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I crack. “Stop being nice to me, Dash. Just stop.”
He pulls his hand back. “Okay.”
I push myself up off the floor and start off to the kitchen. I need a drink of water to wash this all away.
He follows me but doesn’t say anything, and it pisses me off. That’s him in a nutshell. Mr. Silent. Just like his moving out. He could have explained. We could have talked about it more. But no. Tight Lips over here just can’t…
I slam my plastic cup down on the counter when I finish.
“Molly…” he says my name like he’s trying to calm me down.
But it only winds me up. I spin around fast. “Don’tMollyme. Dash, honestly, you’re really, really…” The anger swirls around with the other energy that’s always between us, and I get confused again. I point to his suitcases. “I didn’t want you to leave!”
“I’m just making room for your sister…”
“No, you’re not! You’re making a statement. And that statement is we’re not together and we never ever will be. And I’m sorry… yes, Dash, I’m just another silly girl thinking I’d be the one to change you. Bet I’m probably just the most recent one in a long line of women chasing the bad boy…” My words trail off. They’re venomous and uncalled for.
His eyebrows pinch together. He rolls his lips, and I know he isn’t going to fight with me. Just like he didn’t fight his inner demonsforme. I inhale deeply and ball my fists, clenching the urge to lash out at him tightly into them. This is not his fault. Did he lead me on? No. Well, maybe? I don’t know.
But we can’t fight. We can’t be friends either, but this man is what he’s always been. My boss. I should have kept it that way all along and now I need to get it back to where we started.
“I’m just… we shouldn’t have slept together. It did things to me and…” I cleanse some of the anger and hurt away with a deep breath. “Now, I… just need some space to get over it.”
I head out the door with absolutely nowhere to be. I hang on to the doorjamb for one last word, but I don’t know if it’s one for him or for me. “It’s going to be fine.”
ChapterTwenty-Nine
DASH
A week passes,and I manage to stay away from Molly pretty easily. I’m used to operating in the shadows, so I go back to my usual way of doing things, but it feels darker than before. I didn’t realize just how much her sunshine crept into my everyday existence and made it better.
Instead of bacon and eggs with the most beautiful girl in the world, I’m back to toast and nasty-ass margarine because Jolie is lactose intolerant.
And because of Molly, I got myself in another jam, too. Mateo has been taking over the checks in the Valley, and he loves it. Today, we’re having that outing here together I promised him a while back.
Doing the checks in Mustang Valley with Mateo is the last thing I want to do today. I love my best friend, and usually his company lifts me, but the mood I’m in is the kind of misery a person clings to. It’s a misery I feel I deserve and need as some sort of penance or self-flagellation for being such a fuck-up. It’s a misery I don’t want his charisma to brighten, not even for a moment. I want to hang on to this to remind me what I knew all along.
Love fucking hurts.
The thing is, I kept my distance emotionally because I thought she’d hurtme. I never thought I could hurt her. Not like this. Not the way I saw her soul drain from her eyes and her light replaced by something dreary.
Mateo and I walk silently down the pipeline. He already knows how to shuffle down the slope after several times coming without me, and we land on the bottom of the valley, staring out at a sea of manes and swishing tails in the distance.
He puts his hands on his hips. “It’s a beautiful sight. Seeing horses in the wild.”
I agree but don’t even hum in return. I’m paralyzed.
“Isn’t it funny? We males think we’re the leaders of the animal kingdom, but goddamn do we need a woman.” He smiles in the direction of the mustangs. “Stella makes it all happen.”
I clear my throat. “She’s good for you.”
“Yeah, when people don’t know horses, they always assume the stallion is in charge of the herd. You know? I suppose he’s strong and protects the herd but he’s nothing without a lead mare.”
“Mmm.” His tone has changed, and I’m not sure he’s talking about Stella anymore.
“He keeps them safe, but without her, the herd starves.Hestarves.”
This is the point where most people in a conversation ask what the hell the other is on about, but I’m not most people. That’s probably why I need a friend like Matty who keeps talking at me as if I asked.
