my hand across my cheeks. “Do I have something on my face?”
She shakes her head. “No… I just don’t think I’ve ever heard you admit you’re mad. I mean, I’ve seen you try to be a bitch, but you suck at it.”
I rub my hand across my chest, trying to rub away the guilt. “I’m not always nice, Tay. I’ve been really mean to people who didn’t deserve it.”
She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, right. You’re, like the nicest person. Check our yearbook. It says so.”
I frown. While Taylor got voted most popular, I was picked as the sweetest person you’ll ever meet. I pretended to be happy about it, but truthfully, I was sad to be forever branded as the nice girl. Decades later when people flip through their yearbooks to reminisce, they’ll still remember me as the girl who smiled all the time and was nice to everyone. They’ll never know how fake I was and how plastic my smile was in the photo above my title. How hard it is to be happy all the time. How much I wanted to allow myself to be sad sometimes.
“Stop pouting. It’s not a bad thing that everyone thinks you’re nice.” Taylor’s lips pull into an amused smile. “Well, everyone, except for Benton. I’m not sure he still thinks you’re so sweet.” She laughs. “Oh my God, did you see the look on his face when you said that to him? He looked like a scolded dog with his tail between his legs.”
My chest is heavy as I inhale and exhale. I want to point out again that I didn’t mean to say what I did, that I just… Well, took a breath when I shouldn’t have, and that I’d take it back if I could. But Taylor took about four shots before we left her house to come here and a lightly buzzed Taylor is an inarguable one.
Her attention drifts from me to the dance floor. The sturdy bass song switches to a slow, sultry beat and everyone goes from grinding against each other, to sexually swaying their bodies to the rhythm. One couple, in particular, is so into it that they look like they’re about to rip each other’s clothes off and go at it right there in front of everyone. Taylor seems unperturbed by the live semi-porn show that’s happening in front of us, but my cheeks flush as I hastily look away.
“Who are you looking for?” I ask Taylor as she continues to skim the crowd.
“No one,” she replies. “Just checking out who’s here.”
“You suck at lying,” I tease her. “Fess up. Who is it?”
She tears her gaze away from the dance area and looks at me guiltily. “Fine, but don’t be mad, okay.”
“Why would I be mad?”
“Because tonight is a huge milestone for you, and I probably should be here with you the entire time.”
She’s leaving me here? Alone? “You’re leaving me here?”
She chews on her bottom lip. “I’m not leaving you. I just need to wander off for like a half an hour.”
Nerves bubble inside me. I don’t think I can handle this alone. But I can’t ruin her night just because I’m scared of being by myself.
“Wander off where?” I ask, doing my best to conceal my worry.
“To hang out with Parker for a little while,” she says then quickly adds, “We’ll probably just go into one of the rooms or something. But if you don’t want me to, I won’t.”
“No, it’s fine.” I do what I do best and plaster on a happy face. “So, Parker, huh? What happened to Brayden?”
She pulls a repulsed face. “Oh my God, I’m so over Brayden.”
“Why? What happened?” I ask. Because the last I heard she was, as she put it, “completely-out-of-her-mind, falling in love with him.”
She twists a strand of her hair around her finger, her gaze bouncing back and forth between me and every person that passes us. “He hooked up with that slut, Mara.”
“Hey, no slut shaming,” I say instinctively.
She giggles and rolls her eyes. “Yes, mom.”
I inch forward as someone bumps into me and glance over my shoulder to see who it is. Two guys who are on the football team are stumbling around with beers in their hands and grins on their faces.
Glad to see some familiar faces, I open my mouth to say hello when one of them drunkenly stage whispers, “Holy shit, Zhara’s here. What the hell, dude? Am I high or something?” He blinks his bloodshot eyes at me. “Yeah, I’m definitely high.”
“Does Benton know you’re here?” the other sneers at me. “I bet not. He usually doesn’t let narcs into his parties.”
Feeling like an idiot, I quickly turn back toward Taylor. But she’s too distracted with finding Parker that she doesn’t notice the drama unfolding behind me.
“When did Brayden and Mara hook up?” I ask her, trying to distract myself from the guys making fun of me. But each jab they take at me stings like a scalding burn and makes me question who I am even more. I thought I was popular by association, but I’m starting to second guess the people I considered my friends.
Maybe people are just nice to me because of Taylor. That thought doesn’t sit well at all.
“I don’t know.” Taylor shrugs. “Like a few weeks ago.”
A few weeks ago? How did I not know this? “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Her gaze remained fixed on the dance floor, the bar, at people passing by—everywhere but me. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s kind of hard to talk to you about guys and stuff.”
This time I can’t contain my hurt. “Why?”
Gui
lt flashes across her face as she glances at me. “It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just that you haven’t… Well, you know, even kissed a guy.” When my expression plummets, she sighs. “I’m not judging you. I think it’s awesome you’re waiting for the right guy. It’s just hard to talk to you about kissing and sex when you haven’t kissed anyone or…” She trails off at the sight of my hurt expression.
“Had sex,” I finish for her, my hurt showing through my voice. She’s got me all wrong. Sure, I want my first kiss to be with someone I like, but I’m not waiting around for the perfect guy to come along and sweep me off my feet. I just never go out and do anything that puts me in situations where I get a chance to be kissed.
“Who’s having sex?” Benton’s voice sails over my shoulder.
I cringe, my cheeks flaming, feeling so embarrassed I want to crawl into a closet and hide.
But unlike me, Taylor looks as comfortable as can be, plastering on a shiny grin. “I am.” Her gaze travels around the room. “That is, if I can find Parker.”
“I think he’s out on the deck.” Benton steps up beside us, carrying a plastic cup in each hand. “Here’s your drink.” He hands Taylor the fuller cup.
She smiles as she takes the cup from him, but then her nose crinkles. “What’s in this?”
Benton smiles, but it looks taunting. “Whiskey. Vodka, Rum, coke. Honestly, I put a little bit of everything in there.”
“Ew. That’s so disgusting.” She shoves the drink at him. “I don’t want this.”
He steps back, shaking his head. “Nope. You asked for a drink. There you go. What you do with it isn’t my problem.”
She leans down and sniffs the drink. “Oh my god that smells awful!” She gags then peers around helplessly. “What am I supposed to do with this? It’s undrinkable.”
Benton gives a nonchalant shrug. “Plug your nose and chug it.”
She grits her teeth. “You did this on purpose because I told you to get me a drink.” When Benton simply shrugs, she goes from angry to livid. “You know what? I’m so over this conversation.” She lifts her chin and gives him a haughty look. “I’m going to find Parker and have him get me a drink.” She starts to walk away but pauses and glances back at me. “Are you going to be okay by yourself for a while?”
