AllFreeNovel
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We drop into a booth tucked in the back corner of the bar where the more tame drinkers are found. I have half of my tequila down before Spencer has taken two sips from his Jack. Don’t know how he drinks that shit but then I’m sipping tequila.
“Believe it or not, I was very close to my mom growing up,” he starts and I sit back, getting myself comfortable because I have a feeling Spencer is about to unload some shit… Not shit, but his truth. “The best of friends, honestly.”
“How did you end up with the Hellions if you had a loving mother?”
“Keyword is had.” He stares down at the glass between his hands as if the amber liquid holds all the memories of his mother. “My dad ran out on her, so it was just us growing up.”
“I’m sorry. That’s rough.”
“It’s rough for everyone, just different stories with similar outcomes.”
“That’s very fucking true, friend.” With that, I down the rest of my tequila so I can bury the memories of my shitty childhood. “What happened to your mom?”
He grunts, closing his eyes for a moment to collect himself. I reach out and place a hand on his shoulder to let him know I’m here for him. I never expected to get Spencer’s truth. He’s always struck me as the person to know everything about everyone else but not to give up his story.
“I told her I was bisexual, that I like men too. She said she needed some time to come to terms with it. I knew right then and there I should have kept it to myself like I always had. My dad really did a number on her, leaving her for his best friend. I can’t say she was homophobic, but he basically told her that their entire life together had been a lie, that I came out of a love that wasn’t true. Love is…waseverything to her and he killed it just like that. She struggled to accept that community, and I can’t say that I blame her.” He pauses and clears his throat after chugging the remainder of his alcohol. “The last conversation I ever had with her was to tell her about my sexuality. She didn’t shun me, just needed time, but I left thinking that I’d just put another nail in her coffin and an end to our relationship. I wasn’t nice to her at all, Trace. I still have the voicemail of her begging me to answer the phone so we could talk and she could tell me how she was fine with my sexuality. That she didn’t mean to paint me like my father. The one that ends with her shrieks of pain and yells for help.”
“What the hell happened?” We fall into silence, surrounded by the suffocation of grief hanging heavily in the air. Spencer twirls his empty glass around and around, letting it spin like a top until it settles back on the table with a thump. His eyes are poised on crystal, but he’s not seeing it.
“A drunk driver came into her lane and they are guessing she was too distracted by crying on the phone to my voicemail to notice or do anything about it. I killed my mother. Had I not told—”
“Spencer. Don’t fucking go there, man. It is not your fault.” His scoff is one of utter disbelief. No doubt everyone has told him that and he will never believe it because guilt is a bitch of an emotion.
“I’m going to watch over Benny for you.” Quite the drastic change in subject, but I understand where he is coming from now and why he’s pushing it so hard. Even if we weren’t Hellions, life can be over in an instant. Doesn’t change the fact that I’m just not ready to face my shit with Benny. Right now, it’s my choice that he isn’t in my life.
“No, you’re not.”
“I am. Because I’m not ready for you to give up on this relationship over your stupid bullshit. He beat on you. So what? I don’t know the guy, but from the sounds of it, you were a little shitty to him. Two weeks after he lost his girl and you just show up at his place after saying nothing to him?” I force my annoyance down. Spencer is just being a friend, but I don’t need his help on this. Maybe if I don’t make a big deal out of it, he’ll let it go.
“You sound like a girl.”
“Quit playing, Johnson. You have to know that’s crazy fucked up. Then you two had words. Big whoop he took his anger out on you. He’s hurting, man.” It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him exactly why I quit talking to Benny, but that would be to reveal my feelings for my best friend’s girlfriend and that I can’t do. I grip my glass in my hands to stop the shaking there. Fuck, it hurts to know she’s gone and I’m not over her because I never had her. So many things left undone.
“I’m going through my own shit.”
“Daddy cut you off. Boo hoo.” His lips turn into an exaggerated pout I want to punch.
“It’s more than that and you know it. A fucking lifetime more than that.” It’s more like the girl I’m in love with is missing and I don’t know if we will ever see her again. That shit hurts. But I don’t say that. “Besides, whose side are you on?”
“I’m on yours. That’s why I’m willing to waste my time looking after your friend, because as much as you’re a pain in my ass, you’re a part of us now. If I can’t dish you the truth, then we aren’t true friends. I’d expect you to do the same for me.” Knowing my track record, I’d just let him down.
“Oh, only ‘cause I’m a Hellion? Or is it that Ilya—”
He looks me dead in the eye as he cuts me off. “Trace, you both need someone to look after you. I’m going to do that. No more fucking arguments.” I believe him when he says there are no more arguments allowed. He is incredibly determined and isn’t budging on this. I heave a sigh that lets him know I’ll give in for now. The tension of my self destructive nature is getting too tough and I need this conversation to be over with.
“Don’t let him see you and for the love of god, don’t hit on him. You’re his type.” I sound like I’m teasing, but I’m really not. The last thing I need to deal with is the two of them hooking up. That would be disastrous.
“His type?” He gives me a cheeky grin and sits up straighter. I pin him with a glare, but he doesn’t give a fuck. Spencer isn’t one to be afraid of anything.
“I will kill you if I find out you’ve done anything with him. That’s a promise. It will destroy him. I already know it. I can guarantee he is beating himself up over Lennox because she is the love of his life.”
“Because you blamed him for losing her.” I set my glare on him once again, daring him to say another word. I’m not a threat. Even though I’ve put a lot of time in the gym, I’m still no match for that big motherfucker.
“I’m just stating the obvious.”
“Please don’t fuck him.”
“I’ll try my best not to.” I groan and climb from the booth to get more alcohol.
