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“It’s so good to hear from you. How have you been? Are you settling in somewhere?” Hazel doesn’t know that my dad locked me out of my money. There’s no need to stress her and keep bringing up the things he does. She’ll only worry about me and I don’t want that.
“It hasn’t been easy.” I sigh, truly feeling the weight of that confession for what it is. “But Benny has let me rent a room in his place since my credit isn’t good enough to get a place on my own yet.” Yeah, it’s a lie. I’m broke and can’t afford it, but this sounds better.
“Bennett is always a sweetheart. He’ll do anything for you.”
“Yeah. He’s a good dude. The best.” And I’m damn lucky to have him as a friend. “I have a few job interviews lined up and Benny is pushing me to go to college, but I’m not sure I’m interested in that just yet.”
“College could never be a bad thing, but you’ve also spent your entire life under your father’s lock and key. Learn a little more about who you are before you saddle yourself with so many commitments.” Hazel always gives the best advice, but the relief that her comment brings me is immense. I’ve been so worried about how to get back on track, get enrolled into classes and all that shit, that I haven’t taken the time to enjoy the fact that I am finally free from my dad. I have nothing holding me back or weighing me down anymore, which is liberating and scary as fuck.
“Thank you for telling me that. I’ve been putting so much pressure on myself…”
“I know. That’s why I told you. Under your father’s care, I never would have been able to, but you’ve always done it because he’s always done it to you. Let yourself live for a little while.”
“Yes, ma’am.” She pulls away from the phone and clears her throat. “What are your plans for tonight? Something safe I hope.” As in something that doesn’t involve drinking. I wish I could tell her I have no plans to drink, but that is rarely the case. Maybe I should stop. I often drink to get away from my dad…Now that he’s no longer bothering me…
“I’m currently just driving around. Needed to get out of the house for a bit. But I’ll be safe.”
“Good. Enjoy your night and remember what I told you. Just take some time to learn yourself. You have your entire life ahead of you. No need to decide right now.” I let her statement really sink in and it feels as if the world is lifting off of my shoulders as I drive.
“I miss you, Hazel. Can we grab some coffee sometime?”
“Screw coffee. We’re going to go to dinner. I have a few more days here with Elisa until I move into my place. Then we can plan something.” I laugh softly into the phone. “And remember to do more of that. You’re always too serious.” She’s not wrong. I rarely laugh. I’ve never been a light person. Benny has helped pull me out of that shell a little, but the instances are still few and far between. And with the thought of Benny and everything he’s done for me comes the thought of the girl I can’t seem to get out of my mind, even though she doesn’t belong to me in the slightest.
I add a little less melancholy to my voice when I say, “Dinner it is. It was nice to talk to you. Can’t wait to see you.”
“Right back at you, sweetheart. Take care now.”
“You too.” Just like everything else she does, our conversation is short and sweet. She never has been one to mess around or get too deep into things. I guess when you’re living and working in a place where that sort of shit isn’t allowed, habits die hard. I’ll make it a point to change that.
The line dies, leaving me with a bit of a hole in my heart that Hazel has apparently filled for as long as I can remember. I truly do miss her. Instead of turning the radio back on, I let the silence filter through me for a while as I drive away from the city skyline.
Back country roads and darkened mountains face me. I can’t wait. I live for this shit. The adrenaline of driving fast, whether it be a car or a bike, competition or just driving for the hell of it.
I downshift to third and punch the gas. Topping out at almost five hundred horsepower, I’m hauling ass down the long strait without a care in the world. The headlights of fellow night drivers flicker through the dense trees of the mountain I’ll be traversing in a few short moments. Excitement barrels through my veins and I grip the leather of my steering wheel until my palms ache. Sort of my pre race ritual. It helps with the arm pump that holding on too tightly while driving can cause. I’ve always been prone to it so I get the squeezing out beforehand.
I may not be racing tonight, but the mountain is my competition and there is always room for improvement.
Cruising at the top of sixth gear, the entrance is fast approaching. Anticipation has me ramped up, but as soon as I start my descent through the gears to slow my car for the sharp right at the mouth of the mountain, my usual calm rolls over me. My heart rate slows. My breathing becomes less ragged. Every bit of rigidity that my body held over the last miles is gone.
I’m ready.
Seeing no headlights in the oncoming lane, I swing out wide, then hug the apex of the turn, propelling through the curve. The back end slips, but I just steer into it. Apparently, my car and I have the same things on the brain tonight. We want some fun.
The windows are down, my only music the sounds of my engine, turbo, and exhaust. Who needs actual music when you have the perfect piece of machinery surrounding you, working with you? Feeding your addiction. The only healthy addiction I have.
I race to the top of the mountain, one with my car, flying through the turns until I reach a bit of a straight that signals I’m near the peak. There hasn’t been a car in sight, despite having seen them before I made it to the mountain. Typically, I end up finding at least someone to run with. Not tonight, I guess. Bummer.
I round the last bend and squint. My arm comes up to cover my eyes and I smash the brake pedal. The lights are in my lane…No, not lights but a flashlight that is signaling me, its movements frantic. “Hold up!” someone calls. “Incoming. Stop!”
An inkling of what is happening makes me stop my car exactly where I’m at. I can’t believe they didn’t stop me further down the road. They must just be getting started or they sure as hell need more lookouts. Maybe better lookouts.
“Just a minute then you can scoot,” the lookout says, tapping on my door frame and leaning into my window. His tone is nice enough, but the way he eyes my car has me on edge a bit. I believe I’ve stumbled upon Hellion territory.
Stumbled? Or have I subconsciously driven myself here? Hazel’s advice simmers in my mind. Learn who I am, who I want to be on my own.
“Hey, no problem. You guys be safe tonight, yeah?” He gives me a nod, then stands back up. I hear the screeching of the tires before I see the car. It’s on its tires, but at an odd angle across my lane. Behind it is another in the same position. Exhilaration is like a drug in my system. My foot taps against the clutch pedal.
Drifters. Fuck yes.I regroup as they pass me, as if I’m not even there. They carefully maneuver around me, having anticipated that they’d meet some traffic. That’s just what drifters do.
