AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I freeze, my body drawing stiff, every ounce of pleasure leaking from me. Benny stills and lifts his head. “Nox? Are you okay? What happened? Did I hurt you?”
“Get off. Get off. Get off!” I shriek and as quickly as I’ve ever seen him move, Benny pulls from me and jumps off the bed, panic stealing across his handsome features. He lifts his hands to let them land on top of his head. Rolling breaths flow in and out of his lungs as I curl in on myself.
“Talk to me, Nox. What’s happening?”
“I can’t do this anymore!” I sob into my hands, agony and embarrassment jolting my frame as I cry. Even though I constantly have people around me, I feel so alone in all of this. No one will understand that I can’t seem to get the memories of almost dying to leave. No one will understand why I keep looking over my shoulder, jumping any time the house creaks, or panicking if I’m in a closed up room by myself. No one will get it and it all just seems so silly.
“What?” he croaks and the edge of the bed dips. I sigh in relief for the comfort I know he’s going to offer, but I also don’t know if I can be touched right now. I still feel the pressure of their bruising hits all over my body. “You can’t do what anymore?”
“I’m losing my mind, Benny. I’m on edge all the time. I’m so scared twenty-four seven, and now I can’t even have sex with my boyfriend without being reminded of the attack.” My voice is barely above a whisper and wet sounding from all the tears that haven’t stopped. I haven’t really cried. I couldn’t until now. It feels good to let it out. I’m sure everyone has thought I’m just really strong or unaffected, but the truth is, I’ve just been so numb, not letting myself break because as soon as I do, something else will happen.
“What did I do? Tell me how I can help.” The words are soft, but they leave him in a distraught rush. I do nothing but cry. I’m mortified that this has happened, and I don’t know how to tell him. “Can I please hold you? Please. I just want to hold you. I’m going insane right now because I don’t know how to help you.”
“They took the track from me, along with everything else. But the track? My happy place… I’m so sick of this crap.”
Benny’s hands dive into his hair, his powerful, naked body on full display, tattoos roaming from top to bottom. “I know you are. And I am so sorry they did that to you.”
I reach, searching blindly for his hand. He grabs mine and I direct him over me because Ineedhis touch to stop the feeling of theirs. Need his weight behind me. He settles in and situates himself so his body runs along the length of mine. Then he tosses the covers over our naked bodies, all while I have his arm wrapped around my midsection and I’m holding on tightly.
A hesitant kiss lands in my hair. “I love you,” he says. “I’m here for you, always, baby. Whatever you need. Whatever I can do. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Okay? I’m. Here.” I nod and hold him tighter.
“Can we just lay here?”
“Of course we can.”
CHAPTERFOURTEEN
TRACE
I absolutely cannot take anymoreof the sounds that girl makes when my best friend is fucking her. I never took her for one to be loud in the bedroom, but fuck me… She’s sensual, breathy, just enough to drive me crazy with need. Enough that I have to get out of here.
I slip quietly out of the apartment, not like they’ll notice, anyway. They’re very much occupied. The New York air in the summer can be a little stifling, but it usually cools off some at night. Tonight is no exception. It isn’t cold by any means, but it feels great. Enough to lift my mood.
My 328i is a welcomed sight. She’s a beauty that’s never hurt me or let me down. She’s always ready for a cruise through town, through the back roads, or if I just want to sit and jam out to some music.
I click the locks on the key fob and the lights blink, then I tuck myself behind the steering wheel. I’m not sure exactly where I’m going, just that I need some time to clear my head and let them finish their rendezvous.
I back out of the spot Benny has assigned for me, eyeing Lennox’s black Suzuki with a hint of jealousy. Since my car is paid off, a bike is a must on my list of things to purchase. My asshole father has canceled everything and stripped me of my trust, so I figured I’d save myself the embarrassment of him repossessing the bike he co-signed for and left it at his house.
The time I bought it, I had enough cash to buy it, like I did with my car, but he convinced me I needed to build credit. Giving in to that bit of advice was one of the dumbest things I could’ve done because now I don’t have a bike, but you live and you learn.
I’ll get a bike soon enough. Maybe Lennox would let me take hers for a spin. I chuckle to myself. Not likely at all.
The growling rumble of my modified exhaust echoes through the night, bouncing off the expanse of looming luxury apartment buildings. Benny’s office job doesn’t pay a lot, even for full time, but his brother sends him money to help until he gets out of school. Dank can certainly spare it considering he’s no longer just a guard in the Devils but a top-ranking member. He does well for himself and even has his own restaurant and a separate club. He also made sure that Benny doesn’t live in a crappy place, keeping him well away from anything gang related and in the good part of town.
I navigate my way to the outskirts of town, needing a change of scenery, to a place I don’t normally go. It’s not nearly as nice as our side of town, the side I grew up in having lived a privileged life.Heh, privileged.The only thing of privilege in that life was Hazel.
Speaking of, I haven’t called her. I pull up my contacts list and select her name. Now is as good a time as any, right? The sound of ringing fills the car, but it doesn’t take her long to answer.
“My dear boy, how have you been?”
“Hey, Hazel.” My deep bass rings out with the first hint of genuine happiness I’ve felt in days. Her confessions the night my dad cut me off have brought my connection with her to the forefront. “I’m doing alright. How are you?”
“I’m as happy as can be. I’ve made my way to Elisa’s house. There’s a lot going on here with three grand babies to run after. They’re certainly keeping me on my toes.”
The cheer in her voice, the ease with which she speaks, is something I haven’t heard from her in a very long time. A pang of guilt strikes me, but I push it away. She doesn’t want me to feel guilty that she stayed for me. That’s not the easiest, especially hearing how happy she is now, but I’m not about to ruin the time we had together. I needed her, and she was there for me. I will be forever grateful to her.
I chuckle lightly. “I bet they are.”
